Marriage advice/ opinions anyone?

Question

I've been married for close to 3 years now. It has always been up and down. Most of the time my wife and I enjoy our lives together. But on occasion we have really bad fights. I try many different things to keep these arguments from happening or getting out of control. We've both left home before... but mostly her. But we always make up, no matter how bad the fight. Today is Christmas. And I'm home alone. I let her plan everything this xmas so that she would be happy, because she gets crazy (in my opinion) around the holidays. She dosn't work and we have no kids. I spent near 5 grand on presents and decorations. Up until today everything went pretty smooth. Then all hell broke loose. Basically she ripped me a new one. She told me she "didn't want me to go to her moms with her", "that I should die", "Piece of sh*t", "I hope this is the last xmas we spend together" etc. This is what always happens... and I eventually loose my cool. What can I do? How can I go on like this?

She is actually a couple months older than me.

When someone asks me a question how do I respond?

She has been with me through some really tough times. Since we've been together a very close cousin of mine died instantly in a motorcycle accident, then the next year my dad choked at dinner and died a couple days later, now this year my aunt has been in ICU for near 2 months. Throughout these hard times she has really been there for me and my family. She takes care of the house and all chores. And shes the only person I have to love. She just goes crazy sometimes.

Answer 1

You might want to look into counseling for both of you. They are obviosly underlying problems that she is having a hard time dealing with and talking about.

Answer 2

LEAVE!!!!!

NOW!!!!!!

Dude, you don't have any kids! Do you really want to make some and bring them into that kind of environment?

Write down/type up everything you can remember that she said today or whenever the fight was at it's worst. Then, save your money or whatever you need to do, and pack your **** and LEAVE! when she asks why, hand her a copy of what you typed/wrote up from the argument.

Then, suck it up and take off. Chances are that it'll be a little rough on you for a few months, but in the long run, just to be rid of her, it'll be worth it.

Get started and don't look back - that's when people get scared and stay.

Answer 3

It will be alright! Let me say Merry Christmas to you first. All marriages go through something. See if she would agree upon counseling but you are going to have to make some decisions about if you both want to continue to be on the war path like this. First , remember this what is the fighting really about? It could be stress, marriage is give and take. At times it is truly not a bed of roses. Pride must go out of the window. Someone is always going to have to be bigger in character. It might not seem fair but marriage is work and two people have to work at it, if not you are headed in a danger zone. Find out if something is troubling her? Once words come out of your mouth you can't put them back. You really got to exercise some patience and wisdom. Yelling, and screaming has never resolve any issues. I pray that it works out for the both of you!

Answer 4

you have been married 3 years you have no kids and she doesn't work and you spent 5 grand on Christmas bet you keep hold of all the money too.

So what does your wife do with her day the house work sit around watching days of our lives, she is obviously bored if you don't have any plans to have kids let her go and find a job to fill her day. The fact that you said I spent nearly 5 grand on Christmas leads me think you control the money with an iron fist, either that or you haven't figured out in 3 years a marriage is supposed to be a partnership. If you haven't figured out yet she's not happy you need to look at yourself then find out why this is so but just from your question I can guess.

Answer 5

Sounds like your wife has some things that she needs some help with. Maybe because she doesn't work she has some insecurities? I don't know. But for her to say the things you said she said, she has some anger issues she is dealing with. Sometimes when people have anger management issues like this they say really hurtful things. The kind that cut you to the core. The one thing you can do is try and understand her anger and try not to react to it emotional but rationally. If she doesn't get an emotional reaction from you she will do it less and less. I have a stepdaughter who has the same problem and she had relationship problems because of her anger and the things she would say. Her new husband, THANK GOD HE CAME ALONG, is wonderful. He lets her blow her top and reads the newspaper and says kindly, if you want to talk Ill talk but I am not screaming. He has been so good for her and she has realized how to talk about what is bothering her instead of exploding. My gut feeling is that she has this problem and has insecurities and trouble expressing the. If she is willing to go and get help for her and counseling for the both of you I would try. She may not see this as her fault and you don't want to point findgers but you can try not reacting yourself . I hope I have helped. Merry Christmas

Answer 6

You deserve some serious answers from her.

WHY .. doesn't she want you to go to her Mom's with her? ... you need to know her reason why.

WHY ... does she hope this is the last Christmas you spend together ?? ;;;; she needs to tell you WHY.

WHY .. does she call you those names .. and say those ugly things? ... since she is the one who did them - she owes you an explanation.

There is a problem here .. and her outbursts are only like a sympton ... it is not the cause .... so ... what is the cause & reason? When you find out these answers, then you mght discover how to fix the problem.

Her talk, to you, is abuse. You don't have to take that.

WHY .. would you want to stay with any person who tell you that you should die ? This is your choice to stay & take that .

It seems that she knows she can abuse you, leave you ... then come back to you. You take it - and she knows you will take it.

You can either stay there, as usual, and take it. Or, you can tell her that you aren't going to take it anymore - and mean it.
Or, you can leave her .. and not ever listen to her doing this to you again.

Answer 7

She sounds a little unstable. You should try to be apart. You don't have kids to worry about just property. Maybe a trial seperation would work. Try to figure out if your marriage is worht saving. If it is, counseling is definetly needed.
Oh and as for the up and down part, if you think back and realize that it has mostly beed down, then you really have a problem.

Answer 8

* Communicate * Date the person you marry. Just because you're married doesn't mean you have to give up on fun. Go out and still date and laugh and have fun. * Marriage is hard work, but worth it. * It's okay to go to bed angry. In the morning you're much more rational and will be able to work through whatever it is much more calmly. * Compromise, compromise, compromise. * Choose your battles. * Marriage doesn't mean the loss of independence. Retain who you are as a person--that's part of what your significant other fell in love with and that's what adds the great dynamic in your relationship. * You don't have to agree on everything. * Put each other first.

Answer 9

I would suggest reading the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. The best thing to do would be to read it together, but you reading it and applying what you learn can really help. It sounds to me like you guys don't communicate well, and you BOTH probably feel unloved and unappreciated. The book is awesome on teaching you how to show your spouse love in a way that he/she understands. You show love all you want, but if it isn't in a way she understands....it doesn't do any good. My husband and I still are struggling to learn to apply what we learned, but things are much better. We have moved past, financial problems, job stress, fighting, violence, and just feeling like their was no way out of the misery. Just give it a chance....I think you will be really surprised! ~ God Bless and Merry Christmas

Answer 10

so what happened then? she didnt want you to go to your in laws house? why? is there something else going on that you dont know about? like is she having someone else go to her families house? is she starting an argument on purpose to go somewhere else besides her moms house? i think if you have been in fights and only have been married for a few years guess what ? it is not going to work out for the next 20 years. it is over and she clearly isnt ready to continute this relationship if she just told you to go get a life and die!!! if she wants this to be the last christmas then make it her last one. she doesnt want you anymore. she wants nothing to do with you and you deserve better! you deserve someone who will be there for you when you need her especially on this special holiday and after you have spent all that money. hey maybe she wasnt ready for marriage and maybe she wants something else. I suggest you either get counceling to make it work or just end it now and end the stress.good luck and Im sorry you have to be alone during this time of year.