How can I get out of this and when is the best time?

Question

I have been with my husband for 11 years. We had our first son when we were 18. We married at 23 and had our 2nd son at 25. Over the years, my husband has been extremely verbally abusive to me. He has violent moodswings. He had never physically abused me, but the verbal abuse is so bad--especially infront of my children. He calls me a tw**, cu**, and a b**ch. Today he decided to throw a big scene. I am tired of being in this relationship. It has mentally and emotionally drained me. I keep going for my kids, but I am so depressed. I am in therapy right now. I cannot financially afford to leave, but I am at the end of my rope. After these tantrums, my husband expects me to forgive and forget and go on like nothing happened. I just can't find it in my heart to do that anymore. I wanted to wait until the children are grown to leave, but each day it gets harder. I want to be happy like all the other happy couples I see. Please help!

Answer 1

Wow - I really feel for you. Let me ask you this, though: You mentioned that you wanted to wait until your kids are grown. Suppose you do that, then the kids grow up thinking that your husband's abusive behavior is acceptable because it's the only example they have seen.

I would contact a women's crisis center. They can help you with your situation. For the sake of your children and yourself, get moving on this sooner rather than later. Eventually, the verbal abuse will grow into physical abuse if you don't . . . .

Answer 2

Honey you need to get out. You want to stay until the kids are grown, why? So they can see their mother get yelled at, called names and put down. Is that really how you want them to think you should be treated or how they are suppose to act in a relationship? Eventually your children are going to treat you with the same disrespect that your husband does. Is that what you want or deserve? Life is way too short to live it in this hell hole. I would leave and not look back even if that meant that I had to go to a shelter.

Answer 3

If he's been doing this for 11 years, he's not going to change. You have to ask yourself if you deserve to be treated with respect, dignity, and love by your mate. If you think you don't deserved to be treated well, stay with him and quit complaining. If you think you do deserve to be treated with the basic respect that all human beings have coming to them, call the Salvation Army, a women's shelter, of a community service center that protects abused families and get yourself over there. Don't worry too much about the money right now. Be concerned about maintaining your integrity as a beautiful human being with a good heart.

Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 4

You will need to make a plan where you can financially take care of yourself & your kids.

It might be a long-term plan.

Make plans to leave .. which will include another place to live, a job, transportation, day-care, food, and all the other regular things.

Find all these answers .. and work out all the things it will take for you to leave him.

Then .. when you have prepared yourself ... leave him.

You don't deserve to be treated this way. He is abusing you. Your kids will be involved in his abusive ways ... and most of the time kids pick up the same abusive habits .. so you will be helping them by getting them out of the abuse.

Answer 5

I agree with "Tom p" and throw in a "Tara" for good measure. Your kids will grow up with no respect for you and treat you as your husband does, in the future your sons will treat thier wives as your husband does, Break the cycle and get out now. You shouldnt stay "for the kids" you are doing them no favours. I grew up with an abusive father, I hate him, I also hate my mum for allowing me to witness all that crap as i was growing up, I no longer have anything to do with them, do you want that for your kids ?? Also once you leave get councilling straight away for your boys, because it wont be long before they take over from where dad left off....with you!

Answer 6

Sweet heart you do not deserve to be treated this way. Please take back control of you and your children's lives by giving this man the scare he deserves. If he know he is in danger of losing you and his kids he will get it together, serve him up some fake divorce papers or let him come home from work and you,your belongings and the kids are gone !!

Answer 7

I wouldn't stay with a man who used abusive language like this longer than it took me to grab the kids and go! You can find a way to afford to leave. I don't see how you think you can afford to stay.

Answer 8

gee,i feel like i wrote your question, my life is exactly the same and i gotta tell you every fight i get closer to ending it. i just don't feel anything anymore its sad really because i used to love him so much but all the abuse made me first hate myself then 7 years in i realized it was him not me now im just looking for my out to. isn't it sad these men had it made.

Answer 9

Dont look for excuse s his never gonna change,and his already knows you wont leave........do it just leave GOD wil show you another way if you want it ....trust me i came out of that hell hole myself ....grow some balls and leave or call the cops and get him out.....you got the victory not him dont give up till his out and ask GOD to grant you peace in your home and he will.......just ask .Dont look for fights any more just get him out of the house remeber you got the right of way...read Palsm 35 every day in the morin and eveing and your life will get better....you can email any time if you want to talk.Those kids dont deserve that type of life syle.....(they really dont )My mom always told me man will come and go ,but your kids are forever.......