Should you marry a man if you do not fancy him...but he?

Question

....is a good man, with good family values and wants to do well for himself and his wife and possibly have stuff in common?

I am thinking long term.....as I tend to see a lot of couples who decide after a while they do not fancy one another any more and then go off one another......

I have seen him on a dating site but not met him yet. I can honestly say I don't fancy him at all by the pics I have seen of him but he is a lot of traits I am looking for......so unsure if I should give it a go?

I have not dated a man for 8 yrs (that includes snogged etc) and sometimes I do think to myself....I really wish I could have a kiss and cuddle with someone. So I think even if I didn't fancy him....at first....because I am err a bit desperate at the moment....I might end up fancying him. What do you think?

Answer 1

when one is desperate they make bad choices, u can't know your true feelings by looking at a picture of someone.

Answer 2

If you do not fancy him now the chances are that you will not at all. You can see anyone on a dating site but how much is he telling you the truth ?
By a lot of traits that you are looking for how can you know that when you have not met him he could feed you any bullshit.
Desperate or not there has to be an attraction there you do not get together with someone because you do not want to be on your own bad.
Take it from me I have been on dating sites and the majority of the men are liars as well as some of the women.

Answer 3

I think you're overthinking things a bit!

But I do think that you should only date or marry someone you both LIKE and FANCY. You can't have a good relationship without one of those things.

I think that you should at least meet him. Unless you're totally repulsed by his pictures. But many people can come across badly in pictures - yet when you meet them, they have a real attractive quality about them.

Don't force the issue. Don't just settle for someone. Go on a date with him and see how it goes. You should definitely not be entertaining thoughts of marriage at this stage!!!

Some couples initially fancy each other, then go off each other, but stay together for whatever reason. Some couples never really fancied each other, but just settle. They are often very unhappy and always longing for real love. Some couples fancied each other when they met and still fancy each other years down the line.

You can meet someone you don't find attractive and then develop feelings for them - but it shouldn't be forced.

Answer 4

No you shouldn't!
Murphy's law is that the minute you marry him you will fall in love head over heels with somebody else and then you will be in trouble.
I stopped fancying my husband after a long marriage and I feel really bad about it and imagine how you will feel if that is how you are going into the marriage from the beginning.
Also you sound like you like a good snogging session and a cuddle = you have sexual appetite, so you will not be happy without proper passionate sex.
Please believe me I am going nuts - I keep fancying other men and can't have them.
Feeling guilty all the time = not nice!

Answer 5

What a peculiar situation!
Haven´t you actually SEEN him? If not, (because, I suppose, you have met through Internet,) how could you judge whether he´s attractive for you in real life? You can´t tell how a person reacts with you unless you make a physical contact, even if it´s just going out together.
What´s the world coming to?
Actually your situation is rather simular to the Medaeval Kings and Queens of Europe who were obliged to choose their future Queen from a minature portrait and from the opinions of courtiers sent to the country of origen of the young Maidens in question.
Naturally, in most cases, the resulting marriage was usually just one of convenience!
What a shock both must have suffered in many cases when actually meeting their future spouse in the formal setting of the Court! Often, I imagine, the painter was far kinder to his subject than the person actually deserved!
The same could happen with photographs. No one, I believe, would select their worst . Photographs can lie as well as paintings can! So, look out!
In any case, why not stuff your computer in a cupboard, do your best to look your most attractive possible and go out in search of Mr. Right, someone that you can talk to directly, face to face, touch, hold and enjoy as a REAL person.
Forget about getting married for the moment until you really do want to be formally married, make a home and have kids, etc? In any case, I know lots of couples who share a home together and have had kids and are perfectly happy together. I also know a couple who met through a marriage agency, went out together, did the St James´Pilgrim route together...(what better proof of compatibility than that?)..and finally formally married. To all appearances it´s working!
But atleast they got to know eachother on a formal basis first!
As for making it last, well, one can only try, or go to a well-known and trusted Seer who could do you both a comparitive Horoscope together?.
I have found it to work.

Answer 6

Until now you have pics of the gay and this is not enough for judging him and a love toward hi. You need to meet him talk to him live see his manners, getures and the like.

Online dating can be misleading and some men and even women are cleaver enough to pretend the best traits. What ever you read of him may blare out when you meet him or develop a real relationship with him.

I liked the fact that you dindn't even snogged for 8 years lol....

You deserve a good man as you and hope he is but take care.

Answer 7

there is absolutely no way to tell from the internet whether you fancy someone or not. Pics aren't always flattering, or even real in some cases. Be safe about it, but meet him. Unless you are so incredibly shallow that looks are the only criteria by which you choose companions, you have to meet him in order to have any idea how you feel. Also, stop rushing yourself. It is wonderful to think about the long term, but there can never be long term if you don't even have a short term yet!

Answer 8

You cannot possibly decide that you don't fancy him just by seeing him on the internet. You haven't seen his mannerisms or how he walks, what he looks like when he's talking. Also, it is a little bit premature to be thinking of marriage. I think you might scare the poor b*****d if he sees your question! Just have fun, it's not very attractive to be desperate. One more thing....how can you go for 8 years without a c**k? Amazing!

Answer 9

Meet him first and see the impact he makes. U may be a bit desperate but there is no need to act desperate. Maybe u may get a better bargain by making decisions only after meeting in person, and making sure just what he has to offer u.

Answer 10

If all those traits are listed on a website then it could all be fantasy! You need to know a man for ages to see what he has to offer in the way of character and intentions. Men fudge their descriptions to attract women like you. Be`cautious.

Answer 11

I read the part
<<....is a good man, with good family values and wants to do well for himself and his wife and possibly have stuff in common?>>

I see that you DO fancy him - for what you anticipate about him. whether you fancy him now on something or not , things may change. what holds good ultimately in a perfect union is faith. if you think you can have that faith, and can he too , then go for it.