I have this friend he is a good friend but he is married he is having trouble in his arriage and I have just seperated from myhusband.I know that we like each other because we have expressed these feelings.he dosent want to leave his wife because she stood by him thru soo much but he says that he is in love with me.I don;t really believe him but I have strong feelings for him because he was there when I went thru my seperation,however I dont want him to leave his wife on my account.I know I need to leave him alone for them to be happy but I have tried this 3x's before and he tells me he loves me all the time. What should I do?
2007-12-25 15:08:45 · 18 answers · asked by Lynboges 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
a true "friend" wouldnt put you in this position to begin with!!
2007-12-25 15:17:45 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa 82 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not take another woman`s husband without feeling some guilt that is why you don`t want him to leave his wife on your account. Leave him alone regardless of how much he says he loves you. If you find out that he has gotten a divorce then by all means call him up and go from there. The fact that you don`t really believe he loves you should tell you to look else where even if he was not married. Besides all that it sounds like you are only separated and not divorced yet from your husband.
2007-12-25 23:34:16 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Un-couth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obiously, you two are more than just close friend. However, it is unfair of you because you cannot be the mistress. He need to make his choice. Best way is minimise contact to a minimal. If he has marriage problem, he should either choose to divorce (ie. change) or focus more in his family. Give it some time, you will know.
Do not start an affair until you finish one. Else will be messy and painful. I know it becaasue I am in the process (hus) to make a judgement for myself. The one I love decide not to have contact with me anymore and I feel it is fair to her.
Gool Luck
2007-12-25 23:19:38 · answer #3 · answered by TT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When it comes down to it, since he is so open about being infatuated with someone other than the person he has promised to love honor and obey for the rest of his life, I would say that even if he were to divorce him for you then he may be so easily inclined to leave you for someone else if he had the opportunity. I know it's hard since you two are friends, but I would say that the best way to make sure you don't feel incredibly guilty is to high-tail it outta there. Being in a mess like that brings on guilt, as well as a furious wifey. I know it's cliche, but if you really care for him, let him deal with his marriage on his own.
2007-12-25 23:14:48 · answer #4 · answered by LeeAnn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel strongly about this and he won't respect your feelings, then cut him off completely.
Change your number, don't take his calls at work, don't open your door to him at your home. Eventually he'll go away. Since he's such a good friend, you can try and have the talk again.
Having gone through a divorce, I so respect what you're trying to do. I couldn't trust the emotions I felt during this time and I think you're being a great friend by not allowing him to leave his wife for you. He needs to try and work it out and then if it's really over, then he can leave for his reasons, not because of you.
Good for you!
2007-12-25 23:14:27 · answer #5 · answered by LifesAMystery 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may have to stop being so nice. He is not good for you and you know it. The right person is out there for you, but it is way too soon. You need time to heal. If you are wrapped up with this guy the right guy might pass you by thinking you are already taken.
Just tell him, you are too raw from your divorce and need time and space. Thank him for being a friend, then firmly tell him you need him to leave you alone. Do yourself this favor.
Good Luck.
2007-12-25 23:16:49 · answer #6 · answered by vyk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you're either the "Other Woman" or you're not.
I think this is more a matter of your own self-respect than anything else.
A man who is married yet continues chasing other women doesn't exactly have a high degree of personal integrity, does he?
Nobody would want to be married to a man who goes around telling other women that he "loves" them.
Yet, this is the kind of guy he is.
As I say, this is a matter of your own self-respect. You have to be happy with yourself.
Good luck!
2007-12-25 23:20:43 · answer #7 · answered by jasper addleton 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He not going to be hurt if you cut him off, do you know why? Because he's NOT leaving his wife! if he didn't love her, he would leave her for sure. She's always going to be there. You need to go ahead and do what you need to do. Sure he is your good friend, but you need to be a better friend to yourself and find someone without all the extra "I got a wife but I'm not leaving her" baggage.
2007-12-25 23:51:21 · answer #8 · answered by fingerprint 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave the guy. Number one BOTH of you are married. You are separated not divorced therefore you are STILL married. If you "know you need to leave him alone" then DO SO. You do not HAVE to answer his phone calls, emails and you do NOT have to answer the door when he shows up. Those choices are up to you...Now, are you going to choose to walk away or to be a whore?
2007-12-25 23:25:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should do what exactly prompts your consiousness taking into account all the minutest issues involved, since the situation is neither proper nor fair under any yardsticks of morality or social acceptability and respectability involved.
2007-12-25 23:29:54 · answer #10 · answered by mkm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to stop talking to you. Change your phone number. Tell him to go work it out with her, and leave you alone. Tell him you do not want to be responsible for their brake in any way.
2007-12-25 23:26:45 · answer #11 · answered by Linn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋