A friend of mine is going through some issues. She has been with her man for 3 years, and they have a 1.5 y/o son. They are not married but live together. He doesn't show her affection and attention. He was the complete opposite in the 1st year. He gets along great with his son but shows no emotion towards her woman. I know he loves her, but he has this street mentality which makes him act cold hearted. She tells me that they hardly do things together, and they don't really communicate much. If she didn't initiate the conversations, he would hardly speak. I know some guys have affection issues but this is ridiculous. She recently broke down crying and told me and her other friend about what is truly going on. She has heart to heart talks with him and he changes for a month or so.. then he goes back to his old ways. She says that if it wasn't for her son, she would leave him. She would rather remain unhappy and stay with him to avod hurting her child. I feel bad for her. Any advice?
2007-12-24 19:25:38 · 10 answers · asked by Anon 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I had the same problem w/ my bf. I think it's b/c they blame the woman for their lack of independence. When you have ur first child it is a complete 360. My man would leave me and go w/ his friends and we never talked like we used to. He has changed, though my daughter is now 2 1/2. Now he realizes that friends come and go, but we are his family and what matters to him most.
That's not the same for every guy though. Ur friend needs to talk w/ her man and explain to him that she isn't going to do this. And that if he is really considering changing, then it has to be long term, not for a month or two. If she doesn't see any results, she can put up with it like I did and hope things change, or she can decide wether or not she wants to leave him.
Remind her that relationships now-a days are hard to keep. It is so much easier to just pack up and leave. There were many a days when I wanted to. I am thankful now that I stuck with it. In the end, it's ur friend's happiness that matters. She needs to evaluate what makes her happy and in the end, whatever choice she makes, her baby will be happy too, b/c mommy is! Good luck to ur friend.
2007-12-24 19:33:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel, but the best thing you can do is stay out of it. You are her friend, he is her lover. They tell each other things she would never tell you. And she most likely tells him what you say.
If you advise her to leave him and she chooses to stay (or for that matter if you say anything that can be interpreted as negative against him), it will only become a wedge between you two. And eventually that wedge will end your friendship.
As her friend, just listen to her and offer a few non-judgmental supportive words and leave it at that. She is permanently bonded with this man through their child and he will always be around in some form or fashion. And anything you say about him will cause her to resent you eventually, right or wrong. She already makes poor choices, like having a child with someone who is not willing to make a real commitment to her.
And lead by example. Live your life right. If you live your life in an honest, moral, Christian way, eventually she will see how happy you are and start to follow suit.
2007-12-24 19:35:50 · answer #2 · answered by James Watkin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Staying in the relationship just for the child just teaches the child that a loveless relationship is normal. It does no good. She should ask herself if she is affectionate toward him. Very often women become so involved with motherhood that they will place their mate on a back burner. It is hard for them to transition from the freedom of being a couple to the constant responsibility of motherhood, and this is not a criticism but an observation. It was tough enough for me to be a father, I couldn't imagine having been a mother. Maybe working out child care and a weekend away would give them a chance to remember who they were before the baby was born, and why they liked eash other!
2007-12-24 19:35:45 · answer #3 · answered by doc h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a normal scenario in life style . the thing is someunknown ideas may be there withn himself an she doesnt bother to bringitout by way of cooltalks .lt takes few moment to bringdown any man's anger provide a small hug and kiss making totally privete and peaceful environment work for them. avoid the stress of family life and give him happiness by taking him to places of his choice leaving the child with the care of either the grand parents for a few days . repeat the cycle for a fewtimes till he gets accostomed
2007-12-24 19:35:48 · answer #4 · answered by son of adoctor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been given married once I grew to become 20 and he grew to become into 23, it grew to become into like this we met at artwork he grew to become into in college i grew to become into in college then each and every little thing got here approximately so quickly that the subsequent element i understand i grew to become into married, pregnant, and out of my interest and college. So, i'm no longer announcing it extremely is the comparable subject. don't get me incorrect we adore one yet another and maximum of all our daughter yet we gained't help to think of that if consistent with hazard shall we've waited slightly greater then shall we actually see one yet another as acquaintances and in contrast to 3 variety of ordinary element. So my suggestion to you is why no longer attempt residing mutually for some time and word come across your courting and then come to a decision oh and don't have a newborn actual away!
2016-10-19 21:10:05 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try counseling. She shouldn't waste her life being miserable. She has to realize that her husband is teaching their son that his behavior is acceptable in a relationship and that it's the way you show love.
2007-12-24 19:34:10 · answer #6 · answered by T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok 1st off where do they live thats a difference in the answer.........however either way they need to help their relationship while staying fucosed on the kids also...because the child should be considered 1st. so maybe get another helpful person to help in this transition.
2007-12-24 19:31:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, that sounds brutal. perhaps a therapist could help to communicate things better with them?
2007-12-24 19:29:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he's bored try to spice things up then see
2007-12-24 19:29:56 · answer #9 · answered by michael l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lady seem to be less intelligent, man too.
2007-12-24 19:30:32 · answer #10 · answered by Rana 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋