Mother against uncles son because of uncles behaviour?

Question

My mother had an arguement with my uncle because she felt he was autocratic and she was democratic.
I am democratic, my Nan and Granddad who was not so autocratic took sides with my uncle.

It means that there is a split in the families methods of living and my uncle will not talk to my mother, but my grandparents do.

OK

This Christmas, I gave my uncle's son a Christmas present and a card, but I was the only one who did so.
My mother kept claiming she wouldn't *because* she did not get on with my *uncle*.

I am failing in my understanding to figure out why my mother feels no sense of responsibility to my uncle's son, if she does not my uncle.
My uncle's son is still part of the family to me on the basis that he has no responsibility for my uncle's behaviour.
The position in the family does not matter.

Can you explain to me why my mother disagrees?

Sabretooth

Answer 1

I am not going to speak for your mother and you should not try to understand. I think that you have to be comfortable with your own choices and you can only be responsible for those choices. If it is worth anything, I think you did the right thing. Just because I have an argument with someone is not a reason to harbor hard feelings toward them in my book, but then I am known as a conciliator and a person who seeks peace and harmony.

Answer 2

Personally, I would NEVER do anything (such as you described) that would inflict permanent psychological harm on my child. But, I have known of women who've been purely hateful and spiteful, to the tune of making all kinds of untrue claims, just to retain full custody. If this is your situation, what you need to do is contact your lawyer at the first opportunity, and go back to court, where you should request psychological evaluation of your child by a court-appointed specialist, and REQUEST to pay your child support to the Court, so they can pay it to her, and you'll have proof that it's paid. Keep the clothes you buy for your son at your home, instead of him wearing them to his mother's home. Keep a journal of every single thing she does or says, with dates and times, to show the court when you get in there, documenting how she's causing psychological harm to your child, or how she's lying to the court, and lying about receiving child support payments, etc.

Answer 3

Your mother seems to want to disassociate herself from anything or anybody connected with your uncle. So, using that line of reasoning, the son must be rejected also.

You seem to be taking a more reasoned and nuanced approach.

Answer 4

I agree with you. It sounds like she is unable to separate his family from him. Not fair.