Should I let my newborn child sleep with my husband and I in our bed?

Question

My husband insist on putting the baby to sleep in her crib, but I rather have her by my side, so I could check up on her easier, and quicker, but then, one time, my husband almost rolled on top of her, is it a bad idea?

Answer 1

This does not "start a bad habit," and there is no need to teach "independence" to a BABY, somebody who is by definition meant to be completely dependent... What nonsense.

That said, sleeping with your baby is nice for babies -- and nice for their mothers. Certainly it's the only way I get any rest, and what baby would choose to be in a crib? Our daughter has not cried at night since she was a newborn-- it's nice to be able to promptly tend to her needs.

But I do understand your concern about your husband. (Note to the naysayers: these co-sleeping deaths generally involve drunk parents and other things that're known risks, NOT safe, planned co-sleeping situations. Healthy mothers do NOT roll over on their babies!) What works for a lot of people is to have one side of the bed tightly against the wall. Baby goes between Mummy and the wall; no problem.

Some good reading:

http://www.kellymom.com/pantley/pantley21.html

And:

"Several well-designed research studies demonstrate that SIDS is actually reduced in babies cosleeping along with an aware, protective (non-smoking, non-drug-impaired) mother in a safe bed."

http://www.babyreference.com/Cosleeping&SIDSFactSheet.htm

Google "safe co-sleeping" for some tips on making a safe sleep environment.

Answer 2

Well, both of our children co-slept with us but it isn't for everyone. If he almost rolled over on her then I would say it's probably a good idea to put her in her crib. Have the crib right next to the bed or something or buy a co-sleeper and have it on your side of the bed so she's between you and the guard rails. Good luck.

Answer 3

Both of my children have slept in the bed with us. However, I would never put a newborn between me and my husband. The sleeping situation with my first child was strange, but by the second one I had realized how to make it safer and smoother for all.

Before my second child was born, we moved our queen mattress set onto the floor. Then we bought a twin mattress set and pushed it against the wall. We pushed our queen up against the twin. For the first six to nine months, the new baby slept on the twin mattress while I slept where the twin met the queen. She had plenty of space of her own, but I could easily roll over to her for night-time nursing sessions or just reach out my hand to rub her back.

Co-sleeping is not dangerous for every family. You just have to be smart about it. And you also have to look at at the sleep needs of you, your husband, and your baby. Some babies sleep better on their own; others won't sleep at all unless they can sense their mommy near. Some people can sleep through anything and get to sleep easily (like my husband) and others have a very hard time getting back to sleep once fully awakened (like me). Co-sleeping worked for us.

Despite all of the extreme warnings against co-sleeping, most families do it at some point. And most fatalities are usually a result of deep sleeping, often induced by alcohol or medicine use, and lack of precaution. And for every family who brings the baby into the bed with them there's another one where the mom spends the first year sleeping in the other room with the baby.

Answer 4

Experts go back and forth about the pros and cons of cohabitation with your baby. Some think that it's unsafe because you could roll over and smother your baby. Some believe that one of you (either the parents of the baby) won't get enough sleep because the other is in the bed with them. Some fear the child becoming dependent on sleeping with their parents and continue to do so well into childhood. Others believe cohabitation makes it easier to sooth the baby and breast food.

Parents.com has a list of articles and pros and cons that might be of interest to you, to help you make an informed decision.

http://www.parents.com/parents/category.jsp?categoryid=/templatedata/ab/category/data/1166219482867.xml

Another thing to consider is your husband's wishes. If both of you are not comfortable with the baby in the bed with you, it might be best to put her in her crib.

Answer 5

My daughter is 3 weeks and I also have a seven year old, with both of my girls I would put them to sleep in their space and then when i had to get up to feed i would lay them with me as I fed and I would go back to sleep. I see no problem with it if you are an aware sleeper. With my first I feared my husband rolling so I put a pillow on the out side of the bed and I slept in the middle. As for starting habits i am one for not starting habits I will have to break later so that is why I always put her to sleep starting in her bed, when she no longer needed to eat at night she no longer slept with me I had no issues with it.

Good luck!!

Answer 6

If you feel comfortable with her in your bed then I would say no prob. But it sounds as though your husband sleeps too heavy to have her there. My babies were fine in my bed and had no trouble sleeping in their crib/bed later. But both me a my husband are light sleepers, so we felt safe co sleeping. It sounds like in your situation though, that you shouldn't co sleep for the safety of your daughter. I know it's a pain to get up, but that will pass, and you baby will stay safe.

Answer 7

I'd keep her in bed with you and have the baby sleep next to you and not between you. You can get a bed rail to prevent falls :-)
But- I'm partial to cosleeping :-)

When it's done the right way it is safer than sleeping alone. We're designed to sleep with our babies- that's why the urge to do it is there. The baby will transition to their own bed when they're ready. I haven't seen too many that go from Mom's bed right to marriage bed :-D

I also have to say that I love how so many people say "well, your DH doesn't think it's a good idea/isn't comfortable with it so you have to respect that"
OK... How about your mother's instinct? That's not worth anything? Hmmm

Answer 8

Co-sleeping is wonderful and natural (and practiced all around the world), and has been proven to reduce the risk of SIDS when done properly. I am a really heavy sleeper, but the moment my daughter was in bed in my arms, I was so in tune with her and didn't budge. It's the best, especially for night nursing. You can get them started and pass out again. Also, having your daughter cradled in the crook of your arm will protect her, as opposed to having her just lying in the center of the bed.
And yes, babies have died, but those cases concerned drunk or morbidly obese people.
Dr. Sears has some wonderful research on co-sleeping. I highly recommend reading his information and trying it out.

Answer 9

I agree with your husband. There are less dangers (not only your husband, but covers, and pillows) when the infant sleeps in the crib. Plus it will be harder to break your child of the habit of sleeping in your bed when they are older.

Answer 10

Babies Uber is correct.
We cosleep with our baby who has never had a night alone- not even in the hospital.

Our son slept with us until he was 2.5 years of age. We began transitioning him when he was 2. It was really a lot easier than we had been told it would be.

Put your mattress on the floor. Put your baby between you and the wall after placing your bed and boxspring up against the wall. My mom says it "looks bohemian" but she can bite me. It's our baby and my husband and I prefer it this way.

I never left our baby to sleep between my husband and myself because of the risks- daddies are not good at being aware of where baby is. Now, she can but she is 16 months old.

Here are some links for you to read and share with your husband:
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/artbenefitscosleep.shtml
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp
http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/tami_breazeale.html

Those are my favorites.

As newborns- both of our children slept ON a pillow between the wall and me. They slept lengthwise on it- their head and feet at the opposite ends lengthwise on the pillow so that nursing them was easier. I then pulled that pillow right up next to me to sleep with them. When not nursing, they were nestled in on their own pillow and it allowed them to sleep comfortably as well as safely. Now, she has her own pillow.

Good luck and I hope you are able to convince your husband. It really is easier on everyone and here, bedtime is a happy time- no crying, no tears, nothing.

Congrats on your new little one!