My husband and I separated due to his infidelity along with alcohol and anger issues. Divorce was my own decision, but i met this guy during the process. We really hit it off and have mostly talked and went on one date. The guy wanted to wait until I was divorced to see if it would lead anywhere. I've filed already and am in the process of moving. Should I see where this can lead? I'm afraid he wont wait and i dont want to get hurt again.
2007-12-25 05:51:43 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can wait if you want to or not. Either choice is fine. Filing for divorce and moving out are demonstrations to any court of the intention to end the marriage and not be bound by it's vows. No court will hold it against you if you start a new relationship after moving out.
Having said that, understand the vulnerable situation you're in emotionally. Relationships formed during the first year or so after a divorce are generally not going to last. This has nothing to do with how "good" a person is or anything like that. Your brain has to deal with the breakup and that takes time.
Having said that though, one thing that might help you is having sex with a man who you are pretty sure you're not going to develop feelings for. Done safely, this sex will help you detach from your ex-husband, validate feelings of desirability in you, and validate you as a sexually attractive woman. When you are ready to look for another relationship (give it a couple of years, Hon), you'll be in a better position emotionally.
Hope this helps.
2007-12-25 06:00:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The guy has some common sense and is right you should wait until the divorce is settled and you are established as a single person. The first relationship out-of-the-gate is a rebound deal, and he may realize they seldom work out. You will have a lot of issues to deal with and it really isn't fair to lay it on him.
An btw having sex just to validate your desirability is no way to boost your self-esteem as another poster indicated.
2007-12-25 14:21:58 · answer #2 · answered by SkyLights90N 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well firstly, you said the guy wanted to wait to see if it would go anywhere so there's no reason why he should suddenly change his mind about it. IF you like this guy then there's no reason why you shouldn't give it a shot. You are a free woman and this guy may actually be worth it.
2007-12-25 14:12:49 · answer #3 · answered by Tears are *Diamonds* 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure you aren't have panic feelings of being alone and only trying to rebound with another guy. That is why people say you jump from the frying pan into the fire. If this new guy thinks you are so special, he will be waiting when you are divorced.
2007-12-25 14:26:38 · answer #4 · answered by Harley Lady 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Girl I was about to trash you till you said you've filed. As far as I am concerned filing makes it as permanent as possible. However, as one who had to file and then fight off the women (oh yeah, right, I'm such a great catch, lol) I found that waiting was the best choice. I know that once you are in a relationship it's hard not to stay in one. You just need to learn to be self sufficient in multiple ways. Not just financially.
2007-12-25 14:05:13 · answer #5 · answered by delux_version 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If he won't wait, then that is his loss.
YOu are still married, so wait until the divorce is over before you start dating again. You will be respected for that.
2007-12-25 14:12:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're going to separate anyway, then you can do anything you want with him. On the flipside however, if he's not willing to wait, is he really any good. Decide whether you want to find out where it will lead now, or see if he's nice enough to wait. Also, do you need time to get over 1 bad marriage? You don't want to just rush into something, that's guaranteed to get you hurt again.
2007-12-25 13:58:36 · answer #7 · answered by Heartbroken 2 · 2⤊ 3⤋
If he cares even a little about you, he will wait.
Good luck---you will be very fortunate to find a good thing so quickly!
2007-12-25 14:33:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sure, it wouldn't be the first time Mr. Right showed up so fast. Just be sure to use your head, as well as your heart.
2007-12-25 14:08:14 · answer #9 · answered by ferochira 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes, if you're getting a divorce there is no reason to wait. Go for it!
2007-12-25 13:58:27 · answer #10 · answered by grneyes8621 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋