I just asked my gf of 2.5 years to marry me. She said yes, and we are so happy!!
Her unsaved father has never supported our relationship, and is not giving his blessing.
We have tried to honor him and respect him all this time, but he is just divorced and hates marriage.
We are strong Christians, and have asked our pastors for advice, I just fig'd I'd come on here and see others perspectives.
My ?? is, how do i address this? What is the most Godly way to answer him?
If you are not ging to give advice in the spirit of sincerity, please don't leave any answers at all.
Thank you.
Jesus Loves you all.
2007-12-25 15:58:21 · 16 answers · asked by spokenwordz03 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It seems to me as if the answer lies within:
"he is just divorced and hates marriage".......
I expect that he does not hate marriage, but hates the pain, trauma, disappointment and sense of failure of a broken marriage.
It would be interesting to know how far away your wedding is set.......it takes time for a hurting heart to heal. I sense that your father-in-law to be needs the hands of the Lord's healing upon him.
You can continue to lift him in prayer, and you can also address his issue of pain. Perhaps you could ask for his perspective on the kinds of things that can make or break a marriage. Keep your focus (with him) limited on how to better treat, love and honor his daughter. Let him know that you have her best interests in mind.
Above all, (excepting the prayer) keep in mind that his pain is distorting his perception and remember this is a human condition.
2007-12-26 14:39:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pray for her father.Ask him to attend church with you both.Divorce can leave a bitter taste,it takes a while before it fades.Try to get to know him better and let him get to know you too.Pray that he will see how happy you make his daughter.Pray for God's will to be done on this matter.Pray that you and your GF Will make the right decision when it comes to her father.Pray for guidance in this matter.I am guessing that both of you are over the age of 18 and really don't need his permission,but it would be nice to have his blessing.I guess I would be straight forward with him and tell him that the two of you are getting married and that you would love to have his blessing but even if he doesn't give his blessing that the marriage will still take place.Don't give up hope,he can still change his mind.God bless you and your GF and I will pray for your situation.
2007-12-26 00:18:34 · answer #2 · answered by Teresa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should go ahead and get married. Why are you worrying about the opinion of an unsaved person, and even in the world, what does her father have to do with your relationship? What does your pastor say? Anyway, pastors aren't always perfect. My old pastor ran away with the piano player. Pray about it, and see what God is telling you. Bless you.
2007-12-26 00:11:23 · answer #3 · answered by karenhjones 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess I would at least ask for his blessing, and even if he doesn't give it, at least you asked for it, honoring him as the man that brought her into this world...at the very least. You have to realize that he will alwasy be her father and therefore when you marry her, you will be marrying him (sort of to speak) and he will be there and you kind of want to start things off on a good foot, even if he disagrees. I would ask your Pastor how to handel the situation as well, how to honor the father who does not agree with the situation, and still honor him, if you feel it is God's will that you are your girlfriend are to be togther.
2007-12-26 00:28:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop trying to be nice about it. Tell the father that you and your gf are getting married and that's the way it is, and it doesn't matter in the least if he approves or not.
Tell him that he may want to consider being able to see any future grandchildren or not - and that this will be determined by his attitude towards you and your marriage to his daughter.
Whatever religion you are, it doesn't mean that you allow others to walk all over you. You'll need to have peace in YOUR home first and foremost and things like this father situation can really get in the way of that. So get it under control from the beginning - don't allow him to control anything.
2007-12-26 00:04:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
If her father is not a Christian, I wouldn't base your decision to marry on whether or not he gives his blessing. Listen to your pastors, especially on any issues they raise that may bring up questions about your decision to marry. Your future father-in-law is not in any position to be giving Godly counsel, so you need to seek and heed such advice from your pastors.
If you have prayed about it and have gone through pre-marital counseling, and feel a peace about your decision, then go ahead with God's blessings. Continue to honor and respect her father, but son't allow him to dictate the terms of your relationship with your bride-to-be.
2007-12-26 01:07:46 · answer #6 · answered by rlb1961 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you and she honor her father by listening (really listening) to his reasons why he doesn't approve of the two of you being together and getting married. You then take his comments into serious consideration.
are his concerns, complaints, observations valid? If they are and the two of you still want to be together, then you work on the issues. If his reasoning is out of touch with reality then you don't waste time and energy on them and proceed with your plans.
Understand that if you go forward with your plans and he doesn't approve, he may try to punish you by threatening to not be or participate at the wedding. That's alright, this is where you get to decide if you are grown ups ready for the responsiblities and consequences that your actions and choices create or if you are still little children who need to have your parents' approval for what you do in life.
remember: The commandment to honor your parents is about *respecting* your elders, NOT about *obeying* them. You do not honor your parents when you obey them when they tell you to do something that is illegal or immoral. You do not honor them when you give in to their whims and play to their weaknesses.
Good Luck.
2007-12-26 00:23:19 · answer #7 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me ask you this. As a Christian, did you pray about getting married fisrt, then asked her or vice versa? Reason asking, I have a sister that told me God is going to send her a husband, but she is on the internet, attending group gatherings, etc looking for one. I told her to seek God first and He will send her tha man He wants her to wed. Put God first in all things and the rest will be added unto you. As far as the dad goes, if he is not "in the church" I believe you are free to get married. If this is God's plan, I wish you all the happiness and prosperity of God's promise
2007-12-26 00:21:35 · answer #8 · answered by Bill P 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As a Christian, I would say prayer is ultimately the best solution. I know it sounds kind of cheesy, but if prayer was what Christ did in the Garden of Gethsemane, that is probably what you should do too.
Other than that, I would continue to show him love and compassion, for that is the only thing you can really do. Jesus showed love to everyone, even people like your future father in law. But still, prayer is best.
2007-12-26 00:04:44 · answer #9 · answered by Chris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congrats!!! I would def. pray about it and pray for her dad as well. It's hard to say what the most Godly answer would be,and this is probaly a better question to ask your pastors I sincerly do wish you both the best God Bless
2007-12-26 00:12:46 · answer #10 · answered by sassygrrll7 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋