Do you think I'm being a bit silly and sentimental?(I know I can be)Or do I have a valid reason to feel upset?

Question

This year my husband didn't get me a Christmas present. We have 4 kids, and they were all well provided for, I got him a present, and I really had no idea that he didn't get me a present until Christmas morning. At first I thought he was joking. But he wasn't. He did say later that he felt a bit guilty about not getting Mummy a present. He did buy a Christmas cake that I really loved, and he did make sure we had all the food I like to cook and special extras for the day. Do you think I'm being a bit silly and sentimental for wishing I had a wrapped up present just for me? I know it sounds a bit selfish, but I couldn't help feeling hurt, although I didn't betray that at all, I just said oh don't worry about it. He was working for most of the day, so I was able to get over it more easily. He is a good husband and works hard to provide for us. Do you think it's okay for me to feel sad and hurt? Or silly and sentimental? You can be honest ....I've cried and now my heart can take it!

Thanks everyone - you guys are sooo kind and healing for me. It wasn't my best Christmas, for many reasons.

fagetosh - most elegantly put ... thank you! I don't speak like that, but it's just what I needed!
Dr Good Tunes - thank you for your input, however there is no "in the middle" - I have mixed feelings about it too, and a sense that my hurt is unwarranted as I have so much to be grateful for, and my husband, I think, feels a little guilty, though he doesn't need to.
Bob M - thank you so much - No, my husband will never be mistaken for a domestic god! He has very traditional views on male/female roles and very high standards. And by the way, my birthday is 2 weeks before Christmas so I have ages to wait!!
Lydia - thank you for your input - however he truly doesn't have a clue that I was upset. I would not cry in front of him, and I never nag - I wouldn't dare!!!
Thank you so much to everyone else who has answered so far too. You have helped me collect myself a lot better.

Answer 1

Words of wisdom from an old goat............are you ready?

Presents aren't everything - but they're bloody nice to receive and to know that someone (in your case - your hubby) has put himself out for you by devoting his free time to you and you alone, looking for that special gift. Bottom line? Since last Christmas, he's had 364 days to think about it!!!!!

I subscribe to the theory that actions speak louder than words and just saying that he loves you, sometimes isn't quite enough. I noticed that you said he bought all of the food that YOU like to cook.....does he not assist in the kitchen?

My brother in law is a great bloke and provides exceptionally well for my sister - I like him a lot, but........I don't respect him, because when he comes home from work he sits on his ass and does nothing to help....NOTHING!!!!!!! (his hands are always busy with the remote control in one and a beer in the other)

Expecting a present at Christmas from the one you love isn't being selfish....not by a long shot, and you have a right to feel sad and hurt. After all, it's the time for giving, not receiving!!!!

Just to be on the safe side, start to place a few clues around the house for what you want for your birthday and double the price....that'll fix him :-)

I hope I haven't been too blunt.

Answer 2

That's a fair reason. I disowned my brother and sister in law whilst out shopping for banana hammocks. They lay in the middle of the aisle at the supermarket screaming and pummeling the ground like deranged 4 year olds because I would not purchase the red ones. I had to walk away and visit the pet food aisle.......I don't even own a dog.

Answer 3

No, you're understandably upset, and I've been in your situation.
However, you KNOW he's like this and you let it keep on. You just have to tell him AGAIN how badly you feel about it, without crying and nagging, and before the next occasion, try something different. Leave a list on the fridge door. Tell your kids to tell him what you want.
Or go shopping with him, choose something you like and just TELL him to buy it for you. Or buy something yourself, and tell him it's your Christmas present from him.
Whatever happens, don't feel so resentful. I KNOW it's hard!

Answer 4

I think that you have the right to be hurt, it means alot when your man take your feelings into consderation and lives to make you happy. Gifts aren't everything, but you what him to make you feel special and appreciated. Having said that, remeber that men don't always get it right, they don't always think with the heart. I am sure he will make it up to you through out the year. Talk to him, let him know how you felt, maybe he is cluless. Good Luck and cheer up.

Answer 5

I'd be hurt and sad too. A woman wants to feel that she is special to her husband. You're not silly.

Answer 6

Hello Integrity!

Despite some of my more tongue in cheek questions, I wouldn't have left my wife without a present! I don't think you're being silly, bet you got him something?

Answer 7

yes, you can be upset. but its nothing to get into a huge fight about. we know how men are and theres not a damn thing we can do about it. my husband always gets me the cards on the day of, even though he knows damn well its the same day every year and has the opportunity to get one earlier. but in reality, as long as he tells me he loves me, im satisfied. remember there are others out there who dont have anything at this time of year. hold on to your relationship and let it flourish.

Answer 8

I'm not getting in the middle of this one. I have mixed feelings about it.

Best Wishes

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Answer 9

Its ok..gifts are not necessary for as long u both and your family still perfectly having good times together with good health ofcourse.

Answer 10

You are quite good, It is not so bad to be a sentimental, However try to control it.