this is a weird situation. i'm married to a "good" man who i thought loved and cared for us. he turned out to be bipolar, impotent, and a compulsive liar. he hasn't had a drink in the entire time we've been together (5 years) because he "valued" sobriety. because of his unstable personality, i have separated from him. he lives 2,000 miles away, but stays in touch and has been financially supportive. my 13 year old son overheard a conversation in which i told my estranged husband that i was very sad he chose to get drunk last night and i hoped that he would get help. my son asked what was wrong, and i told him that his dad called last night (christmas eve) and left several messages, that he had gotten drunk and that we (my son and i) would continue to move forward with our lives and that we can pray for his dad, but that we can't help him, that we didn't cause it and can't control it. was i wrong to tell him something that further creates disappointment in his dad?
2007-12-25 18:07:49 · 12 answers · asked by diamond heart 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
this man adopted my son shortly after we were married. i thought we had a good family life until he began acting very weird and unstable. i hate to upset my son in any way, but i figured honesty about this was best???
2007-12-25 18:10:11 · update #1
You sound like your doing fine handling your son. He is old enough to handle the truth. Just dont put his dad down. By that i mean show your sone he has problems but that he is as you say supportive and was caring. He may get help and be ok to have a good relationship with him so...dont put that in jeporady. Sorry to hear this but I think you two will be fine.
2007-12-25 18:19:05 · answer #1 · answered by rufstuff 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow, everything you just unloaded here you need to unload with a counselor. Do you still go to school? If so go see your school counselor who will really listen to you and can refer you to some resources. A father at 13 - you were a child having a child. I know you love Ashley's daughter, but it sounds like you have an unhealthy co-dependency thing going on with Ashley. As much as you love her daughter, she's not yours and you're too young and troubled right now to burden yourself with making someone else's child your responsibility. Do what's best for all of you. Ashley is going nowhere fast so you're doing her no good by staying. And get some help (like free lawyer advice) about custody of your son. You and Ashley will have to really grow up to do what's best for your son. And again, do not burden yourself about her daughter. Stepping aside from the little girl doesn't mean you don't love her, it just means you're doing the best thing for everyone because you have too much to manage right now. And I hope you can find a free health clinic or even a church pastor, if you don't have access to a school counselor because you really need some guidance right now. I think you already know that you and Ashley are not going to work out (you seem to really resent her which is understandable), so why put off the inevitable? It's not going to get easier, so now's the best time to make some hard decisions. Good luck and god bless you.
2016-05-26 06:29:09 · answer #2 · answered by luz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You handled it in the best possible way! At 13 your son is capable of processing the situation and will handle it better if you are honest with him. Just keep letting him know that his dad has an illness, and it is ok to be sad about it and maybe a little mad, but he can still love and support his dad. Even if that support is just a card to say hi or whatever. Obviously you have a responsibility to protect your son, but trust your son's feelings. If he wants to talk to his dad let him...but try to consult with your ex and let him know that his son will be calling him at such-and-such a time so he can at least have the opportunity to be sober.
2007-12-25 18:18:50 · answer #3 · answered by CanesGirl1984 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
first of all, I'm sorry this came up now, but at 13 your son should be able to handle hearing his dad needs help and that your going to pray for him but that your going to stay away tell things improve. Moving on with your lives is good and a plan that shows your son you two will make is is best.
A drunk only can help him self first before others can help him too. He should know this from before. You can be supportive of him in talking to him about meetings and speaking up at them and getting help and a sponser back in his life. You and your son could go to a few meeting for family's of drinks in your area and let you and your son learn more about living with and around a AA member.
Good luck and take it slow,
Johnny
2007-12-25 18:16:49 · answer #4 · answered by John M 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That's tough. But yes, he has the right to know. He should know as well about his Dad's positive traits and what he was able to do before. So he wont only think of those negative things about him. You must explain that people are different. Nobody is perfect and its just that you can't go together very well and you have to take care of him (your son)
2007-12-25 18:26:14 · answer #5 · answered by Damsel 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
honesty is a good thing..but on the other hand..he is 13...they already worry about school,friends,girls...and so on..now he's just going to worry so much about his dad...I really hope this turns out good...and doesn't backfire..some info is better left unsaid...depending on age..and how the person can handle situations like this...personal experience...I didn't share certain info about my sons dad to him until he got older..but my son would worry about his dad anyway..and I didn't want to add more worry...good luck
2007-12-25 18:17:05 · answer #6 · answered by ~Jenny~ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hard call. only you know if your son is mature enough to understand the situation. if you keep an open and honest relationship with him, it could keep you two close in the comming years. i do think you need to answer his questions, now that he knows, but you dont have to tell him everything. know what I mean?
2007-12-25 18:18:08 · answer #7 · answered by Lynne M 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Fa Sho.
You HAVE to tell him about it now or you'll regret not telling him later.
My mom didnt tell me about my dad drinking and I couldnt forgive her for the longest time.
Telling him and not dodging the truth is the way to go.
2007-12-25 18:14:00 · answer #8 · answered by Vien 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no, your son needs to hear the truth. glorifying and lying, making excuses for his behavior and actions only will hurt your son in the long run. let me know how helps.
2007-12-25 18:19:30 · answer #9 · answered by mel the amazing mexiCAN!hiPEE! 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
yes explain everything that he can understand so he knows their is something wrong and he will understand in the long run
2007-12-25 18:47:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋