Why Do Nursing Homes Have To Be So Depressing?

Question

My 93 year old grandmother (i'm 22) was recently put into a nursing home due to dementia and that she needs constant supervision. The first time that I visited her was on Christmas Eve and it was a real depressing sight.

It reminded me of a scene out of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest in there. All of the elderly were mostly sitting in wheelchairs in this big dining area. Many of them were talking and even arguing to themselves, some were just walking back and forth, others were laying on stretchers while the aides entertained them, and some were just staring out of the window. They have the stereotypical happy, cheerful music playing on speakers in the room non-stop.

It was really sad for me to see my grandmother be amongst these people and very sad to see a very intelligent, witty, and kind woman deteriorate throughout the years into a bitter, miserable person who couldn't tell night from day and who her own children and grand-children were.

I really dread the future visits.

Answer 1

I'm really sorry to hear you story. I work in the medical field and am very familiar with the nursing homes. They truly are depressing, however try to see if you can move her to an assisted living facility instead as these usually are much more livelier and feel like a living community that is full of life as opposed to the average life-less nursing home. In the meanwhile, you should try to bring games that you can play with her while you are there, music and movies that she likes, and decorate the room the way she would previously decorate her home so that she and your family feel comfortable when you pay her a visit. You have my best wishes sweety!

Answer 2

Yes, it IS a horrible situation.
If this is an Alzheimers Home,
it is many times worse. This is a horrible disease that eats the brain cells until little by little, there is nothing left.
It would be a wonderful
medical breakthrough if an
answer was found as to why
it starts and/or how it can
be treated.
for the moment, the only answer is a home, because
relatives cannot take care of
these folks and they won't
get better.
For anyone who really cares
about the elderly, why not
go visit them BEFORE they
lose all their mental abilities.
It doesn't matter if you know
them or not, just go talk to
them and listen. Remember
"Fried Green Tomatoes" just
be a friend.

Answer 3

Stretchers in a nursing home?They may have been geri chairs you seen.May I suggest you visit your Grandmother in her room.That way she will be focused on you and the time she has with you.The music is stimulation for the residents,it is a tool used for awareness.Your grand may not deteriorate into bitterness.Unless she was placed for dementia,and not all become bitter.Never dread seeing her and a visit.Why not have lunch with her a few times a month til you see all that goes on in the facility?Best wishes to you both...

Answer 4

My Granny decided to leave us on Feb 2007 before she reached the nursing home. She was 84. She had very strong mind, good heart, and let evryone knows, She don't like the nursing homes at any time. She had pnuemonia.
So, you enjoy the bes times with your grandmother, the ways it is. Do not find any reasons or questions your parents..they are trying the best ways thing will work out for everyone, everyday for everybody...

Answer 5

I guess YOU could make a difference.
It's easier to dread ......thus stay away than to visit and encourage the patients. Some people in the home are still very much in need of conversation, attention and comfort from anyone willing to sacrifice a little time.
No! They don't have to be so depressing .....if anyone is willing to bring a little life to them.
That person could be you.
God bless you, honey.
:) Juju


"Closing down in the midst of pain is a denial of a man's true nature. A superior man is free in feeling and action, even amidst great pain and hurt. If necessary, a man should live with a hurting heart rather than a closed one."
David Deida

Answer 6

I'm sorry to read that your grandmorther is ill and unable to recognize you or care for herself. I know it can be depressing to visit people in nursing homes. I hope you'll visit your grandmother again despite the dread.....she may not be able to remember exactly who you are, but it's possible that she'll sense that you are family. It might help her if you set up a routine for visits; the same time each week or each month, moving into a nursing home can be unsettling, and helping her develop a routine may help her become less confused.

One of the disconcerting things about visiting these facilities is that people with moderate to severe dementia are often placed in the same unit (grouped together on the same floor or same wing of the building); and so you'll see scenes like you describe. It's easy for anyone who is caring to feel sad when confronted with many people who suffer from dementia; especially when one of the people is someone we remember as witty and intelligent. The contrast can be shocking. The only thing that would be more depressing is if the residents didn't have their family members visit them. Try to learn about your grandmother's illness; talk to the staff, contact a support group, talk to your parents or even your grandmother's doctor if possible. It can be hard to deal with your grandmother as she is now, but I believe it is worth the effort....for her and for you. I hope your sense of dread will ease with time and experience.....

Take care!

Answer 7

Visiting nursing homes is an eye opener isn't it? Well, try working in one, then see how depressed you get. What you see when you step into a nursing home is most assuredly not a very pleasant sight, but that's life. It's sad to have to put our loved ones into a nursing home, but in most cases it's the best thing, when family can't take of them. Time in a nursing home does take it toll both mentally & physically on the residents there. I know the future visits for you will be difficult, but be there for your grandmother. Take her some flowers, read to her, do her nails, talk about your fondest memories of her, stay with her at mealtime if possible. They are so lonely at mealtime, especially. Brush her hair gently or rub her hands with some hand cream or body lotion. Your touch will soothe her. If your grandmother gets cranky with you, just ignore it. It happens as they get older & are no longer independent.

Answer 8

There's not much other than attentiveness and care anyone can do to improve the pall that hangs over nursing homes.

But one of the reasons nursing homes exist involves decisions we seniors tend to make without thinking about it. The older and more infirm we become, the fewer risks we take.

So we live to occupy a room in a nursing home, when we might have died falling off a mountain somewhere at 65.

I'd prefer the mountain. I decided when I was about your age that I was not going to end up in a nursing home, and that I was going to prevent it by increasing the risks I take every year after 50.

Answer 9

The worst thing you could do would be to avoid visits. So next visit put on your best smile, take her some bright flowers, visit her often.. nursing homes are sad because most people in there have been almost abandoned by loved ones and no one visits. When you do visit, take the time to say hello to other residents as well, it will make their week. Be the one to put the smile in that sad environment, don't let your precious grandmother down, keep her cheered up and often with your visit and your conversation.

Answer 10

Please don't dread your visits, they maybe the only bright part of her day. I know it's depressing, but this is the reality of their life. Some have very good days others don't. Depending on the seriousness of their illness. Most family member feel like you do ,and stop visiting this is the worst thing you can do. Whether you think it makes a difference or not, it does. They still remember, hear and love. Don't count them out. We spend our whole day trying to get them to care about the rest of their life, and when family forgets them or just visits on Holidays, it takes a toll on them. Remember how they took care of you, loved you. Don't abandon them, love them relish them, be there for them, it really does matter. Who wants to be thrown away, and that's what you do when you let your needs outweigh their needs. Show them that they matter, if you have friends bring them to visit, they love to see young people, play cards ,sing songs ,play a game. Please do not forget their birthday, have a party at the home, bring ice cream cake balloons, bring the kids, let them know they still matter. Make their golden years truly golden years. You'd be surprised at how they talk when their family leave the glow on their face.The smiles, the laughter, often replace anger tears, and hostility towards the staff. Also my brothers mother was there in my nursing home for 8 yrs, I saw her everyday along with my brother, he was a loving and giving son, after 3 visits her grandsons refuse to come, my daughter who was no blood relation visited with her kids more times than they did, they made her laugh ,fed her, cleaned her when necessary, and never regreted a moment of it. When she died it was then her grandson saw her again, Sorry state and to me sorry grandsons. So please embrace her have lunch, dinner whatever, just drop in brush her hair. Lotion her up talk to her, better yet LOVE HER.