Okay, I have been married for 5 years, together for 6. There was a girl my husband was set to marry 7 years ago. They were engaged for like 5 minutes, and it ended badly. The family was involved and it ended badly with them as well. Ever year since then not one holiday has gone by without them bringing her up in one way or another, it even happened today. Sometimes it is just a quick mention.... Others it long drawn out conversations. I have tried walking away. I have told them to stop and that it bothers me. I have told them that I am tired of hearing HER name, and my husband has backed me up on all of the above. Besides just not going to my inlaws, how can I handle this?
2007-12-25 12:00:16 · 19 answers · asked by Brandi 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ask them what their problem is.
2007-12-25 12:03:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Perhaps try asking them if they are sorry your husband married you (and vice versa). If they say no, ask them point blank then why do they insist on going out of their way to hurt both you and your husband. Honestly, if your hubby backs you on this, then they are hurting him as well - do they hate the 2 of you so much that they have to hurt you just to make themselves feel better?
Tell them point blank upon your arrival, if "her" name or anything about her and that part of the past is brought up at all, in any way, you both are leaving ... make sure it's hubby that says it, just for good measure ... and most likely will no longer celebrate holidays with them as they cannot seem to let go of the past. And you prefer to live in the present.
On the upside - it is you that your hubby is now married to. Be happy and cherish that. Don't let the eccentricities of your in-laws ruin your day for you.
Also - instead of you walking out on the in-laws when they bring up the "ex" - make sure it's hubby that walks out. You walking out means it upsets you ... him walking out means it upsets him. And that might make a huge difference. Just telling them it upsets him might not mean as much as showing them it upsets him. Just an idea.
I wish you the best - Merry Christmas!
2007-12-25 20:42:08 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Ariana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ignore it.. change the subject, get up and leave the room, run the vacuum, bang pots and pans together, but don't join in on the conversation
Apparently your husband's folks are obsessed with the girl for some reason?
If it were me? I wouldnt' care.. i'm not married to in-laws.
2007-12-25 20:06:41 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Apart from avoiding there is nothing else you can do. You say you and your husband have told them it bothers you. Avoid them for awhile. That should work. When they ask why. Make it clear it your feelings about not mentioning the past are not respected. You have no interest in visiting their home.
2007-12-25 20:10:01 · answer #4 · answered by Sunset 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would laugh. Who cares about a woman who is an old story? It sounds like they are working to get some sort of rise out of you. They are being mean. Let them know. I think you need to be direct when things are going bad.
2007-12-25 22:04:23 · answer #5 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do they say exactly? Do they rehash the entire scenario? Other than pointing out to them that talking about it all the time doesn't change what happened, I don't know what else you can do. If they try to drag you and hubby into the conversation, not responding and attempting to change to subject might help. Maybe if they see that you can't be sucked into the rehashing will get them to drop it.
2007-12-25 20:06:41 · answer #6 · answered by artsy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have to get a grip, they know this bothers you and they will continue on this course. It will not be easy, or you could match them, by saying, Yeah I seen her the other day and she said that his whole family was the sorriest white trailer trash people she had ever met, or you could say you seen her and she looked all dried up like she was on crack or something. To me they are just plain ol gossipers or they are just messing with you. Good luck.
2007-12-25 20:12:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just say what did you people do to make her end the engagment? and no matter what they say - dont agree with it continue saying no it doesnt make sense you people did something that you all feel guility about. It is guilt that makes them think of her. When you throw it back on them as it is Their fault they wont like it and they will eventually stop.
2007-12-25 20:06:41 · answer #8 · answered by sammy3256 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Some people are limited in conversation because they like dwelling in the past. They can't see the wonderfulness of the present nor plan for the future, its sad really.
2007-12-25 20:07:33 · answer #9 · answered by Tapestry6 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell them from the way they talk about her, you can't help but think they would all have loved to marry her themselves and shared her.
2007-12-25 20:35:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well that's all you really can do is talk to them. It's great that your hubby is backing you on this. It's obvious that they can't get over her.. that's not your problem, or his. Just let them rant and rave about her, don't give in or they will see it's getting to you. Best of luck to you both.
2007-12-25 20:04:28 · answer #11 · answered by Nikki 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋