Should I Try To Get Full Custody?

Question

Hi again everyone. I will try not to make this too long but here is my situation. As usual I REALLY appreciate any and all help from you guys and ladies...so thanks and Merry Xmas!

Alright, to start out...my (future ex) wife and I got married last year when we found out the amazing news that we were having a baby. We were young and in love and wanted to marry anyways but this helped our choice.

So we got married, things weren't so great after awhile...we would argue, fight, be bitter, etc. I'm not saying I'm perfect and neither was she. Also in my opinion we are both GREAT parents. I love my little girl more than anything in the world. I would do anything for her, even fight fire and brimstone.

So my friend from Texas comes to visit us for xmas, I had a work vacation but it ran out and had to return. I came home one day to see them in bed together (the 20th of this month). Then found out it had been happening for 48 hours. My wife still fights and everything.

I didn't know what would go down here with the situation so when I got back home from work (I caught them on a break) I asked him to leave and naturally she told me no he had no where to go and cared about him more than my well being. I didn't know what would happen so I left with our baby (16 months) and took her to my parents.

My ex currently has no job, car, license, place to live (other than her mom's living room which would be a couch), or anything. She never got her license when she was 16, also hasnt worked since baby was born. She is EXTREMELY lazy...games all day, never helps clean, etc. Also she wants to stick with this guy which I think would be a bad lifestyle for my baby...plus I dont want him to have any influence on her...he doesnt deserve to. I have all the above mentioned things, and held the same job 4 years now. She claims I couldn't win the baby, but with her infedelity, non trusting ways, and instability I think I could. Should I try to do this? Thanks again!

Answer 1

If you are both good parents, it seems unlikely that a judge would take your little girl away from your wife. It's unfair I know but it's also unfair that this type of thing happens and it's unfair that 2 people who were so in love are getting divorced.
For the judge to take custody away from your wife you would need to prove she wasn't a fit parent. Now in an ideal world, if she was a fit parent she would have stayed true to her daughter's father but this world is less than ideal. Unless she is abusive or neglectful then I don't see that you will win custody. You can try but don't get your hopes up. My husband's ex tried to overdose their daughter and he still had to fight for custody of the little girl over 13 months! The courts weigh a lot into consideration.

I'm sorry that your wife did this to you. Even worse that she did it at this time of the year. Is there no way that this can be worked out? You said that neither of you were perfect... is there a chance. Yes you were young but you were in love. Perhaps she doesn't want to make it work or perhaps her cheating once was one time to many for you to take. Is there any possibility that you could get marriage counseling so you can raise your little girl together under the same roof? Whatever has happened, please try to remain civil with one another. It can be so hard when you feel so betrayed but honestly for the sake of your daughter you owe it to her to try. If you can remain civil then visitation should be fairly easy. I am still great friends with my ex husband who was less than great to me and I managed to get over what he did in order for our kids to have a stable environment. The have every weekend with their dad and all of the school breaks. My ex husband and I chat a number of times through the week and the kids know there is no animosity and are comfortable.

Whatever your decision, I hope you can move on from this and enjoy a happy life. If you decide to go for custody, I hope that you both can come to an amicable agreement about visitation for either party when the court makes their decision.
I wish you peace of heart and mind and I hope you kicked your friend from Texas in the butt for his betrayal too!

Answer 2

Her error in judgement on the part of your relationship does not necessarily mean she is a bad parent. It's all about what is in the best interests of the child. Leave your wife? That's your call. Ditch the friend like a bad habit? Absolutely...that's no friend. As far as the child is concerned, it doesn't seem like you exactly have grounds to seek full custody. If she is abusive or neglectful towards your daughter, then absolutely seek custody, but that's a long road to travel down and can get quite pricey. If your motives are for revenge or retribution, then you are wanting it for the wrong reasons.

Answer 3

Number one I DOUBT this guy STOCKED you...maybe he STALKED you but Not STOCKED you try using spell checker once in awhile your story might be more tangible. Anyway...YOU won't be doing any fighting in court because YOU are not related to the child. YOU are not a biological parent of this child. Only the MOTHER will be fighting in court. He may not get joint custody but he WILL be awarded visitation rights and YOU have nothing to say about that. The court will not determine custody/visitation based upon what the mother and her boyfriend WANT they base it upon what is best for the children and the children deserve visitation with their father and neither you nor their mother has the right to keep him from lawful visitations. As for custody that is normal...of course he will have to pay custody...

Answer 4

Don't listen to Colleen, you can't be charged with kidnapping since there is no custody order in place. While you probably have grounds for physical custody (legal custody will most likely be joint), I wonder about your motives. Very early in your post you stated that you are"both GREAT parents." If that is the case, why would you try to get full custody? I understand that you are angry and hurt, but your wife didn't cheat on your daughter, she cheated on you. Your daughter deserves to have a full and equal relationship with both of her parents and the only way to do that is if she sees you both equally. Please do not use your daughter to punish your ex. If you go for full custody make sure you do it for the right reasons and not because you're angry at your wife for breaking her vows.

Answer 5

Slim chance? NOT...because SHE has NO JOB, NO HOME, ETC...it could work. You need to do what is best for your child and even if doesnt work the first time, then keep trying until it does. You dont have prove shes an unfit mother because shes not, she's just thinking about a nut. I commend you for taking responsiblity and wanting a good environment for your daughter. Dads can do what moms do...I will be praying for you and your daughter. Good Luck.

Answer 6

The truth is unless she can provide these things she aint got a chance of getting the child for more than a weekend. Get you a good lawyer a tape recorder and a video camera. Your in for war trust me. Her kind is only fake and doesnt want the responsibiliy just people to feel sorry for her (attention) I am a woman and I'm telling you unless she gets her stuff together dont go lightly. Good luck.

Answer 7

I would definitely try, I would fight her for this no matter what. She is not thinking of anyone but herself and your daughter needs someone who is thinking of her needs, not their own needs.

Get a lawyer and see what you can do. First off you need to get some type of ex parte orders so you have custody of your child until you get into court to fight this out.

Answer 8

Infedility is not grounds for divorce, and since the baby IS a baby the mother will more than likely maintain custody, you'll get visitation. If your wife would have been smart she COULD have also pressed kidnapping charges against you since YOU left with the baby...you might start hoping now that she doesn't get a lawyer who does just that, you could wind up at best with supervised visitations.

Answer 9

Go for it what do you have to lose. If you don't try you wont ever know... but before you go into court to get custody of the child you need to know that you may have to prove her unfit so have proof before you go into court that she is unfit. Proof that the court can see, or ppl who are willing to say that she is ... I'm sorry this has happened to you cheating hurts so much... good luck .. take care

Answer 10

Do you want full custody because you think she is a bad mother or do you want to punish her? You're angry and that's understandable, but she still is her mother...kids need both parents in their lives. So, I think you need to sort out your motivation first...and keep remembering just how much you love your daughter...do what's best for her.