This teen relationship has cost me the Mom much heartache and frustration.I do not want my teen this person.?

Question

There has to be a better solution.Neither one will listen or follow my rules.I am more than fed up.There has to be a better way as she will either end up pregnant or not finishing high school and messing up her life.T
hey are thick and could care less.I have talked myself silly on deaf ears.they lie and sneak every chance they can get and I have had enough.I need good advice fast.I am meeting with them both to discuss this once again and I need something they will listen to.Or an answer to resolve this.It has to stop before I lose my sanity over it.They are not married and obviously too young and everything I've taught has gone out the window..disreguarded.i regret ever letting them date.It has turned into a nightmare.She has ripped my heart out throwing her life away on this unspeakable kid.I need more advice quick...I wish I could throttle them both but they would care less.They are thickheaded and foolish.Please help asap.

Answer 1

I haven't spoke to my mother in 4 years because she tried to keep me and my boyfriend apart. She had all of the same concerns as you. "he's trash, he's not good enough, you'll end up pregnant, why are you doing this". That was the final power struggle I had with her. To this day my boyfriend is now my fiance, I'm not pregnant, I finished HS and have a 4.0 in college....all doing it by myself and with no support at all from her or any of the family. Sometimes you might be scared but the more judgmental you are and the more force you use on you teen the more you will push her away. She wants nothing more then to establish her independence from you and if she has to fight for her relationship she will stay with him. All of my sisters did the same thing. But when the parent finally lets go, if this guy truly is a jerk she will see that and drop him. Quite giving her a reason to fight for him, your only causing yourself more pain and prolonging their relationship. Also consider the fact that you might be wrong about this guy. He may put up a tough or bad boy exterior to hide his own pain or shame or whatever. Get to know him, and as hard as it is make him part of the family. You daughter will talk to you more if she feels you not going to "I told you so" and you can keep a closer eye on them.

Answer 2

I love my mom and sometimes we're best friends but other times we get in arguments. She just nags and its over incredibly stupid stuff. Seriously, is the world going to end if I don't put up my clothes right now this second?!?! What is the big deal? Why start WWIII over flip flops left in the kitchen? I'm more chill and shes not. We have TOTALLY different ways of looking at things. I'm logical and shes emotional. Whenever we're around each other for too long we have some sort of disagreement. Its not bad, but I'll be a little glad to go to college in the fall to see what its like living on my own. Need to spread my wings, ya know? When we're away from each other I appreciate her more, and she helps me with a lot. Shes a good mom and shes sacrificed a lot for me. I know for a fact I would not be where I am now without her.

Answer 3

I am so sorry your child is out of control. This is undoubtedly the worst part of parenting, and it is not uncommon. You can't keep a teenager from having sex or being involved with someone. You can only give her the tools (information, visit to Planned Parenthood, etc) to deal with her sexuality responsibly. I suggest you will get better results by treating them both more kindly and respectfully, even if you're seething inside. He may well be a total bum, but you have to let her figure this out for herself. Teenagers are notorious for their rebellion and think they know it all, so be patient.

Having said that, if you suspect drug or alcohol use, skipping school and other truly antisocial behavior, then you need an intervention. Get a counselor at her school to help you with a plan. You are the parent, after all.

You will also find you get better results by not getting hysterical (even though you feel like killing them both). You have a right as the parent to know where she's going, to honor curfew, to know how's she's doing in school, etc. If she's messing up in those areas as well, again see the counselor and come up with an intervention plan.

Don't let it make you crazy. It just gives her the upper hand, not a good position to be in with a teenager.

Answer 4

Rose,,,,,,I really wish there was something I could tell you, towards the relationship you are in with your teen, but it does seem like the issues you are talking about have been building up for quite some time, and the communication between you two isn't the best.

It sounds like, to me, that you are finding yourself out of your league for dealing with the thickheadedness and foolishness of the teens; but You are the parent and Your rules are your rules. It might be a good time for an 'intervention' plan with a counselor for them,,,,,or maybe a good time to turn them over to the Lord and let Him deal with them.
They are old enough to make decisions on their own, and they are the ones that are going to pay for those decisions. Sometimes paying for those decisions is the only way for them to learn the hard lessons about life......It's not in your control anymore.
The only thing you can do is tell them that you love them,,,,,but there is a thing called "tough love" and it might be time to put it into action.
This also might be the time for counseling for yourself!!!!!

Answer 5

Mom please calm down - step back and get your child on some birth control along with some sex education regarding STD's and the dangers of them. This is how people grow up-you do not state their ages or the situation -so I'm guessing is sexual- When you react so vehemently a teenager will tune you out completely-There is a clearer way to handle this. I wish you well. If the person is older and that is the issue call the police,i am just not clear on why you are so angry

Answer 6

You are the parent....and the kid is less than 18 years old. All I can say is, since she doesn't cooperate and you care for her much, GET THE AUTHORITIES INVOLVED.

I'm not really sure but just ask the police on what you can do.

Also, do LESS talking to her, and MORE physical action (like calling the authorities)

Also, try talking to the other kid's parents. If that in possible or doesn't work. Just get them separated or else...(insert punishment)

or Boot Camp, or Military School. I don't know how the process works but I see a lot of success stories on TV on them.

BOTTOM LINE: GET THE POLICE...NOW~!!

Answer 7

Its not too much to ask that a kid follow certain rules if they are living under your roof and they are minors. First you have to start by actually being the parent.

In the end, you can only give them the information they need to avoid messing up their lives. If they choose to do otherwise, it is not your fault and you should let them suffer the consequences if this happens and not bail them out. Be there for them to talk to when they screw up, but DO NOT bail them out. Some people just insist on learning things the hard way.

Answer 8

Exercise your authority as the mother. You are in charge and you need to make that clear. If your daughter will not obey you, why is she still living in your house? She is not obeying you, because she doesn't respect you. She doesn't respect you, because you have not established yourself as an authority that she must obey, or suffer consequences that she does not want. You shouldn't be the one so worried about losing your sanity. She should be the one so concerned about not messing up, that she is making every effort to stay within the rules you make as her mother. You have got to put your foot down. Somewhere along the line, you became too easy and permissive. Get your authority back by establishing rules in your house that she is required to keep, if she is going to live there. If she violates your rules, then you need to make arrangements for her to be in the custody of someone who can handle her.

Answer 9

I also have a teen sister and I act as her guardian since my mom is overseas. She's been into so much trouble already. She stopped studying (1st year college) and I caught her bf sneaked into her room (hope it was the first time), I really slapped her and kicked her bf out of the house.
After that, we talked and I told her that we love her and we care so much for her future.
I was relieved when I received a letter from her, apologizing for what happened and promised that she will be good and that she will study next semester.
Teens need talking (a lot). They crave for attention and be sure to give it to her, just dont pamper her too much.

Answer 10

This is the starting scenario for almost every teen relationship ever, lulz. The majority of teenagers are thickheaded and foolish, and this causes parents to dislike them. It just happens.

PS: why don't you just ground her? Also, if you know/think they're having sex, I'd try to get her alone in a neutral environment to discuss the use of condoms or safe sex in general. I assume you've told her your worries about her not finishing high school.

Other option: MOVE, she'll be devastated and hate you for a long time!