What should I do? I am happyly married woman and I really love my husband and I believe he loves me...?

Question

But on the work my boss is starting to show some interest for me, and I told him that I do not want that, but he does not want to take no for answer. It is really pleasing but I know it would be wrong if I let anything happen between my boss and me. but how can I handle that? Please help, I do love my husband and don't want to hurt him!

Answer 1

It sounds to me like you really want to get together with your boss, or at least you are considering the possibility.

You say "pleasing" and "IF I let anything happen," instead of "disgusting " and "it will never happen."

What you may be contemplating is really problematical on two fronts. You don't want to hurt your husband, and you don't want to jeopardize your job. Getting involved with your boss could have both these repercussions. Office romances can have bitter conclusions, and the fact that he's your boss makes it even dicier for you.

You don't want to hurt your boss either, I'm sure, but you probably already know that unwelcome sexual advances in the workplace are expressly forbidden by federal law. Your company must have steps in place to investigate complaints and take action when necessary. It's absolutely certain that he would not like being called into your HR department to answer a charge of sexual harrassment. Retaliation against someone who has filed a sexual harrassment complaint is also forbidden by law, but obviously he could make things difficult for you in other ways if you should file a complaint against him.

You're not going to be able to have it both ways here.

No one can stop you from having an affair with your boss. You can keep it a secret from your husband - but it will also be hard to keep it a secret from your coworkers. Word gets around very quickly, and I'm sure other people have already noticed that your boss is flirting with you The more people who know, or suspect what is going on the more chance you have for discovery. Your company probably also has a rule forbidding managers to fraternize - romantically - with people who report to him.

Your manager is acting irresponsibly, and he should know better than to "mix business with pleasure."

So you decide: Affair? Advantages for you to be sure - it's exciting, it adds spice to your life, you like the attention and the sexual gratification. Affairs have a "taboo" aspect to them that many people find stimulating.

But also a potential minefield - among other things, guilt and remorse over what you're doing. Problems at work. Possible discovery by your husband. Etc and Etc. Is he married too? Even worse. More guilt for you.

If you decide to have the affair, you can stop reading this now.


If you decide against it, you're going to have to tell your boss that you are flattered that he finds you attractive, but that for a number of reasons you need to ask him to stop his atttentions to you, that it is making you uncomfortable and you are feeling pressure that you shouldn't have to experience. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you are not going to have an affair with him.

Whatever you do, don't say something like "I wish I could," or "I would if I wasn't married" or "I would if we didn't work together." He has to know you WON'T under any imaginable circumstances. If you leave the door open like that, he's going to keep trying to walk through it.

Really, that should be enough to stop it. If it doesn't, you know your options. You shouldn't have to threaten the guy to make him stop. He already knows what he is doing is wrong.

Report him to make him stop? Not a very pleasing option either, but remember you are protected by federal law. Don't do this unless you absolutely have to. It would be much better to resolve it without getting your company involved.

I wouldn't even mention to him a threat to report him. It's implied, and verbalizing it will make him very defensive - and you'll go from friends to enemies just like that.

Good luck.

Answer 2

First thing you need to do is tell your husband about it.
The only reason you wouldn't is so that the interest remains a secret and going further still remains possible.
Don't kid yourself about not telling your husband to save his feelings.
Besides, hurt feelings mend much easier than a marriage tainted with infidelity, emotional or physical, neither is any better or worse than the other.
Tell me, why is your bosses advances pleasing to you?
Why do you feel pleasure from something so destructive to your life, family, and general well-being?
Either way, invite your boss out to lunch, or maybe a drink after work, and show up with your husband.
Chances are that your bosses expectations of "getting some" will be so high that he will find it extremely uncomfortable to be able to sit at the same table with your husband because he knows that your husband will see right through him to his true intentions.

Answer 3

If you pursue a relationship with your boss it will hurt your husband (he will eventually find out) and it will also ruin your career at work. When the affair ends he is in the position to make your life at work miserable. Not to mention losing the respect of your coworkers when they catch onto the affair. You would be an absolute fool to give into temptation just because he shows some interest. You have told him "no" so he HAS to accept it. If he continues to pressure you to having an affair find another job.

Answer 4

Keep on saying "No" and then file Sexual Harrassment charges against Mr. Boss man.

Women do enjoy that extra attention they recieve from men because it tells them that they are still attractive and desirable. However, the boss knws you are married and still insists on flirting and insinuating that he wants to get romantically involved. That's disrespectful to you and to your husband.

You have the power to not let this happen. Tell your husband about it, file charges against the boss. If the boss retaliates, file a lawsuit. You have the right to be able to work in a non-hostile environment.

Answer 5

Look for another job your boss has no respect for you himself and especially your family!!! You don't need to work for someone that doesn't respect you and is trying to wear you down you are playing with fire. Tell him your quitting and he knows why and walk out of there with your dignity and your head high God will bless you with money and if not he sure will bless your family in other ways Definitely take the higher road because being around this boss could cost you your integrity & FAMILY u can always get another job You sound tempted just get outta there!

Answer 6

Forgive me for assuming too much but it does not sound as if you are quite ready to tell your boss NO.

Based on the fact that you have asked Yahoo ANSWERS for advice on what to do instead of your husband I'm guessing you are torn between giving in and hurting your hubby.

You really cannot do anything without hurting someone ~ either your boss or your hubby. Someone is going to feel left out sooner or later.

It would be really sweet if you could love and please them both but most folks are just too selfish to let it happen.

The heart knows reasons of which reason knows nothing

Answer 7

Ask yourself this question, "Why would you have an affair?"

Happily married people who respect themselves and their spouse do not have sex with anyone else.

Your boss does not want to take no for an answer? A man who would attempt to ruin someone's marriage...that's attractive?

If you love your husband, you'll tell your boss that he's out of line, unprofessional and has no respect for him or you.

Good luck.

Answer 8

Be firm and reject your boss. Tell your husband about it so that you 2 can sort it out. Do not face this alone yourself. If the problem gets worse, I suggest you to seek a new job some where.

Answer 9

This is a good way to lose both your husband AND your job! Before you do anything stupid, STOP, and think about this moment: Your mother and father, and your children, find out that you have been cheating on your husband. That should cool your jets! Now take it home to your husband.

Answer 10

You are in a danger zone female wise....all women like to think they are attractive and you are no different.....attention from men is a compliment....if you are sincere tell your boss to take a hike...first of all all workplaces now have sexual harassment protections.....tell him to take a hike, if he doesnt listen report him to higher management. Most men nowadays with the sexual harassment situation dont want to get involved with women at work.