What would you do?

Question

Scenario:
Your a stay at home Mom, married for 9 yrs with young children. Your husband had control issues and was emotional and mentally abusive to you when others were not around. Attended marriage counseling only to find out he was misleading you and the couselors about his feelings towards the marriage. Couselor tells you to make financial arrangements for your future, to go out and find another man, and that they can't understand how you can put with him being so "critical". You start focusing on only you and your children and he suddenly does a 180 with showing of little anger towards you. Things are better but the spark is gone. What would you do?

He's a loving father and good provider. But when do you draw the line? Should you stay and feel lonely or should you take the chance of leaving only to end up being a single mother with no job qualifications?

The kids love their Dad.

He's not physically abusive.

Answer 1

I would suggest a trial separation. Even if you have to take on babysitting someone else's children to get by or whatever. It will give him time to deal with his issues and you will have time to really evaluate your needs. Also, being "on your own" will give you more confidence.

Answer 2

Not showing anger does not necessarily mean that he is a better person. Is he still critical of you? Verbal abuse does not have to come in an angry tone.

Only you know if the marriage is worth saving. If you feel that it would be to your and your children's benefit to leave, then by all means do so.

Just remember--being single is not a piece of cake when you have children. There is the expenses that may not be covered by child support, the need for sitters in order to have a personal life, the emotional stress caused from the pain suffered by children of single parents. There is also the responsibilities that were shared becoming all of YOUR responsibilites, creating a much larger burden to bear.

There are a lot of jerks out there too, just looking to take advantage of single women. It takes a lot to find a good man. Just wanted to point out some facts for you to think about. Some women forget about the difficulties that single mothers deal with everyday.

Answer 3

I would leave him. It doesn't sound like you're happy, even though he is being nice to you now. Plus, how do you know he is going to keep being this way toward you? He most likely won't be able to keep this up forever. Also it's a lot better to leave him when he is treating you this way because then he's less likely to freak out and beat you or something. If you decide to leave, which I recommend, you shouldn't make a big confrontation with him about it. Just wait until he's not there, pack your and you kids stuff, and get out.

this guy has serious issues. even though he is a "loving father" and "good provider," well that's between him and his kids isn't it? and great for them that he is good to them. But he is not good to you. Why not do what is best for yourself? He has to support his kids whether you and/or they live with him or not.

You think you are doing good by your kids by staying with him but really kids pick up on this type of stuff and they will learn by how you guys interact around them. They can still have visitation with him and all but you guys staying together when he is abusive toward you is not good for any of you guys. I know it's scary to give up financial security and all but it's for your emotional well-being. If you are determined to regain control of your life then you will succeed.

Answer 4

Abusive people have a predictable cycle. They're really abusive, and then they're nice and sweet. Its very misleading, but they'll always be abusive. Don't be fooled by his niceness; its temporary. If you stay with him, your children won't respect you, and they could grow up to be just like him.

Answer 5

If he is not a habitual cheater and does not beat you...give it more time otherwise its up to u