37 yrs old- had anxiety, social panic my entire life, never really enjoyed life, can't date, considered ending

Question

can't make friends, i compensated for anxiety by drinking to the point of nearly killing myself, 5yr sober now - but there is something in my head that needs something else -being in public, crowds, groups, where there's human interactions terrifies me- in the morning just leaving the house, stand w. my hand on the door for 10 mins. planning just how to get to the car - i've had thoughts of killing my self just to get away from the horror but i know i can't do such a thing to my family- i'm not married, can't date, i've had a couple girlfriends but can't say i've ever understood why, i have had sexual relations but can't say that I've ever really "gotten it"- i recall i may have been molested when i was around 11-12 and had some destructive events happen to me in terms of social interactions - i'm fairly sure i've got some repressed-b.s. - afraid that sometime i might not be able to resist some urges i have until halfway to the ground
it feels like a puppet world, smile and move along

Answer 1

I am so sorry to hear about this. I had Generalized Anxiety Disorder and trust me, I know how you feel. Don't be scared. You have got to put your mind at ease (easier said then done, I know). Try doing a little day by day. Have you seen a psychiatrist for your anxiety? Killing yourself is not an option, you can't think like this. There will be hope at the end of the tunnel for you. You should take small steps day by day. Your not alone, I feel your pain. Email me anytime you would like a friend to talk to. Best of luck. I'm so glad that you are sober 5 years, that's wonderful... drinking doesn't help your problems, it only masks it. Congrats, that's a big step!
Nikki

Answer 2

I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I think you should consult with a doctor because there are medications that can help you. My sister had real bad anxiety, but she went on some medication and it really helped her ( I don't know the name of the medication sorry!). If you beleive you have been molested when you were younger maybe you should try therepy, just not in a group setting. I think there is hope for you if you are concerned about hurting your family then that means there are people around you that care about you, so I would try really hard for them and for yourself to get the help you need. Good luck I hope everything turns out good for you!

Answer 3

Ok so your on assignment working for the government ,, the disguise is that of a former alcholic , You still have to do your mission It doesn't matter how manny , bullets you have to dodge to get to your car you are still going to have to get there , without you someone else will have the job and you have the experience your good at what you do so quit toying with the Idea of retirement the new guy wouldn't last ten seconds , hang in there you've got a job to do ...just remember to duck .

Answer 4

yes, it "feels like a puppet world, smile and move along" to me, too.
but i think the proverbial advice about lighting a candle in the darkness is the best answer to these feelings of detachment: choose any small task you can and just do it.
then give yourself credit for it.
sometimes it seems the only path forward is blocked but experience has proved that making ANY move away from the darkness and confusion is worthwhile: 1) it counters the constant pull of negative forces on your life, 2) it makes you stronger for the next task you choose, 3) it increases the odds you'll eventually find meaningful answers.
glyasdi

Answer 5

I presume you've had counseling/tried psychiatric help? I've had suicidal thoughts many times in my life but I wouldn't have made it without friends so I can imagine it can be really tough. Have you tried any drugs like, for example, prozac?

For me, the best remedy is feeling that I can make life better for others, volunteering, working in charities etc. It makes life more meaningful and it might be something you'd like to try after you've felt a bit better.

Answer 6

i think for you and could completely relate. i grow to be having overwhelming rigidity and panic assaults on a daily basis, too, and a lot of times for no reason (ie: I wasn't under pressure or apprehensive approximately something yet my physique could in basic terms commence freaking out). i began conversing to a doctor approximately it approximately 2 years in the past using fact i grow to be making myself and anybody around me depressing. It took me some years to settle for that possibly I could desire to attempt a medical innovations-set -- innovations you, i do no longer even opt to take aspirin no longer to point extreme drugs on a daily basis. 2 years in the past, i began taking lexapro, which worked ok for some 365 days then appeared to have diminishing effects. final 365 days I switched to Zoloft and located that that worked quite nicely for me. regrettably, a area consequence of alot of those meds is low intercourse rigidity -- my typical practitioner prescribed Wellbutrin to counteract that component consequence and the aggregate of the two drugs works quite nicely for me. I nevertheless have the occasional panic/rigidity attack yet i can now handle them -- they do no longer take over and that they pass devoid of postpone. Please, pass talk on your typical practitioner -- maximum typical practitioners can/will prescribe meds so you might attempt. you do no longer inevitably could desire to be certain a psychiatrist (in spite of the incontrovertible fact that there is no longer something incorrect with that, the two). the drugs has made a considerable useful difference in my life -- i think like i'm a greater effective mom, spouse, ME now. do no longer enable a stigma supply up you from assisting your self. Get your life lower back!! P.S. maximum drugs does take some weeks to kick in yet do no longer supply up ON IT!! at some point you will ask your self whilst its going to commence assisting you experience greater effective and then, the subsequent element you be responsive to, you DO experience greater effective and you probably did no longer additionally be responsive to it got here approximately! i will say a prayer for you . . . get your self nicely.

Answer 7

you need counseling. there are also medications that might help, so you can also ask your primary doctor if you don't have insurance that will cover a psychiatrist or counselor.

Also, if you were a heavy drinker, you might have an imbalance that meds can help.