ok here is the deal i've been married for 3 1/2 years i'm 23 years old and my husband for the entire time we've been married treats me and my sons like crap, always yelling in our faces and constantly telling me what i can and cant do where i can and cant go who i can and cant have as friends and so on, i care about him still but i feel like i'm done.....i met a guy 3 months ago who is the most awesome guy i've ever known he is sweet thoughtful and genuinly cares about ppl, he is reeally good with my sons and my sons like him also. i really care about him and feel like i'm in love with him and he says the same about me........what do i do?? please help me i'm so stressed out i feel like i dont know which way is up anymore thankyou so much for any of your help!!
2007-12-25 14:07:11 · 18 answers · asked by crystalbbl143 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband sounds like my ex husband! Get with the new guy and you'll be much happier. Even if it didn't work out you will be happier being away from the abusive husband and you don't want your son to grow up thinking that is a normal way to treat his wife.
2007-12-25 17:10:51 · answer #1 · answered by sarah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Several things going on here- You, your husband, your children, and your b/f.
Not sure what's best for the boys, but we'll hope that they'll be all right no matter what.
You aren't happy. You don't need a reason, just get away from the husband for awhile. Divorce? Maybe, but you don't need to divorce him to just get away.
Your husband's welfare may not be high your list of priorities. But it's on his, and he has the ability to influence your life. Divorce sends a very definite message. Something like "I don't want you anymore." This is a very personal and intense form of rejection. It could easily lead to a nasty, prolonged divorce. Just leaving for awhile might be simpler. He could see a counselor and identify and improve his behavior.
The boyfriend seems OK with having a married woman in his life. If you leave your husband, this puts him in a different position- it's easy to commit to some dates and to playing with your boys. But how will he handle your elevated availability?
So I think you should just leave. It'll be better for you to be somewhere that a controlling husband isn't; your boys will be OK for the moment. Your husband may find a motive to clean up his marital act. And your b/f will have an opportunity to reveal his potential eve more clearly.
I would not use this as a vehicle to get closer to the boyfriend. Take some time to thing about what you want for yourself. Get some counseling. You've got some real issues to work through- a lot of them involve your husband, sure, but the ones that involve you and your attitude will take some time to resolve. Take the time and see what you can do with yourself before you get too excited about a wonderful new, exciting man.
Good luck and have a great New Year!
2007-12-25 14:44:09 · answer #2 · answered by going_for_baroque 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the problems have been there the entire time you have been married, then chances are that they were there before you got married, And if after only 3 1/2 years you feel that you have to cheat on your husband then you shouldn't have been married in the first place. Perhaps your husband tells you what you can and cant do because he knows that you are a cheater.. Sounds like no one is happy there, So do everyone a favor and get a divorce.
2007-12-26 01:45:26 · answer #3 · answered by Tina B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl you do not wanna start a relationship like this because whether you like it or not you are still cheating on your husband, no one's perfect and it is so easy to give up on your marriage since you have met this wonderful man. But you are in a bind right now because you are not even sure if you want to leave your husband. Time out from both situations and really think about it, talk with a trusted mature friend or even a counselor before you do anything. Make sure this is a situation that you are done with, ask yourself If you have a problem with relationships when things get hard,because all relationships or marriages will get to a rough patch you gotta work at it because even if you settle with this new guy it is not all rosy always.Search within yourself learn from your mistakes. If all fails divorce from your husband especially if you wish to continue this relationship with the new man. Do this thing the right way.cheers
2007-12-25 14:26:09 · answer #4 · answered by Versacetica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one should be abused. Before you decide on a divorce, get your husband to agree to this if possible: you and your husband stand, holding hands as you did at your wedding, and have someone slowly read the marriage vows; re-create the marriage ceremony. Consider the vows you took; for better or for worse; forsaking all others; love, honor, and cherish, till death do you part. Discuss the meaning of the vows and what you intended.
Consider what a divorce will do to your children.
If you simply can't work it out, divorce should be the last resort.
Good luck.
2007-12-25 14:34:18 · answer #5 · answered by hermanthemagnificent 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are wondering if it really is "over" with your husband, I'll give you some advice a good friend gave me:
Imagine your husband walking down the street and holding the hand of a beautiful woman he is in love with..........
You see them walking - what is your reaction?
If you can honestly say you are glad for him that he found someone who makes him happy - then it's over.
Really, this works. I recently had dinner with my husband and his girlfriend and all of our kids. Seeing him sit across the table with her by his side, I felt no jealousy at all. In fact, I was very happy for him when I saw the way she looks at him with genuine caring in her eyes.
If you are over him, then move on. It won't be any good for anyone if you stay together and both are miserable. I'm assuming that since you are only 23, your boys are still very young. Don't raise them with so much hostility around. You may find that when you and your husband are apart, he will treat them differently, hopefully for the better.
Good Luck!
2007-12-25 14:14:40 · answer #6 · answered by Tauri Athena 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
OK lets get this straight....You're 23 years old....You've been married for 3 1/2 years. You have at least 2 sons and current husband is not the father? ....Now you have a boyfriend that is awesome....and you've introduced your sons to him? Please take a break girlfriend. You've been a busy girl in 23 years. I wish you stability and happiness. Merry Christmas and good luck.
2007-12-25 14:49:38 · answer #7 · answered by jeff b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you married too young, and need to do what is right for you and your sons. Divorce this man if he will not treat you nicer, but you REALLY need to consider what you are exposing your sons to before you do it. They need a POSITIVE father figure in their lives who is going to bring them a stable and safe environment. You made the mistake of marrying a man who isn't providing that. Now they are meeting your next flavor, who may be nothing more than someone passing through. You need to think about your role in teaching them about relationships. Allowing men to come in and out of your life and treat you like crap is modeling for them how a man should treat a woman.
2007-12-25 14:24:33 · answer #8 · answered by SWEETYPI 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get out of your marriage. You and your sons are possibly being abused, no matter if you have a boyfriend or not. You can't subject your kids to that kind of behavior that your husband is exhibiting. If your boyfriend cares about you like you say he does, then he'll be there waiting when your divorce is final. Good luck!
2007-12-25 14:13:20 · answer #9 · answered by Bryan B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave your husband. But I wouldn't hook up with the boyfriend straight away. I would take some time out for myself. Maybe go out with him now and then go from there. Jumping from one relationship to another is hard you need time out. Esp for your kids it's not just about you. You need to consider them as well.
2007-12-25 14:45:49 · answer #10 · answered by Amanda H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋