I'm hurt so bad and i don't know what to do...I found out that my husband had a mistress and they made love at my back....what should i do? i don't want to be affected but i cant help it...
2007-12-25 15:34:32 · 17 answers · asked by jenn 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
once betrayed its almost impossible to put the marriage back to where it was, its kind of like its now damaged, and its not what it was, and u don't even feel the same anymore. sometimes its easier to move on than it is to try to put it back where it was. because u will always know he chose her over u and its obvious he didn't think enough of u to come to u and discuss the problems before looking for love outside your marriage.
2007-12-25 22:59:20 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he 'had' a mistress so does this mean it was in the past and you just found out about it or is this something that is now happening and you just found out about it?
You are the only one who can decide what is best for you. It is dependend on many things. You are, of course, affected by it and hurt but if you can forgive him and you two can committ to each other and know you both love each other, you will be able to move on.
Why do people cheat? Tons of excuses; no good answers except they had the opportunity and did so. Suggest you concentrate on healing, right now, and don't make any decision until you are over the shock of it all. Your husbands actions will show you if he is remorseful and realizes the impact it has taken on your marriage - start by talking; telling him your feelings about it all and how it has harmed the trust you once had in him. If he is truly sorry, he will do all he can to show you he is the man you always thought you had. The two of you need to get back in touch with the love you share and you need to get the anger, fear and hurt out. Then you'll be able to move forward, together.
2007-12-25 23:43:57 · answer #2 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so, so sorry or the pain you are going through. Been there done that. Before divorcing him have an avair yourslef. I know it sounds cruel, but it will cure your pain an you will pay back your husband. If you think you can forgive him and forget, then give him another chance. I knew I couldn't forgive and forget, so I left him and never looked back, I was in a pain for a few years (15years of marriage)but my life couldn't be better. He is still looking for a woman like me (was already 3 time married).
Be strong, your heart will tell you what choice to make.
2007-12-26 00:29:42 · answer #3 · answered by Madonna 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That has got to be a very hard thing to deal with. It will be very hard to ever trust your husband again and you will always wonder if he is being honest, sincere and genuine with you. I personally could never look at him the same way and I would always be wondering how I "compared" to the other woman and if he said the same things to her as he does to me because I know they will tell you no way.
If he was having sex with this woman for ANY length of time to be called a mistress...he had feelings for her or she would've been a one night stand. Sorry but I'm trying to be honest. Hope you feel better.
2007-12-26 00:23:53 · answer #4 · answered by sarah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry 4 Ur situation, I know it hurts, he betrayed Ur trust in the worst way. Relationships R based on trust and once it is gone it is time 2 move on. Find a man that treats U respectfully. Good Luck.
2007-12-25 23:57:34 · answer #5 · answered by godmamaz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand you my wife had a side piece also and I'm in the same bot as you . I think you should see if things get better before you make any decisions at all. And if you really love him you should at least have faith and give it another chance its gonna be hard but only a strong woman can over come.
2007-12-26 00:06:52 · answer #6 · answered by Loosin_my_mind 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is sit down with your husband and have a serious talk. You need to know everything that went on in their relationship to see how serious it was. He must answer all of your questions so you can get the full story. Then you must make a decision on whether you want to stay with him or not. You must decide if you two can work through it or if your trust is broken forever. Getting through this is going to a process and if your husband cares, he will work with you. If he seems unwilling, then you already know what you have to do.
2007-12-25 23:41:48 · answer #7 · answered by fingerprint 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
im sorry my friend had same thing happen to her. he wasnt good to her anyway very selfish. find someone to talk it out with. cry . it is not you though. it is his problem. You are vanilla and he wanted to try strawberry. he is selfish and doesnt have the skill to be good husband. You could be a model wife and he still would have cheated.
2007-12-25 23:43:31 · answer #8 · answered by uhoo65 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing that can ease your pain except time.
You need to decide between forgiving him and moving on and leaving him and moving on.
I have a feeling you deserve so much more than he will ever be able to give you.
Good luck. I will pray for you.
Just do not let yourself forget the fact that you deserve better!
2007-12-25 23:39:58 · answer #9 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all , get yourself tested for any STDS. If you decide to stay with him ( which I wouldn't ) then you make sure he gets tested for any STDS also. After that if you decide to work it out then you need to go to marriage counseling. If you can't afford it then contact a church or the preacher /religious leader of whatever religion you are.
2007-12-25 23:45:57 · answer #10 · answered by Siamesecat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋