When I argue with my husband, I usually start pointing out his flaws, which can be hurtful.?

Question

How do I learn to fight fair and stay on the issue?

Answer 1

Replace the word "you" with the word "I". Always look within yourself first, before bringing something up to him. Ask yourself questions like, "why does this affect me? or why am I responding like this?" Yes, the other person might be responsible for the pain, but you are the one who choses to either accept or reject that pain. Also, stay in the moment and stay with the issue at hand. Don't bring up baggage from two days ago. The best way to stay focused like that is to take a few minutes and breathe. Don't discuss anything in the heat of the moment. A couple of minutes could save both of you a lot of unnecessary pain. Ask yourself how you've contributed to the problem, forgive yourself, then forgive him. Good luck.:)

Answer 2

Agreeing to take a break when you are 'fighting" so that screaming and yelling doesn't have to be part of it would be a good start.

Agreeing to sit down and try to discuss issues calmly, is always helpful too.

If things get heated, take a break (for 20 minutes, an hour, or whatever). Then try to talk again.

Saying YOU DID is not right... if you learn to start your sentences with "I FEEL" the person at the other end of the argument doesn't feel like you are cramming blame down their throat.

Take care, and i hope you and your husband will also learn to AGREE TO DISAGREE from time to time (because we don't always see things the same way), and to COMPROMISE...

happy holidays

Answer 3

Try taking a short break to collect your thoughts and calm down before talking to your husband. A lot of times, we point out flaws because it just slips out. Before you know it, you've said something really careless and hurtful. Taking the time to think about what you're saying will allow you to control the things you say to your husband.

Good Luck

Answer 4

I know this might sound really corny but if you have beef with something he's doing rather than get caught up in the heat of the moment, sit down and actually think about what you want to say first. Write it down if that helps better, when you catch yourself getting side tracked refer back to your paper and keep going. It helps when you know exactly what you want to say so that you don't start hitting below the belt!

Answer 5

never attack the person or things about them instead stay on the subject of the problem because when u attack the person u hurt their ego and they will be unable to see clearly or respond in the right way. once the ego gets hurt the fight is on and u won't be able to work anything out.

Answer 6

don't argue, then. discuss. if you start getting too emotional about it then just tell him 'nevermind' and bring it up later when you are calmer. eventually you will learn to be able to just stay calm in the first place.

Answer 7

Use 'I think' and 'I feel' sentences and tell him how you feel when he does certain things. For example, if he has a flaring temper, tell him 'I feel horrible when your temper flares, and I think it is causing problems for us. Can we talk about this?'

Don't use 'You' sentences such as 'You make me so sad when you yell at me.' No one can make you anything but you...they can influence your feelings, but they can't -make- you anything.

Try to stay calm and considerate, and no name-calling!

Hope that helps a little.

Answer 8

Just always think before you say something.. I have the same problem. Just don't say anything that you woulden't want him to remember, or want to be brought up again.

Answer 9

stop bring up those things that arent in the arguement from past tence.s it only makes things worse. my opion?