How negative of a behavior would it be if someone uses an unhealthy solution to get what he/she wants?

Question

It's kinda odd but I just realized that I cannot react well when I don't get my way because of someone else's doing. This is something that hasn't crossed my mind in the past because usually I tend to be quite tolerant and often allow others to have what they want. Sometimes I might even give in to demands without making too much of a fuss about it which is mainly because I experience difficulty saying no to people (not always though because everyone has their limits). Usually I have trouble dealing with people who are overly demanding. Now I'm realizing that I really might not be as accepting to losing as I thought I have been. Allowing victory to others doesn't always affect the way I view myself therefore it's not damaging to me but instead it's done to boost the ego of that person and as a way to satisfy him/her. However I don't think I can sacrifice something that makes me happy in order for someone else to get his/her way unless of course I would gain satisfaction from it.
There's one thing that would truly agitate me and that's when people make promises saying that they'll do something if you are willing to make a sacrifice but than end up deceiving you and not keeping their word. When there's a turn of events and I don't get what I want I become extremely annoyed. It's an irritating feeling and it feels like you're slowly burning inside and desperately needing to vent out your frustration. My response is to sulk, mope, and childishly demand having my way. Well I demand it but not in a direct manner and not exactly by making everything clear. I guess I kinda expect people to read my mind but than again I give many clues. It's just very difficult for me to be blunt with what I'm trying to say but at the same time I want to get my point across so I do it by torturing the daylights out of the person who upset me. This can be considered childishly annoying but I cant really control it (I don't always regret it either because people often do a good job at provoking you). Calming down is not easy if that person is not willing to talk things out with you. Surprisingly I cool down quickly if someone bothered to show some patience. I mean I cant help it that I feel hurt.

Is it really wrong to handle things in such a way?

Actually I'm sorry but I disagree. I wouldnt put all the blame on the person who uses passive aggression. Of course I have some regrets but there are reasons that cause people to act in such a way. I can be very tolerant but that's only when the person deserves it. If someone carelessly throws away something that you desire and that makes you happy than think about how the person receiving the action is affected. The way I would see it is that this individual only thinks about what he/she wants and your happiness holds no value to him/her. This enters the issue of that person not caring about you. Of course if I feel that I am being attacked and he/she doesnt care about what I want(carelessly ignores my feelings and the fact that I might be hurt) than it would cause me to feel very much at pain. Feelings of irritation also arise and it's uncontrollable so there's a need to vent out this frustration. Of course it doesnt have to be this way.Remember that both sides have to be reasonable.

People dont seem to understand that showing some compassion and patience can make the other person feel very much at ease. That's why good conversation skills are necessary. My goodness if only I was shown some kindness and assured that this individual cares about my feelings than certainly I can be very understanding. Even if I dont get my way I wouldnt be making such a fuss about it if someone showed less arrogance and stopped being so demanding but instead handled things with care. I would not insist on having my way if the other person bothers to provide me with some proper reassurance and ensure me that the action was not done as an attempt to injure my feelings. However if this always happens nonstop than words and promises wouldnt mean much. Hopefully that doesnt become the case.

Well I'm sorry that a lot of guys would walk out of a relationship because of this reason alone but that doesnt concern me because I stand by my opinion.

Should this really be seen as such a problem?

Arent there proper ways to handle the problem without making too big of a deal out of it?

Answer 1

You really are a cancer, they have a tendency to over complicate things.
What "I think", you are talking about is just normal interpersonal relationships. no biggie just scrach my back and I will scrach yours. No need to analize it, it is normal human behavior.
I would think how ever you were loved as a child, and maybe given most everything you wanted. Spoiled, but I really don't like that term.
Anyway wish you a Merry Christmas, and the best New Year ever. Sincerely.

Answer 2

Sure you can control it. Passive aggression happens if you're not clear at the outset what you want (either to the other person or to yourself). The way to help with that is to learn to establish limits on what you will do, and certainly where someone asks you to do something that conflicts with plans or needs you have already set for yourself.

I would start by doing at least three things per week that are just totally about you. Involve nobody else, just go and do them. It could be simple, just like going to the movies, or buying yourself dinner or going on a shopping trip. Learn what you like, what you want, and what you need (those are three different things). Once you recognize your own needs, you will find ways to make sure they are met without having to get passive aggressive about it.

For a lot of guys, btw, myself included, passive aggression is one sure way to end a relationship.

Answer 3

It's a sign of three things:

1. Igonorance - you don't yet have the experience to realize some basic facts about people and about material objects

a) people are eternal beings of great worth but they will let you down because they are only human like you

b) Material objects are "temporal" they exist only for a time and they usually degrade over time and unlike people who are unique, objects can usually be replaced and even if you are talking about a one-of-a-kind painting, they really are not as important as we sometimes make them.

2. Since this is the case, it isn't wise to put too much importance on objects or too much trust/dependence upon people. When you do that you set your self up for an inner trial.

3. You should consider Jesus and get an eternal perspective on your life so that the small things along the way don't get magnified beyond their own significance.

Philippians 2:1 So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.

3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.

8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Learn more about the last point @ http://web.express56.com/~bromar/ via the Free Stuff, Answers, & My Pastor buttons.

Answer 4

a typical cancer!!!!!!!!!!! except the "winning" part. Most cancers will sacafice them selves for others. I do, I dont always like it but i get satisfaction from them being happy. I depend on my self to make me happy. I have learned not to expect "others" to make me happy cos must people don't have a clue as to how to make me happy. your behavior is as a cancer is. i think that if you know someone who trully understands you on a deep level, this would not happen as much.

Mark.

I just read you additional comments. Dont let the negative comments get to you. As sensitive as you are, you have to leanr to thicken you skin. I know its hard to do. But these people answering your questions are just everyday people with their "oun" opinions". Some people just like to argue and will refute you just to start and arguemnt!. becareful Val. There are a lot of messed up peopel out there.

Mark

Answer 5

I do this. It probably is wrong, but oh well, it's who I am. I am a ppl pleaser, but also, I act like a kid to get my way, and I am somewhat selfish and wanna be spoiled. I think it's an attention and love craving issue. Sorry to hear you have it too.