love poem.?

Question

the girl i once meet has gone and come back. there is somthing different, wait let me check. Just as i suspected she thought she did lack. but someone was waiting for her in a coat and a hat. his face was hidden, for there were features he did lack. still all the same she fell for the man in the hat.
he held her close and kept her warm, for they were in for a storm. The rain did fall as she had predicted. The wind and the rain blew and blew. and all that was left was the girl and the man in the hat.

Answer 1

This requires an injection of something currently lacking. Maybe more than one thing. It needs better descriptors, it needs maybe some surreal edge so that it stands out, and I'm not sure what you benefit really by placing yourself/narrator directly in the poem "i", since you add a third character into what is a relatively short space of words.

Answer 2

Yes, it could be much better in verse.
The poem as a whole has a deeper meaning and I think the rain and storm implies some kind of fight once the man in a hat eloped with the speaker's girl.

"The rain did fall as she had predicted."

The girl had warned the man on a hat that the speaker would surely try to seek her and attack them. This might appear a wayward interpretation but if we go by the title of the poem and if the poet wanted to communicate something deep about LOVE, then it is one possible reading. Certainly, the poet is not just describing literally two lovers caught in bad weather.

Correct the tense here:

"The girl I once met has gone . . . "

good luck.
.

Answer 3

This has the story line to support a poem.
If you organize your lines
So they are like this
Even if it is not a poem
Like what I write it looks like it is.
So when you write a poem, it helps to make it look like a poem.
Poems also have a certain rhythm or flow to them, like a song from a dove at dawn.
The girl - describe her in imagery
Has gone-flew away
Returned with a brightly colored bird
These are just some ideas. Keep writing.