Little or no sex marriage?

Question

I have a wonderful husband who adores us (me and our children) He is the sort of man every woman would want to spend the rest of her life with. Our problem is that we hardly ever have sex (married 5 yrs 2 children) i tried talking to him about it but he doesnt change 3 days i had this huge blowout ..... but not even a hug, is this normal ?wat is normal ie how many times a wk ? wat shld i do? is it my fault? pls help b4 i do something we both regret and when we do have sex its not mind blowing he comes i dont!

Answer 1

He is holdoing something in, a resentment of some kind! Ask him why he is this way and tell him to be brutally honest!

Answer 2

Start at a doctors, and make sure he doesn't have anything like diabetes, or high blood pressure or heart disease. Assuming everythings OK, you have to look at things like personal problems, IE: is something ongoing distracting him from your relationship? Or possibly you two never developed a sexual relationship in the first place that is fulfilling to both of you. He may really not have any clue HOW to please you. I'm sure he knows your frustrated, but he may not really know what to do about it! You don't mention anything, but he could have had an upbringing, or he has religious beliefs that make it impossible for him to know how to satisfy you. Or he may believe the nonsense that a woman doesn't really enjoy sex "like a man does." I'd say get to that doctor, and verify his health is OK. Then somehow find a way to focus his attention on you and this problem, and come to a solution. Get a book, or find a counselor, or do SOMETHING that the two of you can do together to enhance your sex life. Assure him of one thing, and that is the better it is for you, the better it will be for him too. Get him to agree to let you take him to bed, and let you SHOW him how to please you. Send the kids to grandmas, and spend a day showing him how you want to be touched. Show him what rocks your boat. Show him where and how, and how much, and when. You probably won't succeed with just one session. You'll have to do this several times until he gets it right. But when it comes to sex, who cares how much practicing you have to do? I will say one other thing, and that is until you remove the cloud over your heads from the "blowout", he's not likely to want to discuss the matter much more. You'll probably have to start by clearing the air, maybe even with an apology,(weather you feel at fault or not), and then letting the dust settle before you can go on. You'll have to find a way to broach the subject again in a non threatening way, that supports his ego, and doesn't threaten his manhood. Remember this too when your in bed with him showing him what to do.
Good luck.

Answer 3

You've had children, and often men will drift away sexually as they begin to see you as the mother of their children -- not the sexy woman they were physically passionate about. This is a critical time, I think.

First, do you think of yourself as sexy? What can you do to be or feel more sexy? Do it. Check with your husband along the way. Wear sexy outfits -- see if he likes them. (Don't expect him to jump you, just find out what he likes you in.) Also, don't think exclusively of lingerie. Maybe he likes you in a particular set of jeans, or a particular blouse. Or maybe he likes you in a skirt, or shorts. He's right there, see what grabs his eyes, ask him what works for him.

Second, create time for a sexual life that you and your husband share. Create time when you can be alone -- but don't make it about sex in advance or all the time-- just make it comfortable and make sex possible. Don't expect sex. Break out the sexy outfits he likes when you have these times Go see R-rated movies together alone together -- talk about the sex scenes or the naked women in them afterwards. Make him aware you can share sexual thoughts he has.

Third, he may have a lot of pressure to be responsible and take care of the family. He now has to work to pay for the kids, the house, etc. Don't add to his list of responsibilities that he also needs to bring you to orgasm. I know, it shouldn't be a chore for him. He should want to do it. Act satisfied with any sexual contact, even one where he gets his orgasm, but you don't.

Also, be willing to engage your husband in his fantasy life. Be aware that his image of you may have changed, and as a result his sexual interest may be just in limbo. I'm pretty sure he still has an inner sexual life. Be willing to talk to him about it without looking upon it something that is stealing his sexual interest away. Maybe he's looking at erotic movies or pictures. Be encouraged he's still a horny guy -- and don't turn it into, "He's looking at this and won't touch me!" Find out why he's thinking or looking at what he is looking at. Be willing to be his sexual partner in his fantasy life -- don't he the gestapo of his private fantasy life.

Lastly, don't be down on yourself. Do what you need to do to be happy and have a good time. Don't focus on the bad stuff -- redirect your energy to connect your husband on something other than sex or the children. Rekindle your friendship. Build up the intimacy. See what troubles him, and be a partner in overcoming those troubles.

Answer 4

Sounds to me that he is hiding or holding something inside that he is asshamed of or scared of you finding out about. Did this start all at one time or was it over a period of months or even years? You might need to get counceling in order to save your marriage. maybe he's scared of you getting pregnate again. Does he want more children or is the 2 you have enough? Have you discussed this? Is he happy in his life? Is there anything you could do to help improve his life? If you would like someone to write to and discuss some of this you can write to me. My name is Mike and my email address is [e-mail] Hope this little bit of info helped.

Answer 5

i hear your frustration... i don't think its normal not to have any physical contact with your spouse. it gets lonely, i know ... Even when you do have sex... he not giving you what you need which makes it even more frustrating... I'd make an appointment with a doc and make him go... tell him something is wrong with you and you need him to go with you... something really is wrong with you... talk to the doc... cud be a hormonal thing with him... im not a medical person but there may be a medical reason... if not that's a different ballgame.. just don't give up on him and your marriage yet...especially with kids.... he needs to know there are many ways to satisfy you and he needs to learn them...this may take time but if it works out then its worth the effort... good luck to the both of you...

Answer 6

Many times when someone does not want to have sex with their beau it is from stress. The problem is where the stress comes from. It could be work, from self-assessment, from miscommunication, or maybe from physiological issues.

The best thing to do is to try to communicate without pressure.

My wife is about 5 years younger than me and she is going through menopause. It kills me that she has such a lack of interest in sex but I love her with all my heart so I am willing to be patient and give her all the things she needs to fell good about herself and find all the things she needs to be to find happiness.

Its not easy but I have faith it will be worth it.

Answer 7

No, it's NOT normal. A healthy, mature, satisfying marriage involves intimacy of many kinds, including sexual.

He needs some help, but if he's not willing to get some, are you willing to live this way the rest of your life?

Answer 8

Have him see his doctor. Many conditions can cause loss of libido... high blood pressure, diabetes, hormone imbalance, to name a few. All can be treated easily and libido will return. God luck