Can I please get some insight into a very bad situation?

Question

I had my husband arrested tonight for hitting our 4 year old in the face really hard and leaving welts where his fingers were.

This is the first time he ever did it, but I panicked and I didn't want a second time, so I called the cops on him right away and he has been arrested.

My family, his family, everyone seems to think I should have just talked to him about it. We've been married for years now and I've never seen him act this way before, but it scared me enough to want to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Was I wrong for calling him him? I feel like I've ruined his life now and that I should feel guilty about it- but I feel like if I hadn't done it, then I would have been being a bad mom and not protecting my child.

Answer 1

You handled abuse the way you feel it should be. ( I agree with your thinking ) But the emotional side of it all sucks, don't let other people tell you how to handle thing because old school principals arn't always right. The guilt you feel now would be nothing to what you would probably feel if you didn't make that call and it happened again. I come from a home with a little violent side and it's no way to grow up. I would hope my other half would do the same if I had one of those fits of rage and hurt either of my children. He needs help and ignring it as your relatives said won't get the help for him.

Answer 2

Domestic Violence is a most interesting topic ...

sometimes I tend to think if two adults want to bash the living daylights out of one another .. then let them.
I have seen women (and BTW i am a woman) lash out at a man and belt him ... yet go running to the police when he lashes out ( IN SELF DEFENSE) ... NOW that is wrong ...

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING .. .It's one thing for an adult to stay in a violent situation ( whatever the gender) .. as they make the choice ( whether they feel that they have to stay or can't leave ... IT is still an adult who CAN make a choice) ...

BUT a child is defenseless .. .

yeah you DO need to talk to him ... but you have set down a precedent that states that you WILL protect your child and that there WILL be consequences if he ever does it again ...
GOOD GIRL!!

As for your families who are telling you that you did the wrong thing ... well consider this .. WHAT IF ... your husband had of slapped your child .. .and your child fallen over and hit their head on the corner of a sharp wooden table ..

adults have died as a result of such an incident .. the person who hit the dead person DIDN'T MEAN TO KILL THEM .. but such are the consequences sometimes of violence .. PEOPLE DIE ..

What would it take to make your families see that you did do the right thing .. An accidental death ???

Your husband is probably still a good man .. there MUST be something going on that has made him behave out of character ...Tell him that you do still love him .. and that you understand how he may feel that you betrayed him BUT that you were only protecting the little person you BOTH created ..
Tell him that you will support him while he seeks help with whatever it is he is going through...
Things are bad .. but it doesn't mean they won't get better ..

maybe the families NEED to butt out of THIS one.

YOU protected a vunerable person ... YOU did the right thing .
YOU weren't the one hurting a small little person ....

Answer 3

The Bible is a work of fiction. The passages that depict Jesus Christ to have been the "Son of God" and a holy man with divine powers are completely unfounded and will never be proven. The people who believe these things are hallucinating and suffer from a mass delusion. Agnosticism and Atheism are growing faster than ever and Catholocism and Christianity are deteriorating in popularity, just like the hundreds of other now defunct religions that nobody believes in anymore and laughs off as mere fairytales. The same will happen with all the modern religions such as Islam and Christianity and Judaism. I have a PhD in evolution and anthropology and was raised a strict Catholic. I have come to believe that the Bible is just a work of fiction created to control the population and keep people in line. Use some common sense...it is quite embarrassing to live in a country where so many people believe such nonsense that has been proven to be false time and time again by science and history.

Answer 4

First, you did the right thing. If he's not really like that and just lost it, he can get help and that's one huge wakeup call. If he is really like that, you stopped it. Either way, you protected your child and that's what matters. There's nothing a four year old can do that deserves that (I have one myself - yes, they can drive you crazy, but hitting never fixes it). As far as ruining his life - you didn't. He's the one that lost control. Now he can get help. Yes, he'll have some legal hoops to jump, and he'll have to go into counciling, and prove that he's not a danger to anyone, before the dept of family services won't hassle both of you about him interacting with the child. You're also going to have some hoops to jump. Your best bet is calling DFS first thing in the morning. Approach them first and be open and honest. It's a holiday, there's holiday stress, the kid's probably wound up, and people do lose control. DFS will grill you both and want all sorts of proof that you're both getting counciling and that the child is being looked after properly. That's their job. They do that because there are ugly people out there with spouses who make up excuses for the crazy behavior. Talk to them about your options. Ask them for advice. Make your concerns clear. And make it clear you'd like to help your husband instead of writing him off.

Answer 5

If the cops carted him off to jail then this is the first clue that he was wrong for hitting the child. No you didn't do anything wrong. If he has never behaved this way before then he has problems, but that still doesn't give him the right to abuse a child. I assume that you relationship isn't over and now you really have a problem. He would have to get help before he would set foot in my house again.

Answer 6

Its his own fault. Why in the world would you hit a child that hard and in the face no less. I dont think it would have been that bad if it has on the butt but in the face no way.

What happened to make him do that?

Im half way into you should have talked to him and calling the police.
Its really hard to say from the way I grew up its a normal thing for me but you say he never acted that way before and my father did. I wish my mother would have done something but its not talked about anymore and hes become less abusive.

Answer 7

Well, the fact is, you did call the police and get him arrested. So the question is: where do you go from there? Do you want your husband to come home? If he is furious with you, how will you handle that?

Obviously, you and he need to talk about how you will discipline your children in future. I hope he is willing to have a genuine discussion about it, and not just lay down the law.

This is a difficult situation which has confronted me in the past. My ex was heavy-handed with our son, and continues to be with his small children by his current wife. He is a very strong, big man and I feel he strikes the kids too hard, and for very small infractions. To me it seems like he is unfairly exploiting the huge disparity in strength between himself and the children.

Answer 8

NEVER let anyone strike your child other than in a diciplinary way. if u thought it was overboard, then it was. if you let things go, people tend to think its ok and continue to do it. you still need to talk to your husband, and let him know that behavior will not be tolerated. a 4 yr. old couldnt have possibly done anything that bad to deserve a hit in the face. think about what you would feel like as an adult being struck, now put yourelf back to being 4. its a mothers job to protect their children at all costs. not saying its easy. but who else do they have? really??

Answer 9

You did the right thing. There is no excuse for hitting another human being. It makes it worse that the victim was a child. Don't feel bad about what you did because it was definatly the right decision. Once a person becomes abusive there's no turning back for them. They will keep on being abusive and things can get much worse.

Answer 10

You did the right thing.

You dont have to press charges but he will permanently have a police record (not a criminal record so he will still be able to get jobs) so that if it ever happens again they will take it more seriously next time.

I had a dad who hit me for over 6 years because my mum kept letting it go thinking it wasnt serious enough. I developed serious depression from being abused for so long.

He has to know you are serious and you did the right thing because now he does.

My own dad got worse and worse and ended up throwing me against a cupboard and breaking my arm.

Listen to what your child tells you too - if in the future your child tells you its father is being abusive then take it very seriously.