My ex and I separated and he moved out and into the home of another woman. He does not want me to date because I'm still in the home that we purchased together. He says I shouldn't bring another man in our married home and in front of our kids. I'm not taking about somebody sleeping over because I would never do that in front of my kids. I'm talking about somebody picking me up from the home or coming over to watch a game or movie.
2007-12-25 16:08:49 · 18 answers · asked by gbrown0404 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This really isn't about what's fair or a case of "he did, so why can't I".... well, you need to be setting a moral and right example for your children. They don't need or want to see you snuggled on the couch with some guy who isn't their dad. They don't need to see you cheating on their dad (doesn't matter if he did, someone has to be the adult here). You are still married, get divorced, then start dating, but keep the guy away from your home and your kids unless you know you are going to marry him. They don't need men in and out of their lives.
Best thing seriously is to devote your life to your kids until they are 18 then start dating again. But few are strong enough to do that for their kids.
You have to tread carefully here. What you do now will effect your kids for the rest of their lives and effect their view of what is right and wrong. So how you behave will have alot to do with how you want your kids to be raised and how you want them to see life.
2007-12-25 16:50:02 · answer #1 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is just me -- but when i was going through a divorce and had a date, i met them somewhere outside of my home and went OUT on a date.
Reason? My kids had been through enough, and i didn't feel my dates needed to spend time at my house. I was ill-prepared to get serious about someone else, and had nothing much to give emotionally... but still wanted to be social.
Hon, you have the right to friends and a social life.. If you want to have a few friends over for a game, then do it... if there is a guy you want over, he can come then... Your kids don't really have to know it's a "date"?
For me, i think it takes at least a year before we have anything to give someone else after a divorce / separation. We have to take the time to grieve our losses and readjust. So another person can't really fit into that equasion, when our emotions are somewhere else.
Friends, dates, and social life are good... you don't have to be a hermit... but take care of YOU too.. you've been taking care of some guy for years, now getting divorced.. You don't need another one right off the bat.
hugs
2007-12-25 16:24:10 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are two issues- legal and ethical.
Legally, I think you can do anything you want.
Ethically, a lot is up to you and may depend on the age of your children. For me, really young children are less likely to be injured if you have males come for a visit. School-age children know what's what, so you have to be more careful with them.
As a part of my divorce, my son started seeing a shrink. I've gone to most of his sessions, and I think he's a good influence on my son. Maybe you could find a counselor for your children. Get some professional help dealing with a subsequent male in your life. They'll need to accept that their father has another woman, and you're in the process of having another man. This theory works, but the practice is delicate and may need professional help to get across.
If your kids are old enough to stay home while you go out, they definitely know what's what. And it might be fine with them if you just tell them "Mom's got a date tonight."
Bringing males to your house might be easier on them if it's not just one exclusive guy to begin with. Got someone in mind? Ask another couple to join all of you- dinner, a movie, some conversation, would paint you as just a social creature in your kids' eyes.
Have a great New Year!!
2007-12-25 16:25:11 · answer #3 · answered by going_for_baroque 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The main concern is the children and how you handle any new relationship around them. I don't know their ages but how much you tell them and how you handle the situation has a lot to do with how old they are. I think your ex's demands that you not date anyone is unrealistic. Why shouldn't you have a life of your own. He moved out. You need to move forward and dating is part of that. So what if you purchased the home together. You live there now and you bring over whom ever you want.
2007-12-25 16:22:45 · answer #4 · answered by chitownlifer 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Here's something you need to include...
Is your husband sleeping with this woman? If so are you two working on getting back together or are you looking for a divorce? If you are getting a divorce, then do that first and then you can start datting.
Another question, does your husband bring the children around this woman whom he's with? If so, he's dead wrong...
2007-12-26 02:51:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has moved out and in with another woman. Sound like to me there is nothing left to work out. Normally people separate to work things out or to take a step back t determine if divorce is what they want. Sounds like he has already made his decision. Go ahead and date you can find someone better. Don't feel guilty he has already found someone else so you should too.
2007-12-25 16:17:35 · answer #6 · answered by Trevor 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he wants to play but you're not allowed to. Of course you can date. But I don't know what State you're in. In California, a married couple living apart keeps their income separate. But child and spousal support may be required. Since you have kids, is he paying child support? If not, get an attorney and get a Court Order requiring him to pay something for the kids. Also, get a visitation order in place so he doesn't drop in at odd hours or whenever he feels like it. As for the family house, if you need his help in making house payments (including insurance, taxes, mortgage, maintenance, etc.) get the Court to order something for spousal support as well. If he will agree to reasonable figures without going through the courts, so much the better...but get it in writing. In the meantime, simply tell him you're going to be dating. Period. Good luck.
2007-12-25 16:20:10 · answer #7 · answered by judgebill 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is so fulla mess! He's out there got another woman but yet u cant date..whateva! He just wants to have his life and basically doesnt want u to have someone so he can worm his way back if it doesnt work out with her. If u know u're not gonna have a bunch of men all up n thru your house tell him to mind his own business. He's moved out with another woman(so that basically means he got another family) and so concerned with what goes on there...he's got some nerve!
2007-12-25 16:16:52 · answer #8 · answered by Candle Queen 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
so its ok for him but not u? whatever. dont do it in front of the kids. if at all possible wait til after the divorce is final. u dont want people saying oh she has a new man and thats why their getting divorced
2007-12-25 17:26:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is right. But I should caution you that you are still married. Unhappily married. Do not stoop to his level. Wait until you are you are not married to date. This is best for you and for your children. You have to stand up and be the Positive Role model in the family. What you do now will form and shape their lives forever.
You need to become the best woman that you can become. Having a man in your life to date does not add to your character.
2007-12-25 16:15:17 · answer #10 · answered by heartsarebad 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋