basicly the same story just a different day. i need to find the courage just to say the he** with it and go on with my life. i live with an alcholoic and when he drinks he gets soooo nasty and verbaley abusive. tonights serneo was all about my grand son, him saying that he was'nt my grand son, and that my son did'nt have the ba**s to have a son. that he was sick and tired of him coming around and that if i did'nt take the pic of him and santa off my computer web page he would throw it out of the window tomorrow. and that i spent too much on him for christmas. i bought all of his kids and grandchildren something for christmas and its 10 grandchildren and 4 children. i only have 1 son and grandson, the gransons mother is in prison for cdv and i could just go on and on, but whats the point. by the way i had $200.00 stole out of my wallet sometime today, that didnt help. i have cancer and trying to work and my husband is 9 years older than i and he doesnt work. draws ssi, started 1mth ago.
2007-12-24 15:23:58 · 18 answers · asked by sunshine 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh Sunshine. My heart goes out to you. You do not deserve this abuse! Leave the SOB, and enjoy life again. Free yourself. There are shelters for Victims of Domestic Violence, and they can help you get what you need, including counseling. Do this right away. Love should not hurt.
I've been there, and life is better once you make the decision and act upon it. It won't be easy, but it will be better.
Take good care of your self.
Best wishes.
2007-12-24 15:30:15 · answer #1 · answered by Rhonda 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You find the courage by planning. You make a decision that the marriage is over, then list everything you need to do to start the wheels turning, make a schedule of when everything is to be accomplished and stick to it. It is so much better to take the first step than to wait for a blow-up and have to leave in the middle of the night with nothing and no place to go.
You said you are working so look for and rent a place to live. Once you have accomplished that one step you will feel so much better, believe me. Begin to furnish the place, even if it is second hand furniture, use what you can from your own home. You may also want to transfer ownership of an auto to your name, open a charge account or other things.
When you are ready, make an appointment with an attorney, then pack your personal things and leave. File for separation or divorce immediately.
This sounds sneaky, but with an abusive alcoholic it is just easier on your nerves not to have to deal with his ranting. You can choose to tell him with a note, a call or in person, just remember you can't reason with someone when they are drunk so there is really no point in getting into a dicussion.
2007-12-25 00:10:57 · answer #2 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Can you afford to be off on your own? Without his SSI? If so, it's still not an easy decision to make. I have an emotionally abusive wife but I can't begin to fathom leaving as we have 2 small children together and I'm determined to make a good home for them. To say nothing of the fact that it'd be financially devastating. So, if finance and common small children aren't a consideration, it's easy to break away. Just move. And I don't mean to the next town. I'm talking far away. At least 300 miles.
2007-12-24 23:34:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your right, it is the same story, but the day has not changed, it's just repeating itself, over and over again. You will stay, age, become weaker, as he sinks deeper into drink and selfpity, and the days shall repeat themselves, run on and on until they become one big blurr. And this shall continue, until your to sick, until you can't work, until your dragged down to drowned in some dark bottomless pit of depression, while he steals and abuses you . It's not about courage, it's about healing, about survival. Survival of the mind and body, of the spirit and soul, it's about oneness, about bringing it all back together. You have your own enemy and battle, you can not take on his, otherwise you "will" be overwhelmed and out numbered. Retreat now and save yourself. The sooner the better. Get well, for yourself, your son and especially your grandson.
2007-12-25 01:35:37 · answer #4 · answered by ferochira 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You decide that you have the inherent dignity and self-worth that won't allow you to stay in that kind of environment. Until you decide that, you're letting him do all of this to you. Decide that you're life is too short to waste on a person like him.
I know what I'm talking about, I truly loved a woman who was an alchoholic and broke it off just before we got married. I still hurt over it (seven years later), but know that I did the best thing for myself and my family. It's really hard, but you have to do it if you see yourself as deserving a better life.
2007-12-24 23:29:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
for me it was a long seperation. I was in Korea and she was in the states. I felt like a free man who had just been let out of prison. No longer did I need someone elses permission to do things I wanted to do. It was so wonderful.
Then I met a girl who liked me a lot. Not just for the green card but for me. We didn't marry but she gave me some badly needed courage to get out of my sexless marrage.
When I went home on leave I told her we should get a divorce and never looked back.
2007-12-25 09:25:11 · answer #6 · answered by old-softy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sunshine. If you want to leave, ask yourself for the courage. You are the one that is fighting for the battle. It sounds tought but if you think it is the best, go and do it. No regret. I know it is tough 'casuse I am in the process of potential divorce too. Too many issue & too long (but I feel time is not an issue, you just look forward).
2007-12-24 23:41:15 · answer #7 · answered by TT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry. You need to find the inner strength to just leave. Once you do, each day will make you feel stronger. We are not meant to be abused by those types of people.
Good Luck to you!!!
2007-12-24 23:27:16 · answer #8 · answered by naenae42day 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow all i have to say is after rain comes shine you need to just do it plain and simple im not going to lie it will be hard at first but ask yourself do you really want to continue living the way you have if thats living at all i know things are alot easier said then done but trust me youll be alot happier.as for courage everyday that pass that you continue to do nothing ask yourself is this what i want the choice is yours and if you decide to do nothing you have no one to blame but yourself. good luck
2007-12-24 23:38:45 · answer #9 · answered by monieluv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are living a life of misery. And he is abusing you.
Make yourself a plan .. then leave .. and don't ever look back.
Don't worry about saying 'no' ... you have enough to contend with than his stuff .. so be true to yourself .. and let his abuse stay with him.
Your choice is to live in it with him .. or leave .. he will not likely ever change. He is abusing you.
2007-12-24 23:38:42 · answer #10 · answered by Tara 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋