I'm really worried about my baby nephew?

Question

My husband and I are staying with his parents while we're home for the holidays. His brother's wife is currrently living with them, along with her two sons. Her youngest is 8 months, and he's the one I'm really concerned about. I woke up sometime early this morning to the sound of choking. Naturally, I checked my son, but he was happily snuggled up to his daddy. I went in the living room and saw the 8 month old in his swing, with a bottle propped, and his mommy nowhere in sight. I took the bottle and picked him up, and he spit up the formula that was choking him. His mom was in her room, in bed, but obviously she was the one who did it, since he went to bed with her a few hours before. He fell asleep in my arms on the couch, but I had trouble sleeping because I couldn't stop thinking of what could have happened to him.

I know I did the right thing, but I'm worried about what will happen when she moves out and her husband gets deployed. (CONTINUED)

I feel like I should say something, as I'm sure this isn't the first time she has done this. I've never seen her hold her son to feed him his formula. Her husband is on his way home right now, so what, if anything, should I say to her?

She got upset with me for co-sleeping with him on the couch, but could care less that he was choking on his bottle.

Answer 1

One question: can you say something to your mother-in-law, suggest that she be the one to talk to her about it?

I think you already blew the moment for the "Do your own..." I mean, "BABIES UBER ALLES!" response, which would've been to waste no time waking the mother up and loudly saying "Get up, your baby almost choked! Oh god! Somehow, he managed to crawl out of your bed and into the swing away from you, and prop his bottle! Yikes, we better find out how that happened right away, and... Oh... Really, huh? Way to go, Britney!"

Answer 2

Hi,
I have the same issue with my cousin, she props the bottle and never holds the baby. I always pick him up, I have asked why she does this, she says it's easier, and why do extra work, she is already tired/headache/sick etc... Tell her point blank you woke up and the baby was choking, you are concerned this will happen again, she may get defensive but she needs a wake up call. I hate that, I asked a question a while back if a lot of moms would do this and most people said no, they enjoy picking up their babies. It's a good thing you were there to catch it, but you have to say something to her cause sometimes people need to hear things they don't want to so they can make the change.

edit:wtf?? She thinks you co-sleeping with him is bad?? what does she care she was in bed, it wasn't like she wanted to get up with him. wow.

Answer 3

That's a touchy situation. While I think that anyone that won't even stay in the same room with a baby while he or she takes 20 -30 minutes at the most to drink a bottle is pure lazy and self-centered. And I have a hard time calling any mother that. But truth be told, that was one of the most ultimate acts of selfishness i have read on this site.

You should tell her that her son almost choked to death this morning because he was alone drinking a bottle. Absolutely. You may want to be a bit more diplomatic then that though. But I would also talk to your in-laws about this. If that baby has an 'accident' in their home they may be guilt ridden. They should set ground rules about that. It is their home, and they are guests there.

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Seriouly upset more with you holding the baby then the fact that she let him choke? That's neglect.

I love when my daughter sleeps on me. I also like that she sleeps alone in her basinette. But I also LOVE holding her while she is eating and watching her watching me. It's just lovely!!

Answer 4

I would 110% say something to her, after Christmas. I only say after to thwart off a potential argument on a special holiday. But, after I would tell her exactly what you are thinking. And if it's no trouble to you, I would suggest offering to help her out. I don't know if she's just lazy and doesn't feel like feeding her son, or if she maybe is stressed out or has some form of PPD, but it's not right to just leave your baby to feed himself at 8 months old. That should be a bonding time (this coming from a mother who's son straight up REFUSES every bottle in site because he's nursing) but I mean, I feel like for every mother, feeding should be a time where you hold each other's hand and look into each other's eyes and talk to your baby. I would definitely bring it up to her that he was choking on his bottle and not only is it a "cuddling" issue, but also potentially hazardous to his health and not to mention when his teeth come in, leaving a bottle with a baby can cause tooth rot because they fall asleep with the bottle in their mouth. I don't think it's wrong of you to say something. You're a worred mother and I think the concern is of importance!

EDIT** WOW, so she'd rather let her son choke on his own bottle, than be safe in your arms? Her priorities are really messed up. Someone really needs to talk to her. Whether it be you, your husband, her husband or another family member. That's just not right.

Answer 5

You need to say something. Besides what the others have answered there is something else involved in this.

There is the legal aspect::

If the baby did choke to death from the way she had left him that could lead to negligent manslaughter, child abuse, endangering the life of a minor and, child neglect charges being filed as well or any combination.

Your knowing about it and, not saying anything i.e. letting it continue could involve you as well. You might also end up being charged as well. If for nothing else not reporting child abuse and neglect

The courts now days are taking a dim view of people abusing and endangering children. They are also taking a dim view on people parents etc. acting irresponsibly concerning the children in their care.

Answer 6

OMG!!! Just reading that reminded me of a woman I knew who did this with her son. I'm soooo glad you woke up and got him. Not only could he have choked to death but he should be having time off his butt and sleeping in a swing is not healthy. I think you should say something to her since she had no problem telling you about co-sleeping with him. It's a scary thought if this is a continuing issue. Especially when it becomes just her and the children :-S Please talk to her... from what I've read you're a VERY responsible mother!

Answer 7

Definitely say something to her. It is very dangerous to leave a baby unattended with a bottle, especially if it is propped up and they are unable to hold it. It is also very harmful to him mentally to not be held and nurtured while being fed. Of course she may get upset about it but you must try and convince her not to do it anymore. I had a friend that occasionally propped up the bottle so she didn't have to hold it but she NEVER left the room. Doctors say that it is dangerous to prop a bottle at all but it can be fine as long as you watch the baby. Talk to her.

Answer 8

Wow, it's a good thing you found him! I would definitely take her aside when no other family is around. Gently tell her what happened, and how he was choking when you found him. I normally don't condone people telling others how to raise their kids or criticizing their parenting decisions, but this is a matter of safety. Because you already found the baby choking, it's time for someone to step in. Don't be surprised if she gets defensive, and don't take it to heart if she does. Good luck!

Answer 9

Speak to her in a sympathetic way, tell her that you know from experience that this is a bad idea, tell her that you did it with your child and that you got into the room just in time to stop him from chocking to death! This part doesn't need to be true, but if she thinks that you understand that it's alot of work to feed the baby when you're really tired, she might clue in.

Did you tell her why you were sleeping with the baby on the couch? It needs to be adressed.

Merry Christmas!
and good luck!

Answer 10

to make a long answer short...you did the right thing...I would say something to her...next time the little guy may not be so lucky to have someone around...so what if she gets upset...you have every right to be worried..also he probably needed that snuggle time from you...not sure what you can do to prevent this from happening when they move in their own place...