I am 35 yr old Indian guy working as professor in a US university. I have been living all alone here for 15 yrs now, ever since I came to the US to get my PhD and have been very lonely all along. I Sometime about 6 months ago, I reluctantly acceded to my family's "demand" that I get married and they fixed me up with this doctor girl and we spoke on the phone a few times; six times to be exact. Unfortunately, I was rather resigned in my conversations and didn't really communicate. She asked about my "past" and I told her point upfront that it was " blank". Of late, since I am supposed to go to India and marry her 3 weeks from now, I have started wondering (1) I never asked abt her "past" (2) Since I didn't communicate much, I am surprised that she actually agreed to marry me, so does she have too much of a "past" to be "unmarriageable" in the indian sense? (3) why did she even agree to marry me? am i getting into something i dont understand?
2007-12-24 18:22:27 · 9 answers · asked by mem1775 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i dont care in the least if she's a virgin, in fact, she is 34 and i dont expect her to be (just because i have no social skills doesn't mean i want a wife who never had social skills) But I dont want to be the guy she marries because there are a lot of familiar faces she had rather not see again. I dont want to be the backup guy. I may be weird, but if I marry, I want her to respect me as an individual; just the way i would respect her back.
2007-12-24 18:25:13 · update #1
some wise advice, don,t marry her.
2007-12-24 18:25:18 · answer #1 · answered by Jerry S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not so familiar with Indian culture so I cannot answer what it means to be unmarriageable in the indian sense.
However why don't you try asking your own family about her background? Your parents/relatives must have done at least some partial background check on her to see whether she's good for you. As for why she agreed to marry you, maybe she has done a background check on you as well by asking your family. She's obviously concerned about your past, and since it is "blank" and she agreed to marry, consider that a good thing.
What I don't understand is how little you know about her. I have always thought that the benefits of pre-arranged marriages is to do away with the doubts and eventual surprises that usually occur within conventional ones by knowing as much as you possibly can about their backgrounds before entering marriage.
Either way, If you do decide to pursue this, I wish you both the best.
2007-12-24 18:36:46 · answer #2 · answered by rudezaeg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have so many Indian friends as well as Punjabi.(sorry if misspelled)
It is YOUR culture. However, knowing how your culture works...if the girl is of a certain age, her family as well as the girl maybe thinking about her biological clock. Once she reaches a certain age, men do not want to marry such a girl that can not produce him a family. If you are 35 is she the same age?
Think about it. Your next call should include the question she ask you about her past relationships *if any.
But I am thinking she wants to marry to have a family.
BUT I could be wrong. I would ask otherwise you marry her with DOUBTS and you can never trust a person you do not know.
Good luck to you my dear.
2007-12-24 18:32:22 · answer #3 · answered by Southern Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pal; you've been here for 15 yrs, and you've picked up 'nothing' about life and love? This is a sorry state of affairs.... I'm so sorry...... Do NOT marry this gal. Staying single is always better than rushing into failure. Live with her for a year, and you can check her out for yourself. If that's not possible, then DON'T marry her! Stop being a victim of 'tradition' and start being a man of the universe, eh? Good luck, Pal - you're gonna need it........
2007-12-24 18:30:37 · answer #4 · answered by jbloor@att.net 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
PhD?????!!!!?? You may need to study some more. Your questions should have been directed to your family when they made the demand. Wake up. Three weeks will be over soon.
2007-12-24 18:26:56 · answer #5 · answered by the Goddess Angel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing for you to do is to get in touch with her and ask her all these questions because no one knows the answers but her.
Why don't you try to find some one where you are .I sure there are some girls in your area.
2007-12-24 18:30:04 · answer #6 · answered by noona 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you are getting into something you don't understand. do not rush this. insist on more time, then you will have a chance to have more discussions and get the information you want to know. i'm sure she is a nice young lady. good luck to you.
2007-12-24 18:26:54 · answer #7 · answered by itsjustme 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hire a P.I. to do this for you, if you really are concerned! You know a private investigator
2007-12-24 18:27:34 · answer #8 · answered by J C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't you pick up the phone and talk to her and ask your questions?
2007-12-24 18:27:27 · answer #9 · answered by chill.eight 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋