somebody please help. im so confused.?

Question

okay..
this is kind of like a blog.. and a question.
i would write it on myspace..
but they dont need to know about my life..yea weird i know..
but anyways...

my mom met some guy over the internet.
i figured he would be like all of the other men.
things would go great and then my mom would find something wrong with them or something would go wrong no- and no matter how stupid it was they would end up breaking up.
sometimes things jus worked out for the best.
Leo.. one of my favorites..
died from cancer maybe two years after they had broken up...
another who i have some respect for [[though not much]] ended having to move.. he moved to like Texas of something with his ex "wife". so he packed up his trailer and motercycle and before i knew it he and his beer belly were gone.
i didnt even get to say goodbye.. i could really care less.
i probably would have told him to have a nice life and kiss my ***.. but thats beside the pointMORE IN DETAILS SOON. PLZ KEEP THIS ? IN MIND

but my mom would cry for days over guys like these.
and i understand that.
she has lost a potential husband, somebody to take care of her.
because obviously i wasnt good enough. but i dont think that she realized it hurt me too.
i had lost a potential step-dad, somebody to complete the family, and i had to see my mom like that. but anyways back to the new guy.. he is actually different. he is nice. they have been dating for about 2 years. and he has been giving hints about getting married. money is not a problem. he is a college professor and owns a nice 2 story house in new orleans... but the thing is... i dont live in new orleans. i live on a small island at the bottom of louisiana.. its seven miles long with one school... 200 kids k-12. its like a big family. and with me being a shy person its like heaven. no big city and the rush. everybody knows everybody and within the 7 years ive lived there ive gotten used to them and i know i can be myself around them. MORE DETAILS.

im happy for my mom... i really am..
but after all of those past relationships she always promised me that if there was ever anybody that she dated that i didnt like or want as a dad.. to tell her. but she wont listen to me. she gives me the "you have to think of what's best for both of us" speech. what's best for both of us? or whats best for her?
i really am happy for her...
and i dont mean to be selfish.. but i dont want to move. especially with my being a shy person. i dont want to leave my "family" i play on my school basketball team. its a small island... the farthest my friends can live is a few streets. i can go walk over whenever i want and not have to worry... new orleans if you've ever been.... isn't like that at all.
yes i know i can't be selfish like this and not want it... but when i try and tell my mom how i feel she tells me that she has been miserable for such a long time... she doesnt realize that all of those things in the past... LAST DETAIL.. SWEAR!

she doesnt realize that all of those things in the past have hurt me too....
shes finally happy...but im miserable..
im happy for her...
but i dont know what to do about me...
i dont want to sound selfish...
but i dont know what to do.
it would be easier if my mom would talk to me about it instead of just blowing me off and saying im just a moody immature teenager..
and i swear when i try to talk to her im not being rude at all.. she just wont hear of me saying anything bad about rick...
i guess this kinda turned out not to be a question... but it felt good to just get it all out....

Answer 1

hi hon... it's frightening to think of moving to a strange town and new place, after you have been accustom to where you are for so long.

those old boyfriends of your mother's leaving were not losses -- they were lucky breaks for her! I'm glad she's not with them anymore.

you have a couple things going for you hon --

If you move to New Orleans, you will meet a lot of new people and have new experiences. Sure, it might be frightening, but on the other hand, try to look at the exciting part. There are many nice people all over the country, including in New Orleans. Give it a chance?

Another good thing is your mom has finally met someone DECENT who isn't an idiot... someone who will treat you and her well, and who will do nice things for both of you.

And New Orleans is a large place, so there is a lot more opportunity.

I just moved over 3,000 miles away from my family. From the midwest to California alone -- no mom, no children, no husband, just me and my dog. It was a little frightening, but there are so many opportunities for me here, and so many new things to see and do.

I can keep in touch with friends back east by email and phone.

And i can make new friends, one day at the time!

I would also like to say if you have anxiety issues, please go to a doctor.. they can help or give a referral to someone who might be able to help you find the sources of your fears. And help you to learn better ways to cope and strategies to feel more confident.

You can also do a search for TEENS DEALING WITH ANXIETY, ANXIETY SELF HELP, ANXIETY HOW TO COPE.

Anxiety isn't fun to live with (i have that, too)... and sometimes we need some help. Help can be a very positive thing!

I'm thinking of you and sending a hug from here.

take care.

Answer 2

Glad you were able to get it all out. What it all boils down to is that you don't want to move to New Orleans. I'm guessing you've visited there since you mention it's not the same as where you live now. You're in your teens and that's the time to have adventures. Before you know it you'll be in your 20s and New Orleans is a great place to party.

You've lived in your current home for 7 years which means you had to have moved there from somewhere. I'm guessing that when you first arrived you didn't know anyone and you had to take some time to adjust. Moving to New Orleans will be the same thing. It's hard to leave what you know.

You're in your comfort zone. I always recommend that people break out of their comfort zone and do something that scares them. That way you open yourself up to new experiences you may never have had otherwise. Unless you have someone in your current town to live with, you don't have much choice but to accept that you're about to start a new life.

You said Rick's been hinting so they're not actually engaged. Take a good look at how you've been approaching your Mom and be honest with yourself. Is there anything that you're saying or doing that would make your Mom say you're just being a moody teen? Try a different approach. You've said repeatedly that you're happy for your Mom. Tell her that. Also tell her exactly what you're feeling. Tell her you're not sure how you'll adjust to a new place. Because that's the real issue based on what you wrote. Ask her if there's any advice she can give you for settling into a new place. By taking that angle she may realize that you're not just being selfish and that you want the best for both of you. Show that you're willing to go along with her plan but make sure she knows you're nervous about it. They may decide it would be best to have a long engagement until you're done with high school. Once you're old enough to leave home and live on your own, you can go back to where you live now. But by then you may be so in love with New Orleans that you won't want to.

Answer 3

Wow, when I read your details about where you live it sounds like a piece of heaven on Earth to me. Obviously that's exactly what it is to you. I wish I could offer you some advice on how you could work things out so you were guaranteed to be able to stay there, I really do.

Plus I don't think you are being selfish about wanting to stay there.

But your mom wants and deserves to have a man to share her life with. As you already know, there are a lot of losers out there, & it's not always easy to find a winner. It sounds a lot like she's found one in this latest guy.

I am sure your mom isn't taking any plans to move to New Orleans lightly, & I am also sure that she is thinking of YOU and your needs too. That includes your future needs as well.

I can see you are feeling some anger toward some of your moms past relationships. This may be colouring your opinions on the current one. You apprehension about a possible move over a man your mom just met, & may end up losing is TOTALLY understandable.
Unfortunately for you it's not your call. I know your mom told you that you would have a say in this sort of thing but ultimately she's the one who has to make the decision and she is the one who is responsible for any resulting consequenses either way.

So you are only along for the ride.
I suggest that you make the most of things, & never forget this little spot of paradise where you are now. If your mom does move you away from there, then you can move back after you are on your own.
It sounds like a great place to raise a family.
Good Luck, & Merry Christmas.

Answer 4

its not your problem its your moms problem. She doesn't like the idea of being alone so you may experience this in and out of love thing for as long as life goes on untill your mom learns to love her self and start trusting in christand just work on herself. On the other hand she may be a confident women but let her live her life and just pray that a real good man will come into her life for good. Learn from her so you won't have the same issue you see her have with men.


Sista girl when a women is "in love" there's not much you can say unless he doing something bad to you then your mom might leave him alone. You can ask us all the questions about your mom but she is going to do what she feels and there's very little you can say or do untill this guy breaks her heart and then she will have a valuable reason to leave him alone. although i pray he doesn't break her heart. Pray and hope that this guy is the one. I hope this guy is respecting you and if he isnt keep telling you mom. TELL YOU MOM EVERYTHING YOU LIKE AND DON'T LIKE ABOUT THIS GUY. TELL YOU MOM IF HE EVER DISRESPECTS YOU whether you think she will leave him or not TELL YOUR MOM EVERY THING.

i am going to pray for you because I feel your pain girl my mom was the same way and she going through it again. All I had was me and if you let people get to you you are messing your self up and there is so much to life so just pray stay focused on school and home work and basketball. Keep getting into things at school and read a book every once in a while talk to friends on the phone dont let her problem become your problem becuase its not. you can learn from her mistakes and vow never ot be like she is. you will make better choices in life and you are going someone where like college and you will be a better person. don't go crazy over her problems because your only setting your self up for failure which can lead to drugs and hating yourself thinking every things you fault when its not. You didn't do anything wrong

Answer 5

"i dont mean to be selfish.. but i dont want to move."

I understand the fact that you have become attached to your surroundings but withing your life you are going to have to be open to change. If this is the only problem you have with Rick, which is his location, I feel that is something that should be compromised. I do feel that your mother should be understanding of the change that has to happen in your life because of her relationship decisions. Your young, I hate to sound cliche' but you WILL find new friends and find things that you will learn to like about the new environment. Finding a mate that you can grow with and will make you happy for what you hope will be the rest of your life is hard to find, and keep. You have a valid reason to be upset but don't allow a resistence to change to keep your mother from progressing in her relationship with Rick and in your own life. In my own experience with moving to another city because of college, the first few months were difficult but I have learned to adapt and open myself up to meeting other people. A move will certainly be catalyst in a growth in your personality don't let change hinder you or your moms relationship. Talk it out with your mom.

Answer 6

My mom met a guy in a bar and married him now he is unemployed and keeps ordering stuff she has to pay for she calls me about 5 times a week to complain about him being an alcoholic. So let your mom live her life her way if she makes mistakes it could always be worse and look at it as a lesson for what you don't want to do in your life.

Answer 7

just be happy for your mom, and if things don't work out for them be there for your mom to lean on for comfort. show your mom you care about her feelings too.

Answer 8

I am confused.

I am not sure what the question was.

Sad tale for your mom.

Answer 9

well;.;