ever since my wife and i have been together, she has treated her like dirt. she doesnt accept her and always has something negative to say about her. my wife has never done anything wrong to me or to her. the rest of my family loves her, but she has a big problem with her.
2007-12-24 07:18:05 · 13 answers · asked by sugars peanut 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I read your other questions and it is because you somehow feel that you are better than the average person. You have a white woman, watch porn, are abusive and are in the marines, yet she treats you like a KING!
I would say you are the problem..not you mother
Love your mother
2007-12-24 07:42:23 · answer #1 · answered by Queen ME 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Some moms get jealous (in a weird way) because the wife is now the main woman in her sons life...and they feel as though they are left out. If you love your wife and she hasn't done anything wrong to you or anyone in the family, then just tell your mom to get over it because her anger towards your wife will not going to change anything between you two.
Just tell her that you still love her and she IS your mom. She's your ONLY mom and make an effort to include her...maybe she just feels left out or jealous. Ask her?
2007-12-24 15:52:21 · answer #2 · answered by Blondee 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not until you stand up to your mom will she get a clue. Let your mom know just that.."your wife has done nothing wrong to either of you" and you love her and you love your mom.. but the bible (if you believe in it)..states..a man should leave his parents and cleave to his wife..so now that you are married ...your wife is your priority and if your mom cannot hold back her hurtful slayings about her you will have to leave your mom alone...and believe me standing up for your wife like that..will make her have soooooooooooooooooo much respect for you..and your mom will be proud of you as well for being a MAN..Good luck your family in my prayers
2007-12-24 15:24:49 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Moms never realize they have to share their sons. My mom got my granny alone and told her in no certain terms that she would never see her son again if she ever dared to think that mom would allow her and her son to get together again without her permission. My granny was in tears.
It was a very ugly thing.
When my son married, they came to live with me for a time but my daughter in law was so unhappy that she screamed at me one day. I was so sorry that we had caused her such distress that I made my son go out and get a home for her. She would not speak to me for months but I insisted everyday she was my beloved.
I wanted my son to have someone to love. I did. I wanted my son to have a family. I did. I could not do this for him so it was very important that she feel safe and secure with him even if I had to go away.
So you need to set your mom down right now and tell her how it's gonna be. She will be called only 'beloved'. (your wife) She will never again say anything that isn't sickly sweet about your wife and the soon to be mother of your children.
You will have to leave your mother alone forever if she doesn't understand this.
I make my son say, 'yes, dear' to everything his wife says. I called her, 'going to be chief.' and taught her lovingly how to be. She is now first chief and he is big chief and I am retired.... ha ha ha. We have wonderful times together now but we had ..... HAD to turn it around.
My son wanted a functional family instead of a disfunctional one. Keep the wife happy. Your loyalty and vows are hers. Give her the power (your wife). Always say yes dear to your wife and bye to your mom.
My dad did take care of his mom, my granny but the hurt never healed. You want a better life than that.
2007-12-24 15:33:22 · answer #4 · answered by nanbeloved 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Has your mother ever liked anyone that you dated?
This is a common complaint. the mom is over-involved with her son's life and when he does get married she hates the wife/fiancee/girlfriend and starts behaving like a jealous girlfriend towards her son's intended.
You won't be able to get your mother to change, time may or may not take care of her issues. But you can manage your mom.
Since this is YOUR mom, you need to be the gatekeeper. ANYTHING your wife does to defend herself will be seen by your mother as a direct attack on her. So you will have to defend your wife to your mother.
1. Do not tolerate any bad mouthing by your mom about your wife. Respectfully inform your mother that you will no longer listen to her say bad things about your wife. (on the flip side, wife shouldn't be bad mouthing mom either)
2. If there are children involved, there is the danger that the mom can poison her grandchildren against your wife. Make it clear to your mother that her access to the children will be limited if she cannot control herself.
3. DO NOT force your wife to spend a great deal of time with your mom. Let her pick and choose which family gatherings she feels like she wants to attend to deal with your mom. It's ok if you want to spend an afternoon by yourself with your mom--and your mom will probably love it. It's ok if there are kids involved if you are the one who usually takes them to visit grandma.
4. Your wife is going to have to bite her tongue a lot around your mom to avoid giving your mom further ammo for gossip, because your mom *is* gossiping about your wife to her friends, other family members, and church members, and random strangers, and anyone else who will listen to her rants about your wife.
You don't say how long you've been married, but that may not matter. My aunt has been married for 35 years and her MIL treats her the same way your mom treats your wife (the woman also treats her daughters' hubands badly too). Now that the old lady has realized that she is going to have to rely on her son and my aunt to take care of her when she isn't able to care for herself (because they are the ones who live near her), she has started to change her tune, but not by much.
Good Luck, and remember, you can't change how people behave, but you can change how you react to them. You can also show them what you will and will not tolerate in your life.
2007-12-24 15:55:59 · answer #5 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your mom is over protective and your wife stole her baby boy in a sense. Talk to her about acting like an adult and accepting her into the family as she should. If she refuses to change tell her you'll avoid inviting her over or spending time with her until her heart changes.
2007-12-24 15:22:09 · answer #6 · answered by A55H0L3 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You mom must be jealous of your wife who has not done anything wrong to her. Love both of them but keep them apart.
2007-12-24 15:51:36 · answer #7 · answered by Belen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe youre her baby, and dosent like to share you? maybe she thinks shes not good enough for you?? but she dosent have to treat her like dirt, that part is inexcusable,make sure you let her know that, do not tolerate disrespect towards your wife from anyone, including your mom, even if she hates her.
2007-12-24 15:27:59 · answer #8 · answered by suehellen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u can't change her mind. u just need to hope that she will accept her because she loves u. i'm sure once your mom see the love that your wife has for u she will come around
2007-12-24 15:28:12 · answer #9 · answered by Tiffany H 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can answer this one. Because she is not like your mother. You are suppose to choose a woman comparable to the (former) number one woman in your life.
Anything less is not good enough for a mother.
2007-12-24 15:28:19 · answer #10 · answered by heartsarebad 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋