I have a tendency to tell people how I feel regardless of whether or not it hurts their feelings.?

Question

I am very opinionated and have high expectations of people (friends, family). Whenever I feel angry, slighted, or if they do not meet my expectations, I then express to them my feelings, most of the time, in the heat of the moment, which leads to me saying hurtful things. I am then later upset at myself for "laying in to them." How do I stop being so quick to tell people "like it is?" When I hold in what I am thinking and/or feeling, I feel like I am being fake.

Answer 1

You're not being a fake, but you need to learn how to be tactful. Tactful people realize how they would like to be treated and try to treat others the same way.

Also, you need to understand that you can't live other people's lives for them. You have a right to your opinion, but so do the rest of us. Let me ask you this. Can you live up to the standards you set for other people? If so, then you must be perfect. But I doubt that's true. I know it's hard to "chill" when your personality is so strong, but you need to learn to channel your aggression in more healthy ways. Try sports or something that will consume a large amount of your energy. It might help you mellow a bit.

But at least you've identified and admitted the problem. That's the majority of the battle. Now just try to do something about it. Get a mentor to hold you accountable. Or ask a friend to be your accountability partner and give them permission to get in your face about your actions. It might help you learn to control things quickly.

Answer 2

I'm 35 and have been doing this for the last 8 years because I was tired of being walked all over , used , abused and dragged through crap because I couldnt say no.

I find mostly when my female friends get into on line affairs while they are still married I attack them and the men they intertwine themselves with because I dont believe what they are doing is right wether it's my business or not I simply explain how they're only hurting themselves and their spouse's and yeah they hate me for a time but they always come crawling back to me the minute the man ends the affair because he found someone hotter and more obedient.

I am open and honest with family and friends to the point if they upset me they know it and I refuse to appologise for sharing my thought's or emotions over it if they cant handle the truth then to bad.

You want to be fake and lie and get stepped on keep feeling guilty , if you want to live clear conscienced and knowing your doing the right thing by you and by them (even though they wont admit it) , then start practicing keeping your opinions to yourself and wait for the emotional melt down that come's with not being who you are or who you were meant to be.

Answer 3

You have the problem of "Athlete's Mouth" (open mouth - insert foot).

A lot of things piss me off with my family but I know when to keep my mouth shut. Some things are 'just none of my business' and thus I have NO right to speak. And you need to remember, opinions are like @ssholes - everyone has one. Why do you feel that YOUR opinions deserve merit? Why does everyone have to meet YOUR expectations? For some reason you feel superior to everyone else.
My advise is to curb-your-mouth. Keep it shut. Once you say something, you can NEVER take it back. And one of these days you're going to say something that you'll regret and alienate the ones you love most. Why take the risk & will it really be worth it?
Think about it.

Answer 4

Used to stick my foot in the ol' mouth quite often. Found most times it is best to walk away and may even want to leave with a statement that you are leaving before you say the wrong thing. I am in that situation quite a lot now that have grandchildren and the other side of the family comes around quite a bit. I feel I am bigger than them and able to control my emotions and thoughts enough to not allow the moment to rule my future. It is just a learning thing.

Answer 5

It's not a question of being fake, but of being tactful. Put their feelings first and see if that helps; see it as their feelings are more important than you getting stuff off your chest. People aren't perfect, so perhaps you can lower your expectations. I know exactly what you're talking about, because I'm like that too; I realized that I'm never gonna be happy acting like that, plus others around me are going to stop taking it. Besides, if you put things in a better way, people are more likely to listen,a nd that's what you really want, right?

Answer 6

If you were *really* honest, you would fart in front of people, too. You'd say out loud at the ballet, "I have to pee really bad. Plus I've got a turtle head poking out."

In the middle of a movie you would stand up and go, "My period just started and I'm leaking."

In line at the grocery store, you would say, "Move it, lard a$s! Why can't you get your goddamned checkbook out and write the date and the store name *before* they tell you the total, you dumb b*tch?"

But you don't say THOSE things, do you?

So you DO control yourself, filter your comments, or "lie" as you like to call it.

No, your b*tchiness only extends to those you know won't turn around and land a right hook on your arrogant face so hard, you'd wake up in the corner 15 minutes later.

Fear leads to insecurity. Insecurity leads to being a control freak. Control freak leads to "high expectations of those around me." Which is really disrespect of those around you. "I'm just being myself and telling the truth." No - you are letting your fear and selfishness ruin other people with your toxic behavior.

You "lie" all the time for the sake of society - try it with the people who you should be grateful for who still tolerate your bullsh*t ways.

Answer 7

Hi hon.

it's not very healthy to have "expectations" of others.. because everyone is not going to act or respond to situations the same way as you. You are not wrong, and neither are other people. We are all different in our thinking and the way we do things.

I have mental illness issues and i used to give knee-jerk reactions and responses to people all of the time, too. Over the years i learned to count to 10 or 20 in my mind before responding to ANY question, or situation. Counting to yourself quietly in your head, gives you a few seconds to change your reaction or response.

Even if someone asks me a simple question or wants me to say something about just daily life, i take the time to count before i answer.

Giving a more "thoughtful answer" is better than laying into people.

Like i said earlier, you certainly have the right to you opinions and feelings, and so does everyone else... "everyone" is not going to agree with you all of the time.

Count, count count!!! and take care.

Answer 8

You're only hurting those closest to you and if you continue to act this way, the less they will want contact with you and the less they will confide in you. Don't be so quick to judge a certain situation. Try putting yourself in their shoes. Would you like it if someone treated you this way and made you feel like less of a person just because they didn't agree with your opinion? I have a friend who used to do this constantly, and it made me want to share my most intimate thoughts and secrets with her less and less. Good luck with whatever way you decide to go about handling this.

Answer 9

my friend I am so relate to you. I am the exact same way with you. ppl either love me or hate me. I am trying to think before I say, instead of say what I think. You don't need to change, this make you very original my friend. don't be fake

Answer 10

you shouldnt put expetations on your loved ones as you could get hurt when they dont live up to them.
To a certain extent you should speak your mind
I believe it is better to hurt people with the truth than misslead them with a lie