My husband ben was married before and has a 7 yr old son with his exwife.The problem is his exwife hates me and is very jealous of me. So his exwife is allways getting gifts for my husband that makes "diggs" at me and reminds him how inportant she is for giving him a child.For example for x-mas she gave him a very nice frame with a 8x10 pic of her,my husband and thier son that said "our family" or for my husbands b-day she gave him a nice dish that had poem about thier son and how he was made in love. If she just wanted to have thier son give a gift why not have him make one? Why does she do this and what should i do?
2007-12-25 14:00:54 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Seriously, the bottom line is this:
This woman is a loser, and that's why YOUR husband left her. Now, of course she' jealous of you, because you HAVE what she can't have, and couldn't hold on to.
Instead of stressing over the wacko's idea of trying to tell your husband something, instead, you should be getting the same laugh out of these gifts that I am. Just make sure your husband isn't putting these fricken pics on display in your house for all YOUR family to see.
2007-12-25 14:14:29 · answer #1 · answered by Mister 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see where that would drive someone crazy. First of all, talk to your husband and let him know that this is not normal behavior and that he is encouraging her by accepting the gifts and he needs to stop. If that doesn't work, you and your husband have to make up a plan of what to do the next time she gives him a gift like that, for example; when she gives him a gift, just say thanks and immediately walk to the trash can where she can see you and drop it in. Then go on about your life. I read where someone suggested a restraining order, but as a paralegal I can tell you that won't work because he is accepting a gift and that is not harassment, that could also screw up his visitation with his son. Another great idea is for his son's birthday or Christmas give a glossy, framed 11X13 of yourself, your husband and the son. See if she gets the hint. Good Luck. Dealing with ex's is no fun, and if she wants to act like a spaz then give a taste of her own medicine.
2007-12-25 14:53:43 · answer #2 · answered by begood1977 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I have dealt with the same crap. Only it was father's day and the wonderful framed photos of him holding his kids as babies. Funny when the exes realize it is serious and pull out the digs to "remind" the father of their kids and in that sad desperation are trying to "remind" them that they are the mother to their kids and therefore feel they are somehow more important. A simple tie wouldn't have sufficed. Lol. It's just their way of saying "hey, don't forget about me". Sad, but true.
Then on top of it, add a man that thinks he has to keep the ex happy in order to have a good relationship with the kids and you have a ton of a room for a manipulative ex to do their work and interfere when they feel like it. This is where it needs to stop. He has to realize his relationship with his kids is a separate thing and no longer includes the ex. Their business is the kids only and is a co-parenting relationship. Not gift giving, not family type outings, nothing. They are divorced and it's over.
Let me share with you what I have done, after many times of the ex trying to get digs in. I decided that you can not manipulate what does not respond. I stopped going to exchanges and any contact of any kind. After all that had happened, I felt it was his crap to deal with and either he would take care of it or not. I was prepared to leave if things did not get better and do what was best and healthy for me. Of course your husband has to set boundary's in place for this behavior to stop. You need to tell him if something makes you uncomfortable and he should put your feelings first. You are his wife and you are NOT second to his ex. He should not have accepted that framed photo. When he accepted it, it gave her the response that she wanted and adds fuel to the fire. Throw it out.
It starts with your husband, and him realizing she should not be allowed to possibly jeopardize your marriage or make you feel the way it is making you feel. You need to explain this and try to make him understand he no longer has an obligation to her. Boundaries have to be set and there has to be consequences for when she crosses those boundaries. You have to do it together and be united. This is your family now, not hers. Certainly this must have been a concern before you got married and should have been straightened out then, because it will be more difficult now that you are married to him. Keep at it though. What she is doing is wrong and he needs to see that. I would stay away from her, talking to her or any contact with her personally. This will make your point and tell your husband that the gift giving is not acceptable to you any longer. The past is the past, so leave it there.
Oh, and i wouldn't play the back and forth game with trying to get back at her. This will not solve the problem and only make it worse. Someone suggested giving the son a framed photo of you guys back, I wouldn't, it won't solve the real issue here and may make it worse. Ignoring her says more and shows you are more stable.
Stand your ground and hang in there. Best wishes honey!
2007-12-25 15:55:06 · answer #3 · answered by 2008girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who cares about HER? Honestly. Watch how your husband reacts to the gift. Does he throw them away? Does he get annoyed? Does he give save them to give to his son when the boy is at a more appropriate age to recieve these gifts? Or does he keep them and cherish them? If it's the latter, I'd suggest marriage counselling quick. Your husband still has an attachment to his ex wife and he needs to get over it. But if it's the former, I wouldn't worry about it much. You might suggest to your husband that he give his ex wife the number of a reputable psychiatrist because she obviously has some codependency issues. Your major concern should be the relationship you have with your husband. If the ex wife's gifts aren't causing a rift between the two of you, don't give yourself any extra stress by worrying that another woman may still love him.
2016-05-26 05:53:39 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does your husband think about it? Does he just accept these gifts and think they are nice, or does he agree that it's terribly inappropriate? I do think that she is totally out of line and just trying to rub their past in your face. Don't let her get to you. She's a desperate woman and no normal person would give gifts like that. There's nothing wrong with them maintaining a relationship for their son, but those types of gifts are just her trying to cause trouble. I think that your husband needs to be the one to say something to her about it. And unless he does, you just continue to be the bigger person.
2007-12-27 04:42:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Often, times it is a game that women play. Dont give in to the ignorance and share your feelings with your husband and tell him the situtation and tell him to address the situation because they do share this son together. She is too never disrespect you and he should have a problem with it too. Her main concern should be their son not buying your husband anything. You better find a common ground about this situation before it become explosive!
2007-12-25 14:16:29 · answer #6 · answered by Dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should say something. This is a game. if he does not wish to say something then don't let her win by showing that this bothers you. Learn to do the martha stewart get back at her method. Have other people mention to her how good of a mom you are. Say things that you know the seven year old will go back and say unless it will get her in trouble. Little catchy ryhmes. It will start to come more natural as time goes by. Start it off as "mama says......" Sort of like a wise man once said. "A wise guy once said......"
2007-12-25 14:12:04 · answer #7 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK,
Do you have children with your husband? If not maybe YOU are a little jealous of her also. Also has your husband addressed this with his EX? (That is if you told your husband that this bothers you) Address it and move on with your life.
It is to short to focus on petty high school stuff. It is just plain childish for her to do so and for your husband to accept. Your husband can talk to his son and tell him that he would love to have something he made therefore his mother doesn't have to go out and by one of her hateful and hurtful gifts. Good luck !
2007-12-25 14:18:26 · answer #8 · answered by Sexy PR Mom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I sure would like to know the history here. I can't understand why you didn't know there was a problem before you married him. I've got a feeling there's more to the story.
At any rate, this is inappropriate behavior, and he knows it. The question is, why does he allow it to go on? There's nothing you can do about this, he must handle it. You need to decide whether to want to go to the matt on this one. But it's him you need to deal with, because nothing you can say will do anything but encourage her.
2007-12-25 14:11:55 · answer #9 · answered by Terri J 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take the picture out of the frame and take another one of you and your husband in bed and send it to her saying making a family again and again.she obviously wants him back and as long as your guy just ignore it and doesn't hang It up and doesn't get her something your ok.if she gave it to her kid that would be fine.she needs to move on.
2007-12-25 14:13:28 · answer #10 · answered by Mac 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋