How can I make myself more respectful?

Question

I am 15 years old, and a sophomore in HS.
I don't exactly live the dream life, but whatever. I am one of the most popular girls in my class of 830, and naturally treat everyone below me like crap. I feel like they HAVE TO KNOW that I am more popular than them.
I also love making young children cry, because it makes me feel like I can "make a defference."
I'm a total gossip, and theres nothing better to me than adding unappreciated spice to some innocent girl's life by starting horrendous rumors about her.
My GPA is 1.0, and I couldn't care less.

Last night I was thinking how disrespectful I am, and that I want to apologize to everyone for everything. I know that I won't get anywhere with the level of respect that I have, nor wit the grades I have.
I want to straighten myself up, and become a girl who accepts everyone for who they are. I want to be the girl that goes and sits with the loner at lunch one day, and starts a conversation.
I don't wanna be "me" anymore.
I need advice!

There have been countless days where I just wanted to shoot up my school, and the temptation in irresistable.
I'm also treated abusively by my parents, and it doesnt help.
On July 16th, I attempted suicide but failed. I tried again on Sept. 3rd, but my mom stopped me.
I am slowly losing these thoughts, and hope im going in the right direction.
I just want to be "normal." In facr i dont even want to be popular anymore omg my life just sucks. I'm crying right now i really need help

Answer 1

You need to go to the school counselor, your preacher, favorite teacher or to a friend's mom or dad and tell them how you feel. You need some help and if I am reading this right your parents know how you feel but are not getting you counseling. Please, please PLEASE call someone to help you. A call in radio show or even a suicide hotline will be able to help you.

Answer 2

okay, well im am pretty popular amongst people because i am nice to everybody (or at least im told)

sometimes you have to use the "golden rule" and remeber one time that somebody said something really mean to you or did something hurtful to you, and think of how it affected you... and think of what the other person will go through.

Also try not to judge people by looks, because you never know what they're home life is like and how it may affect their appearance.

My school lives and breathes rumors.. and alot of times that gets you into trouble... because you may find yourself starting or spreading a rumor about somebody who wont tolerate it, reguardless of how popular you are... there might be a fight. Once at my school the like 3rd MOST popular girl got her butt beat by a girl who wasnt tolerating a rumor.. and she got beat baaad. - im sure you dont want that 2 happen

Sometimes you have to just try and push back the mean things. oh and uhm an old saying that makes sense " if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all" thats probably the easiest thing for people to do.

I hope everything works out with this and good luck. =D

Answer 3

1 word: depression. go to counseling. if you don't want to be you any more than try being the person you want to be. try facing your fears of being rejected by your peers. you don't want all that popularity anyway, especially that type. this is the time of life where you only regret the things you don't do. you'll probably have a lot of regret for not trying your hardest, just to give up in life is pitiful. all of the hatred inside of you is a side effect of knowing that you can be someone better and that you have all the resources you need to be that person but you just are giving up.

Answer 4

as the saying goes, knowing what is wrong and what has to be done, is half the battle...maybe you should go chat with maddie, the avatar above me. she seems to be well-rounded, and has a good head on her shoulders. good luck!