she is now meeting her dad whom she hasn't see since she was three she is six now. the last time she saw him he was married and had one child.now he is still married and has two children.she cries and says she doesn't want to meet him.she doesn't remember him at all.she thinks he only loves his new wife and sons and that he hates her.The first time she saw him was when he was at the park kissing his wife with their kids playing.He didn't know she was thereand i didn't know he was there.he insist on meeting her with his wife nd parents there. how can i help her get through this?
when we saw them at the park she new him right away by a photo i had show her.and was sad when she saw them together ans started crying. this happened a couple of days ago.
she does question why we broke up
i never filled her head with anything. she is accustom to her my husband whom she has know since she was 4
2007-12-25 23:14:59 · 10 answers · asked by Hmmmmmm 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well first of all you can't leave the decision making up to her she has to go for the visit. Chances are that once there and the ice is broken things will smooth over, especially if she has a lot of fun. It is important to remember that children seem to bounce back pretty quick and the hardest part will be the transfer. Don't back down though, she has to see that everything will be OK. If you trust him and his family, and your daughter trusts you, which she dose because you are her Mommy, then she should trust him and his family. However, these visits with him need to be a regular thing, not an every once in a while thing. Every other weekend would work. She will become accustomed to the visits and will likely even begin to look forward to them. Don't talk down about him and his family around her and never use her as a spy against him and his family. These things will only make her grow to resent you when she is older. One more thing, make sure to get a Custody Order through the Courts, without it one day he could choose not to return her, not that you would have any trouble winning her back since he hasn't seen her in three years.
2007-12-25 23:29:26 · answer #1 · answered by Kevin M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure she isn't projecting some of the feelings you had for your ex?
That aside why didn't he see her for several years? Why does he want to be involved now? How often does he plan on visiting with your daughter? If he is not going to be consistent in any way then he should just keep away.
It sounds like something has changed and he wants to see his child now. A major part of helping your daughter is simply explaining how things didn't work out and people make mistakes that they regret and how they want to try to right the wrongs later on. Your ex needs to play the biggest part as he should know how she feels and where she is coming from.
He needs to say the right words but more importantly be there and do the right things. Your daughter obviously has something missing in her life. I am sure you are a great mother and your husband is great too but most people want to know where they came from and what happened. If her real father can tell her he made a mistake, and he is very sorry, and he will work on gaining her trust again... that would be helpful.
The question is if he will follow through... Otherwise you will just have to prepare your daughter for disappointments in life....
2007-12-25 23:26:25 · answer #2 · answered by theRisingSun9 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for her. How hard that must be to meet your "dad" and be afraid. I probably would be afraid too. She's so young too. Tell her that you're there for her. I'm assuming you're going to be there when she meets her biological father? Hold her, hold her hand. Let her hide behind you. Kids are resilient, she'll find her way around the backside of your legs, or maybe she won't and "dad" will disappear for another 3 years or more.
I think your husband, who is there for her now is her real dad. I imagine for me, what it felt like to start a new job. A stranger in a see of people that all knew each other. I was scared, and I'm an adult.
After the meeting, sit down and talk with her about it... it'll be okay!
2007-12-25 23:23:15 · answer #3 · answered by Keekers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
delicate problem.
when dealing with a child one must tread lightly. she maybe a child but you to have respect her wishes in this case. this is just my neutral opinion
i'm using HIM to refer to the dad whon she hasn't see since she was three
if she dosen't want to meet HIM, then don't force her even thought HIM wants to meet her. Right now(i'm gussing)
she feels thrown away or rejected. Seeing him will remind her that HIM left her. She feels betrayed so natually she feels that HIM dosen't like her or even hate her. She may be a child but a child still feels such feeling even if they dunno the words to describe those feelings. Each time she sees HIM, she will be thinking why, why did HIM left mum, why HIM like that women.
why HIM like that child and not her All the qns will flow throughtout her mind with no ans in sight. With no ans to her qns, she'll just cry. In my opinion it's best to tell her the truth, let her be get used to it.
using husband to refer the husband whom she has know since she was 4
Scenario:HIM meeting your daughther
chances are she might hate the husband reason...after meeting HIM she might think that you and HIM might get togther therefore she will hope that it would happen. Once she has this thoughts in her mind she might rejected the husband. She might even be asking you to get back together with HIM.
This is just my opinions in this matter. I hope i didn't go off point. I apologise in advance if i have insulted or make you angry in any way possible
2007-12-25 23:36:13 · answer #4 · answered by skandrake2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you consider that maybe she hasn't started her period, maybe someone is sexually molesting her. When this happens to children, they don't know how to tell an adult, maybe you need to ask her questions about it. I have never ever heard of a child having a menstrual cycle at such a young age.
2016-05-26 06:53:35 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow this is a hard one i know what she is going through went through similar situation when i was a child from my point of view i would suggest alllowing her to go at her own pace and not the pace of others and it's good to see there are parents who don't bad mouth the other if things don't work out
wish you the best of luck hang in there she will make her decision in time
2007-12-25 23:21:18 · answer #6 · answered by moxwell69 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just reassure her that everything will be okay. She is just afraid of the unknown. Why don't you get together at a public place a few times first. This will give her the opportunity to get reacquainted with him.
2007-12-25 23:19:13 · answer #7 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let her try to get used to her dad again, like let her spend 15 minutes playing games with him, then an hour, etc...
If she hasn't seen him in three years, this could be difficult ofcourse.
2007-12-25 23:19:49 · answer #8 · answered by Petervl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats the hassle with divorce
2007-12-25 23:24:07 · answer #9 · answered by BOB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she will grow over it
2007-12-25 23:18:28 · answer #10 · answered by wombat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋