How do you "forgive" someone who feels no remorse or regret for their actions?

Question

I want to be able to not be angry or hurt about the actions of certain people, but when they don't even care that they have hurt you, how do you do that?
I would find it extremely easy to forgive someone that felt bad, but don't know how to deal with this situation...

Answer 1

Amy,I can empathise.The person I need to forgive most CAN'T appologise to me.I'm almost positive that she would,but she can't.Like others have said before me,forgiveness is for the forgivING at least as much as the forgiven,and I'll never be all the way right until I can do it.So I kinda know how you feel.

Which brings me closer to my real point here.Amy,I'm known(rather ironically,given my ongoing issue)far and wide as a forgiving,paitient friend who will always give you another shot.But I differ with most of the opinions here in one way;not in a million years will I even consider forgiveness for the remorseless.A person who can hurt you and not be touched by your' pain,or not bhorrified at him-or-her self for having done it,is someone who isn't your' friend(or whatever title they hold).I've actually developed a pretty good radar over the years for people who tend to do that to others,so I don't get too close to them to begin with.

Like you,I like to forgive and let go,but I have too much respect for myself to be somebody's fool.And I've been that fool,rest assured,on more than one occasion.Whenever I,by accident for the most part,wronged someone,even just a little bit,I'll literally lose sleep over the thought of being "that guy",of having caused something bad for anyone.To recieve forgiveness for any transgression I might have caused is to have a 2000 lbs weight lifted from my shoulders.When someone wrongs me,and dosen't feel any of that,I start to wonder how much I have in common with that individual anyway.Sometimes,it's better to just FORGET-both the wrong,and the person who committed it.

Of course,there's always two sides to every coin.Does the person truly just not care,or do they lack the capacity to express it?Are they,perhaps,too out of touch with their' own feelings to even be aware of how they feel?It's even possible that the person is SO horrified by their' behavior that they 'shut down' their feelings altogether,making them APPEAR uncaring.Consider these possibilities before kicking someone to the curb,most definitely.

But the bottom line is this:You are not someone's doormat,that's not why you were put here,and,just in the very limited ammount of knowledge I have of you,I can say without a doubt that YOU DESERVE BETTER.
Best of luck,as always,my friend.

Answer 2

Like everyone has said yes you must forgive, and as you ask how? Well first you must confront the person, tell them what they did to offend you, and you did not appreciate it and that it really hurt you. Give them the opportunity to respond. Most of time if they did/said something bad their response will be something like "who me, what did I do?" We all know the type. Anyway if that's the case just say well I guess maybe I should have known better than to expect remorse from you, because if so you may not have done thus and so to start. This is not meant in a mean way but merely explaining your feelings. So from here you've done your part leave it at that, and leave them out of your life, though do pray for them, and also ask God to guide you in your own life. Remember you are not responsible for others actions, nor can you control them, but rather you can only control yourself and your actions!

Answer 3

This is an excellent question that many people have. In order to forgive others, who seem to show no remorse for their actions, you must ask yourself why you wish to forgive them. In most cases, it is to find peace with yourself, or at least that should be the reason. You must stop thinking of holding a grudge as having power over the other person, because in reality, it is their power over you. You obsess over whether or not you should forgive this person, when in reality, they don't really care. So the only person you not forgiving them is affecting is you. Once, you realize this, you can start forgiving because it lifts a weight off of your shoulders, not necessarily the person's shoulders you are forgiving.

Answer 4

It is important to remember that "Forgiveness" only takes one person - you. It's reconciliation that would take two. I personally am unable to ignore the hurt and anger when someone hurts me. Emotionally you have to go through that and sometimes it takes a bit longer for my heart to catch up with my mind. Intellectually I'll know that forgiveness sets me free but emotionally I am wounded. For me it also depends on who has hurt me. I had a very dear friend betray me and I was hurt. I made several attempts to rectify these feelings but she kept doing the same thing over and over again never taking responsibility for her behavior and didn't seem to care. She had no remorse for the hurt she caused. I finally had to realize that I had been avoiding dealing with the loss of the friendship. Once I allowed myself to let go of the relationship I was also able to forgive. We are not friends but I am free from the woundedness that she created. I hope this is helpful and that you will feel the internal freedom of forgiveness in your situation.

Answer 5

Thats a hard one, but you have to realize that the act of forgiving is actually for your benefit and not for theirs. You will be the on that benefits from forgiving them.........if you are able to see it from this stand point, it really doesn't matter how they react at all.
Hate or resentment or feelings of sadness that another cannot "fess" up to their wrong doing, is in essence only hurting them, not you. In forgiving them, you will free yourself up.
This is something my mother told me, and it has stood the test of time:
"Hate does more to vessel in which it is stored than unto the vessel upon which it is poured"...............(not that you necessarily hate the person, but you get the message I'm trying to send)
If you continue to feel angry towards this person, do you think it matters to them? It doesn't. It only HURTS you.
Some people never, ever, confess, or apologize, I have a step-mother who treated me terribly as a child, she's still my step mother, and has never acknowledged any wrong doing.
All I can do is pity her, and the fact that she has not yet reached the level of emotional growth that would allow her to accept responsibility and apologize......that's it's, I just have to let go, otherwise, I hurt me, and frankly it's just not worth it!
Make it about you and your need for peace in your life, you'll be a happier person......and if this someone continues to hurt you, perhaps you should consider avoiding contact with him or her, or just cutting off the relationship all together? I guess it depends on weather the person is a family member or someone you have to see on a regular basis.
....and remember "forgiveness" is not just one final act, it is a continuous effort, those feelings may rise back up again, and you will have to start back over again, not always, but just sometimes......
Peace,
mybelle

Answer 6

It doesn't matter if the offender has remorse. Forgiveness is the the gift that you give to yourself. The act of forgiving someone allows YOU to let go of the hurt and negative feelings. What the offender chooses to do about it is up to them.

Answer 7

Forgiveness is not for the benefit of the forgiven, but for those who forgive. When you forgive, you are saying that you no longer carry the burden of worrying about what people did to you. Worrying about the hurt people did to you is a burden to YOU, it may not be to them. Letting them know that you forgive is a way of telling them that they cannot hurt you because you refuse to let what they do keep you down or hold you back, which is what mulling over the hurt does to you. In Indian philosophy, that is what is meant by karma.

Answer 8

You don't forgive people like that for your benefit...It is all about you. The less you care, the less a toll it takes on you. I of all the people who answer this question know this well...It is hard Kumara - I am not saying it is not - It is not even a fast process...but you have a choice. You can either live with all that hate eating your beautiful soul alive or learn to forgive...
Good luck.

Answer 9

Easier said than done, but I think it's about making peace with the situation for your own peace of mind, completely distinct from where the other person is at. Perhaps it will help to find a harmless way of expressing your anger - such as by digging the garden, or doing martial arts, or perhaps finding a creative outlet (for example, writing your feelings down in a journal, or painting them). These, and the passage of time, will ease your feelings.

Answer 10

Alot of times, it's a good thing to be angry. It helps you from making the same mistakes by trusting the same people. Truth is, if someone doesn't ask for forgiveness, why should you give it to them.