Caught gf with her ex...?

Question

Here's the short story...

Left my girlfriend's (of a year) house early in the morning to get changed. She got a call from her ex before I left. I didn't think anything of it. The plan was for me to go home and come back in 30 or so minutes. I did..only to find his car in the driveway. Ok..fine..so her ex stopped by. I'm confident I can deal with it. So I go inside..and they are exchanging this stuffed animal they used to share together. When we first got together..I knew they did this. They have "joint custody" of it. (we are in our 30s by the way.) But she knew it bothered me as I saw it as away for them to hold onto "something." They stopped doing it for awhile until today...the night before out first Christmas together.

Is it weird that I am so incredibly angry about this? I don't want this to blow up right before the holiday because I don't want to ruin anything...but I feel so humiliated that they did this again..and did it in front of me when they both know it bothers me.

Answer 1

Well, it sounds like they are both still close friends? Which- is a bit awkward for a guy in your shoes, but it isn't unheard of to stay good friends with exs. It sounds like she tried to plan it so you wouldn't have to see the exchange, but that he ended up getting there a bit later than she might have expected. If she knew you would be gone for 30 minutes, she probably saw it as a good opportunity to exchange the animal w/o you having to see it. You do have every right to feel the way you are feeling though. It's not something I would expect anyone to be comfortable with seeing. If it's more a symbol of their friendship and a good relationship they once had...then that's more tolerable...my guy friends and I have weird querks like that, whether we dated or not. One thing is, boys will always feel a sense of competition, just like girls will always feel a sense of jealousy when it comes to exs and new relationships. It's built into us. I think you should take out your anger on something else, and blow off some steam, then sit her down and have a serious talk about it, and get all of the emotions out on the table...tell her that you want her to be honest with you, and that you want to be honest with her about how you feel about the situation. I wish you the best- and I hope she understands where you are coming from and that certain adaptations can be made from here on out to make you feel more comfortable, because clearly you guys have something special being together for a year so far.

Answer 2

They are much too old to be engaging in this kind of thing. He does it to hold onto her in some way, because there is no way a grown man would place any value on a stuffed animal. She does it for the same reason, probably. You are right to be angry, because the event itself is minor but what it represents is not, mainly, an inability to let go and declare that their relationship is long over and they have moved on. I mean, it's not a kid or even a pet, it's a toy? Why would they do this still? It's not innocent fun, especially when you asked her to stop. It's an excuse to see each other maybe, but why do they need an excuse for that if they are not doing or feeling anything inappropriate? At the very least it is annoying as hell. She has to stop that, right now, and trash that stuffed animal. Is this silly game worth losing you over?

Answer 3

I guess i feel it all depends on the significance of the "stuffed animal" you know what i mean? does it stand for or symbolize something? like a child that they lost either through miscarriage or other or a pet that they lost? IF that is the case then i can understand the "joint custody" that is not something that i would be willing to totally give up and i would want a memory of it. HOWEVER you should know the whole story about this "stuffed animal" and its significance.

You should just talk to her about it and see where that goes. Find out the reasoning behind it. If it is something that is not really significant then let her go until she can think about what she really wants. Which may very well be you but she will need to sort through things.

Hope it helped at least a little bit~

Answer 4

A better set of questions is "why aren't you high-tailing it away from this flakey nutjob you have been dating, and why are you even talking to such a mental case?".

Good grief, Buddy. What does it take to convince you this woman is a mental case? If sharing joint custody of a stuffed animal with an ex (who we can only presume is just as nuts as she is) isn't enough to convince you that she's bonkers, then I suppose you plan on hanging around until her crazy ex does something like putting you into the hospital?

Get out now. Cut your losses and Man-up already.

Answer 5

After the holidays, lose this girl, and I don't mean maybe. She is showing no respect to you whatsoever. You are 100 percent right about them having 'something' to hold on to. It's a reason for them to still see each other that they can't let go of. You can do much better. Don't ruin Christmas, though. Enjoy her company for the Holidays, then re-think everything for the new year.

Answer 6

Sharing custody of a stuffed animal!?! They need to grow up and move on. I don't think you are weird. She is obviously still emotionally involved with her ex. I'd talk to her about it and then consider moving on. No sense putting more heart into a relationship that very possibly is going nowhere fast.

Answer 7

It seems like they need some growing up to do. Sharing a stuffed animal? I have never heard such a silly thing. I could see a child, or a real animal.. but a darn stuffed animal? I would be a tad upset, yes! Talk to her about it. It's the only way to get this off your chest and she is your gf not his! Best of luck to you hon!

Answer 8

Your GF is wrong! she needs to let go of everything that happened in the past because this thing she has going with the bear and her Ex BF is like a link that keeps them together and it needs to end RIGHT NOW if she is serious about you. She doesn't need deal with her EX if she has you. But it seems as if she doesn't have anything going on with her ex other than this bear thing because she knew you were coming back and he came anyway so it means she wanted you to know that he was coming and she didnt do it behind your back so it means you can trust her but she needs to let go of him and the past because its not good to mix the past in the present

Answer 9

Buddy....they're in their 30's and 'share' a stuffed animal????

Know what? You'd be best to dump this wacky broad before she gets her hooks into you any deeper. take my word on this pal. Just think how asinine this scenario is that she has going with this 'ex' boyfriend. You want to hook up with a broad like that? Let the freak ex have her back. Seems they were made for one another.

Answer 10

maybe the teddy bear is just a blind covering a deeper secret?? i would say shes having some some with the ex, but i will still dump her for having this "share custody" of a stuffed animal when shes supposed to be a "mature" grown up.