So, back in March my husband found his ex girlfriend from about 10 years ago. They were sending messages back and fourth and he would not allow me to read them; he deleted them. Ultimatley, I intervened and ended the messaging through her. I found out that he gave her a number but I am not sure what number it was. Just a week ago I caught him looking for her on myspace again. What should I do? I d not have a job and we have two children 6 and 2 years old. I do not feel the connection with him that I used too. I still love him but not sure that I want to be with him. I do not trust him at all.
2007-12-25 05:35:12 · 8 answers · asked by de de 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has told me that he still has feelings for her and that she was his first true love.
2007-12-25 05:45:42 · update #1
I tell him all the time how wonderful he is; trust me thereis not lack in appreciation or compliments and about the children he has four but only two with me and I am his third wife. His other two children are with his other two ex's. One with each.
2007-12-25 05:51:25 · update #2
Talk. Talk talk talk. That is the key here. Talk to your husband. Talk to his ex. Try to find out what's going on. If you're too worried, see a shrink. Yes they're expensive and get bad reviews, but...they can help! Hopefully they'll be willing to tell you what's really going on though. You also just have to decide, what do you consider cheating? Is flirting cheating? Is talking to her at all cheating? Or is it not cheating unless they actually have sex? How much are you willing to put up with? And also, think about what you would do if you were in his shoes.
2007-12-25 05:39:08 · answer #1 · answered by Heartbroken 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What the heck is emotional cheating? Is that some term the "in crowd" uses for rude behavior? It sounds like your husband has a burr under his saddle for his old girlfriend. It's rude and boorish, but it's not cheating. Unless he puts some part of his body inside her, he hasn't committed adultery.
Having said that though, he sounds like he's behaving like an idiot. Sit him down and ask him to choose between the fantasy life he's playing on the computer and phone with the ex-gf or choose you and your kids. He can't have both.
Chances are that your husband is a descent fellow who is having a hard time dealing with the pressures of fatherhood and being the sole breadwinner in the house. Sometimes we need a fantasy or two to give us a boost. Also, she might be telling him how good he is and that he deserves to be happy. We all need to hear that too.
Ask him if there is some need that he's not getting filled in your relationship and have him commit to telling you about things that are bothering him. Be open, but don't let him get away with humiliating or disrespectful behavior. Having needs met is a two-way street.
Good luck.
2007-12-25 13:44:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to sound negative but, this term "emotional cheating" is as ridiculous as "emotional abuse". Both can't be proved, both are used so often that someone who is truly abused gets eyes rolled at them and don't get the sympathy and help they deserve. You are in a sense hurting those people. If you don't trust your husband "tell him that". If you think he may be considering looking for someone else before he divorces you, then remind him what cheaters get in divorce court. Yes you are losing him. There are only two options here. 1) Give up on the relationship, and try to pick up the pieces of your lives knowing that the children will suffer the most. 2) Work to repair this relationship! How? First with threats to him, then to putting some action in your love. Love is a verb, it implies action. He wants to put action into his love but since you won't or haven't accepted his action he is now looking for a substitute that will. Sad too, that an individual that wants to love so bad that he will finally go somewhere else to find it can't get that relationship with his own wife. Just plain sad.
2007-12-25 13:50:36 · answer #3 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This story is exactly what happened to me. Exactly. This is basically like having a twin. Speaking from someone who has gone through this same thing, I am going to tell you what your husband is thinking. In January, an ex contacted me just how your husbands friend has, thru my space. First off, my space is the devil. My dad had recently passed away and when my ex came back into the picture, I crumbled. Destroyed everything that I had worked so hard for, Wife, house, family, even my career. I didnt want to deal with the fact that my father had just died. So what do I do, I went outside my marriage for what made me feel good. Why? Because this person was not actually here near me. Plus, we have had a history together before. We understood each other. Didnt have ties to what had gone on in my life. She diverted all my sorrow away from my reality. Also, it was exciting to finally have contact with someone who at one time in my life made me feel great. I tell my wife that I felt like I was in a coma for 4 months. It took alot for me to finally come back to reality. I cant tell you how important it is to get a hold of your husband. Its really going to take his own self concious mind to want to get through this. It has been 4 months since all this has happenend and I still struggle everyday to try and keep thoughts of her out of my mind. Everything about your story is so real for me. It was 10 years ago as well for me. Please email me as I could write forever about my ordeal. I would love to give you more insight as to what is really going through your husbands head. Man, I just cant believe that someone else has been through the same thing.
2007-12-25 14:20:03 · answer #4 · answered by pumper 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is emotional cheating and needs to be stopped before it becomes physical as well.
Also, you need to get a job. By not working you allow him to have too much control. If you had a job you would not have to worry about how you will take care of youself and kids when he does cheat.
2007-12-25 13:51:07 · answer #5 · answered by grneyes8621 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are over reacting, and by doing so are making it worse. Tell him how you feel Tell him your fears and concerns. But DON'T tell him what to do! If he is a good person, he will do the right thing. If not, you will find out. But you could be driving him away by being controlling, demanding, and paranoid. Good luck.
2007-12-25 13:38:17 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well live with it, If he truly loves you then he'll stay faithful to you ! I wouldn't worry about it !
2007-12-25 13:44:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
no you are not over reacting this is cheating, and left unchecked it will lead to more cheating,
2007-12-25 13:44:15 · answer #8 · answered by George 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋