I asked him if I could go see my childhood friend, and he is just a friend, and a very good one, just to say hello and say Merry Christmas to his parents too. I have known my friend for 28 years. Because he is a guy, he said "Go ahead, I will go see my ex-wife". I was not only dumbfounded, but a bit hurt. I wanted to surprise my friend, who is spending Christmas Eve with mom & dad and nobody else. What would you folks have done? I told him to go ahead and see his ex, I could care less if he re-kindled an old flame with her. It is Christmas Eve and it is supposed to be joyous, and he totally ruined it for me, not to mention, my surprise to my friend. Please no ridicule, it's Christmas.
2007-12-24 12:50:06 · 27 answers · asked by maddiekaykay 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I did not want him to come, because I was only going to spend a few minutes there then go to my sisters, she lives only a 1/2 mile away to wrap my husbands gifts, I wanted to surprise him too. Sorry, I should have added more detail.
2007-12-24 12:56:47 · update #1
I don't mean any ridicule but when you write "I could care less if he re-kindled an old flame with her" it sounds like you already may have problems.
Talk to him and invite him to come with you to meet your friend as it sounds like a trust issue and he may be feeling jealous and by inviting him it shows him he has nothing to fear, Or did he have plans for the both of you for the holiday that are going to be interrupted by going over to the friends?
Good luck.
2007-12-24 12:56:24 · answer #1 · answered by A Messi No More 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds as if your husband was being childish, and you responded in kind. Maybe you didn't phrase it quite right when you told him you were visiting an old guy friend. Sometimes it is all about how you say something. I am not saying you should have lied, but you could have just said you were going to your sisters to get his gifts and on your way if you had time you planned to stop by the "Smiths" to visit them and their son who was visiting from out of town.
You know your husband better than anyone else, so if he is the jealous type there are better ways of handling things.
2007-12-24 21:34:41 · answer #2 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, by childhood friend, do u mean teenage fling? that would be wrong. Second, why did u ask your husband if u could go? Third, why didn't u just tell ur husband to wait in the living room or wherever so u could wrap his gift? You are suspect. Don't have any doubt: there is something wrong with you marriage. Forget Christmas. More important things are afoot. DO YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO BE BRUTALLY HONEST WITH YOURSELF? So go to your husband and tell him. Also, if it hurt u to the core that he said he'd see his x, u must tell him that!. If u go to him with hate (anger is good, hate is murderous), ur killing both of you. Do u have any brutally honest girlfriends to talk to (ones that don't just console u). If not you're just a baby. When u talk to him, do not threaten divorce. Never do that when when things are fresh. I know your scared now, but u are not alone,
sincerely, your concerned friend, Tom
2007-12-25 08:59:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry that your husband ruined your plans to surprise your old friend. His rejoinder that he would visit his ex-wife in retaliation for your visit was inappropriate and unfair since your friendhip is untainted by past sexual intimacy. It sounds like the two of you should find the time to talk about whether and why you might be drifting apart. If your Christmas can't be filled with joy, then better to fill it with some honest reflection.
2007-12-24 21:06:21 · answer #4 · answered by TK 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to ask your husband to join you. Let him know that you are going to your sisters afterwards, and just tell him that he may or may not want to go because you will be wrapping gifts for him. Regardless, it doesn't hurt anything if he comes with you. You can just wrap the gifts in another room.
Has he ever had problems with this guy before? If your friend is such a good friend, I would imagine that you talk to him quite often, so why would your husband just now suddenly be having problems with it? Anyway, I would just be honest and ask him to go along. Good Luck!!
2007-12-24 21:05:40 · answer #5 · answered by iloveeeyore 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean that the Jokers get a pass!!! You should do what you want go see your old friend and let you partner re-kindle his love for his ex-wife!!! That way you will all have a Merry Christmas!!!! Ha-Ha!!!
2007-12-24 20:55:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband just got a little jealous he probably not used to you going out or going to see any friends. Just ask him if he would like to come with you to see the old friend of yours it might have been better. Don't be to hurt tell him how you feel in a calm way. This is just a conversation you need to have. But for his Ex let him go and ask him did he have fun later. Have a great holiday
2007-12-24 20:56:45 · answer #7 · answered by special 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No ridicule? You're asking if we agree with you. I think not. You just aren't seeing this from any perspective but your own. Think about it for a minute. Would it be okay for him to look up an old girlfriend just to say Merry Christmas? Just because it's Christmas eve doesn't make things right that aren't any other time.
2007-12-24 20:56:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He didn't make the mistake, you did ! You should have invited him to come along to see your friend and explained your friendship to him, by excluding him from it, you painted a world of suspicion all around you, and insulted his ego, he is your husband and you should introduce him to your friends as such, he may not like your friends, but he wont feel like you are ashamed, or embarrassed by him either, what he said to you was out of sheer spite, reaction, and nothing more, I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you any more than you meant to hurt him, remember, and I say this to both of you, count to ten before you speak, because you cant take it back once it has been said!
2007-12-24 21:34:25 · answer #9 · answered by ranger ron 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See, and this is why marriage is RIDICULOUS!!
The only answer is that you should have asked him to go, because he is your husband and you want him to know he can trust you... even if it were for a few mins. Bottom line.
Now, my personal opinion answer is this... you shouldn't have to ask! He should trust you until he doesn't... NOW, because of all this, Christmas is ruined and mean things have been said.
I think you should approach him and apologize. (To keep the peace...) Explain to him that you should have asked him to go with you and not just assumed that it was reasonable for him to just trust... Smooth things over. You don't want a rift in your realationship over something as silly as this....
2007-12-24 21:51:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋