i have a mate in college and we are very close but she has a bf and shes had alot of problems with him and iv always helped her and they are very happy , but i have strong feelings for her and she knows that and we both agree that when she spilts up with him we both will go out but it really hurts me alot when i see them or she comes for advice or help to me . i just need to know what i can do or any thing that could make me feel better as it gets me down so much ..... and befor any one says we are close mates so i wont stop helping her with her problems and i only want decent advice nothink stupid.
2007-12-25 03:49:51 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Sounds like if she's already made a promise to date you, she's just not that into him. Obviously they're just not for each other, tell her to move on, and until she does there's not that much you can do.
2007-12-25 03:53:17 · answer #1 · answered by Eli G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should ask yourself a few questions first.
1) Is their relationship abusive or harmful ?
2) Are you really helping her in staying in her current relationship or would it be more helpful to ease her out of it?
3) Is she being kind to you in saying that you and she will "go out" after her split OR does she realize that her current relationship is doomed and is preparing for the future ?
Sometimes it is hard to let go of even an abusive or self-destructive relationship. Because there had to have been SOME good times, and you don't want to let go of them.
SO, be understanding, look at the problem with eyes wide open, and examine your own motives. Are you doing what's best for her? Or are you doing what you hope will lead to her and you being together?
2007-12-25 12:05:01 · answer #2 · answered by realpaladindm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never go out. You are seriously wasting your time! You are sitting at home depressed and crying while she is going on with her life. She is dating some creep, and instead of just breaking up with him to date you, she prefers to be treated like crap. That should tell you something! The other problem that you have is that if they ever do breakup you will be the rebound guy, and then you will really have your heart shattered. For your sake, you need to find someone else that makes you happy because everyone deserves to be happy, and apparently she does not care that you are miserable.
2007-12-25 11:55:37 · answer #3 · answered by JONGERTH 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your role is not a comfortable one. Please consider withdrawing your promise to date her when she's done with her current boyfriend... you'll cross that bridge if and when you come to it.
You should choose the role you want to play _now_ as it is very difficult being both a caring advice giver and a beau vying for affections. You can be one now, one later... but your statement indicates that you might have some self worth issues and my first advice would be to remain her friend but go find someone else to date and not hang around waiting for "leftovers". Besides - how honest can your advice be if you harbor a not-so hidden agenda?
Be kind - show respect - but don't forget to extend these considerations to your own self as well.
2007-12-25 11:59:34 · answer #4 · answered by Ron M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't make your whole time revolve around this girl. Find some things that will keep you busy and keep you from thinking so much. She will find out you are the one she wants for being there so much for her. Time can do a lot of strange things. I would try to hold on if you care for you as you say. Being a third wheel is never easy. Try not to spend so much time with her. Make yourself unavailable sometimes. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
2007-12-25 11:56:06 · answer #5 · answered by Luv2no is in the house 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do, if she is happy, is get out of her way. What are you waiting for go find yourself a new girl and move on. You guys can still be friends. Sometime the timing is just off and it never works.
2007-12-25 11:56:10 · answer #6 · answered by Ronda B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that sucks...i feel you . but when does she plan on leaving her bf? anytime soon? how long are you welling to wait?or have been waiting?seem like she is not planing on leaving her bf since she keeps wanting to work things out with him. keep being there for her but you need to find a gf of ur own and when she is ready then ya can talk meanwhile date and don't get stuck on only her. Good luck
2007-12-25 11:56:28 · answer #7 · answered by vivi010571 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best advice i could give you is to wait. If you really care for her the way you say you do then eventually the 2 of you will get together. But while you wait for her don't let life pass you by.
2007-12-25 12:02:41 · answer #8 · answered by Mr. Man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she only is waiting to go out with you because shes scared about telling the world that she is not "normal" by sexual standards. old business advice - when in doubt, do nothing. if she really loves you, this whole situation will play itself out.
hope this helps, merry xmas!!!
2007-12-25 11:53:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to find something to get involved in to take your mind off her and you ask for this knowing that she was in involved with someone.
2007-12-25 12:00:29 · answer #10 · answered by Flowers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋