How can I stop feeling so inferior to people of my own age who have achieved more than me?

Question

I am 23 and had attended uni for 4 years pursueing a degree and failing. I am a bright young man who did well at school and know that I have a lot of potential. However I can't help but feel inferior to others my age who have well paying jobs, flats, degree's etc. I am shunning my friends efforts to contact me because I dread having to tell them of how little I have done since I left school. I have read endless self help books but I still feel empty. I don't know what to do with my life and struggle to make decisions or feel strongly about anything. How can I explode from the starting blocks and start making something of my life?

Answer 1

"life aint a track meet, its a marathon"


cheers!

Answer 2

Know the feeling - everyone around you seems to be doing brilliantly, going to uni, getting nice jobs etc. and you're stuck in the rut.

Best idea is don't compare yourself against them. There's this bizare idea around usually created by schools that the only way you can succeed in life is do well in school, go to uni and get some high paid job. Erm...anyone heard of Bill Gates or many, many other successful people all of whom didn't finish uni?

Forget the myth - uni isn't the be all and end all of your life, it's simply one option and to be honest not a very good one these days as too many people go. Go get some work experience and work your way through the ranks - that way you'll actually know what you're doing and not just do what a uni professor told you to do.

In my case - I didn't get it right until I was about 25 and then it took to about 30 for the money to come, but it's worth the wait. Oh and this way, you're a lot more likely to be happy!

Answer 3

OK you might think this Hun , but you have done more then most People your age. And by the way we all feel like this. I have A friend , and it seems like everything she has is better and she gets things so much easier then me , and her Home she just built is huge. And I try to Be happy for her , but yet I still feel just A little jealous. so just hang in there it will happen to you too. And the funny thing is when it dose your friends will still be where they are and you ll be getting all kinds of new opportunities coming about and they will be in your shoes wondering why they can't be where you are. SO good luck and hang in there you sound like A great person and A great friend. Don't let that get you down its not worth it. we all want what others want , and that's the same for you. I wish I had what you have.

Answer 4

This is SUCH a common problem for people your age. I'm 28 and feel like I'm in "limbo" trying to find my calling every now and then. All you can do is think hard of what YOU love doing. Money, flats, degrees, isn't going to cut it if it's not what you're passionate about.

I thought that was what I was passionate about, but turns out it's not. I've had accomplishments in my life (house, money, business, dual-degree, post-graduate work) but in the end, I have only felt complete/accomplished when I complete a race (triathlon, 10k, 1/2 marathon). It's weird, but that's just what it is for me. For some people, it's children. For others, it's charity work.

"Making" something of yourself shouldn't be money oriented, so that's the first step. Find something you're passionate about and that is what is going to make you feel good and "f" the superficial stuff. That's not what makes a person, it's feeling good about themselves.

Answer 5

First of all, don't feel bad about yourself. It becomes a viscious cycle, and the more you think about how bad you feel, the worse you feel, and the less chances of doing something productive.

Stop comparing yourself to others. Compare only to yourself. Set goals and do something EVERYDAY to help you achieve that goal.

The more ambitious the goal, the more time it'll take you to acomplish it. Just remeber to be patient and hard-working.

You say you failed getting your degree after four years of studying. Why was it? Was it not the thing ou wanted to do for the rest of your life? Was it boring, difficult?

Ask yourself that, you need to realize that to close that circle. If it wasn't for you, it's much beter that you realised now than in ten years, if it was difficult, you can find how to make up for it.

Don't panic. I bet there were things when you were 6 yo. that worried you or scared you and seem like small things now. Try to llok at it that way think about how your 40 yo. self woulf think about what you're feeling now.

This is a good opportunity for you to explore and find what you want. Probably your friends with their carrers and apartments are less free than you are to try something new, change your place of residency, decide they don't like what they're doing.

I know it sounds like a cliche but you've got so little to loose and so much to win.

If you don't know where to start, make a list of your obligations (things that have to be done and there's no way out), and thing you like (either interests or things you'd like to have. You can get ideas from TV, movies, the internet, magazines... Then find a way of integrating how the thing you like will get you the things you want.

About feeling embarrassed among your friends. Don't feel that. It's about how you see the glass. Insted of feeling inferior or presenting your self that way, you should thing of yourself as the free man, the one strong enough for taking a brake to decide what to do with his life. If you do care about them you'll suffer more from ostracysing. More over, people love to talk about them self, so if you don't want to take about you're self, just let them do the talking, ask truly interested questions
and they'll remeber you as a good listener.

If you start devoting your time to your interests, it doesn't matter if you have a car or an apartment right now. If you are doing things that are interesting to you, and that you like. It doesn't matter if it's for free or you've found a way to make money out of it. You'll be the one that want to be like. The want who knows how to put material confort on hold to pursue his deam.

Answer 6

Knowing one's potential, stated by oneself, is utter BS, and you know it. You are lazy and just trying to find a way to avoid letting those who have done something with their lives know it. Not only is this immature, it degrades the true work they have doen to get where they are. You feel empty because you have nothing to feel full about. Buddha himself could not put it any clearer.

My assumption is that "seeing" something throuhg is something you feel you have done but in reality you have not. True acheivement takes work. You are not very bright if you have not finished it. Being smart is finishing a degree by 22 because it looks good to society. Sounds superficial? That may be so but if you didn't care about that you wouldn't be asking this queation. Get real and get with the program, or else another 10 years will go by and you will be asking the same thing. This is my gift to you. Use this New Year to get on track and to make up for the 2 years you have pissed away already.

Happy Holidays!

Answer 7

You are not the only one of your friends who has not done what they thought they would do by now. 23 is still young. I think you are beating yourself up for nothing. Quit worrying and start living. Self help books are not the answer. Maybe you need to see a doctor to see if you need some medical help. You might be depressed or you might need a change of scenery. Do not beat yourself up as 23 for not being where you thought you would be.

Answer 8

Your problem is your too busy focusing on being number one, and not steadily working towards it

The race is not over at 23, or 43, 63, its a life long race to collect honors and toys, so you can put others down with your success.

Lighten up, live the life you have
Someone will always be better than you, and worse

Answer 9

Remember there are always people who have less than you.
Volunteer your time serving the poor and the needy, and you will better understand the good things you have.
Then you won't feel so bad about others having a little more of this or that than you do.

Answer 10

Suck it up dude. Someone is always going to be richer, thinner and better looking than you. Plus, don't forget about those annoying, incompetent trust fund kids that get the company and the millions just by being born. You make your own way in life.

Answer 11

Please do not ever try to compare yourself to others. Look at all the things you have done. First of all you completed university, there are so many others who have not even done that. So please cheer up!! Everyone is lacking something in their lives, just be grateful with what you have. Be positive and eventually things would go your way soon enough.