I'm Catholic. oops= Do I have to stay with my baby's father?

Question

He used to be perfect! We were going to be married at any second... but....

Now, We have a baby! (yikes! I know! We are not married! It is devastating to me!!) He never hurts me or the baby, So, Do I have to stay with him? He is morbidly obese and I am afraid he will eat all our food! (I am dead serious! please do not think this is a joke!) I am afraid to marry him because they will base my food stamps on his income too! (hey! I paid INTO the system for like 20 yrs now! If I need foodstamps for a year or two, that is OK! it is NOT permanent! I will work again!) We live in a state that has one of the top three unemployment problems in the US! What should I do?! I do not want to put the baby in daycare! I want to be a Stay at Home Mommy! This man acutally creates more problems for me! I have to go around cleaning up after him! (he.... uh... misses the toilet? on a regular basis?). I can not send him out to buy TP or toothpaste or laundry detergent because he will misappropriate funds

he will actually spend the TP money on going out to eat! He is mentally ill. He has actually GONE OFF his meds while he was with me!!!! that is scary, isn't it?!! have you seen the news? do you know what crazy people do when they are not on their meds?! He says he never wanted a baby. what if he takes on the revenge on me or the baby? what if we separate? what if he gets visitation rights?!! Isn't it better to keep him around, so that I know he is taking his meds... if i hand feed it to him? He is the only man I am attracted to. I understand that as a Catholic, I can never remarry. Please don't tell me how hard it is to be a single mom. I already am living that life! He has no job, yet he finds reasons to leave everyday, for hours on end. I tried to get a 20 min required family bonding and "cuddle time and he can't even do that. To top it all off, the baby (she is the sweetest baby) nurses every hour for the duration of an hour. how can I find time to go out to buy TP?

do kids use such words as "misappropriation of funds"? Kids would say " u r an idiot bcoz i'm cereal". I am serious. Unfortunately. If you click on my profile you will see that my other question involves a lawyer. Do kids ask questions about lawyers? Even if I was a kid, why don't you answer the question nicely and receive ten points? further details: my boyfriend will stay awake all night until 2am on the internet. He will sleep all day until the "crack of noon" or later, given the opportunity. He has worn a hole in the wall by the shower. He destroys other things in the apartment too. The apartment is in my name. I am not happy! He goes to "groups" everyday when he goes out. Yes, they are real groups. Counseling, peer support, food addiction, over eater's annonymous, psyciatrists, ...

Are you going to help me by sending jobs to my state? Please, someone give me some real help!

I will get a job! I was good at what I did! And when I able to, I will get another job! soon as possible! but, my child's welfare is important too! does anyone know that the first years of life are the most important! why would I just dump the baby in day care? why would you want me to do that? "you" would have to pay for that too! Don't you want the baby to grow up and go to college, get a good job , and not be "in the system" like me? By the way, I have ONE child, not 5 or ten of them! I am 35 yrs old! I had some bad advice from friends who told me not to wait to have sex until I was married! The "friends" said I was too old to be a virgin! So, now I have a baby! Is anyone here Catholic?

everyone is so harsh! Everyone is right! Teeman, especially! I really wish I had left the explanation blank!!!!! I feel lousy! I should just delete this question. but at least you all took the time to answer it! No, I don't suppose my situation is unique anymore nowadays, huh? That is sad

DIY Doc is correct too!!! I should move on with my life!!!

Answer 1

Calm down, dear, and take a deep breath.

I'm not going to make any assumptions about either you or your situation, just answer from a Catholic perspective based on what you've presented here .

If you are not in fact married to this man, then you are not obliged to stay with him -- and you can certainly marry (either him, or someone else) in the future -- but you shouldn't be living with him, either, unless it's as "brother and sister", i.e., no sex. The fact that you've had a child doesn't enter into it. What you are obligated to do now is live chastely unless and until you *are* married.

As far as sex is concerned the Church is pretty clear: It belongs within marriage, period. Unmarried Christians are called to be chaste. All things considered, regardless of what your ignorant friends say, it seems to be pretty wise counsel don't you think?

So you gave in to whatever pressures there were, and became pregnant; it happens. Unfortunately, the situation you are now in complicates your life considerably, but from the perspective of your Church you need to go to confession (for the sex outside of marriage part, not the baby part) and then remain chaste thereafter until you are indeed married. You're not compelled to marry the father of your child and from your description it may be wise not to. Consider it a very difficult lesson learned. But your child carries no stigma, he or she is not a "bastard" -- the Church does not apply the sins of a parent to the child. Get him or her baptized, get yourself to confession, and as Jesus said, "go and sin no more" in the same manner again.

I do hope you are able to get some solid legal advice, though, regarding possible vistation/custody issues. May I suggest that you do not rely upon what you get from Y!Answers but instead consult an actual practicing attorney through Legal Aid.

Your child is your priority right now. Do the best you possibly can to take care of him or her and turn your situation around. You're not the first young woman to use poor judgment in a choice of partner, nor to have a child as a result. Things are not hopeless.

Answer 2

While I might usually agree that those who bleed the social systems are as much a plague on society as overpopulation...I won't say that here, now, to show you some respect.

To answer the Q however, NO!. Without getting deep into the details, or your possible religious convictions and obvious concern. Certainly you need a support system, but it seems it won't be the father.

I guess my question, even as a member of the Clergy, is WHY have you dealt with this, for this length of time? Obviously there are reasons that you need not share and yet should consider privately.

Without reading one detail, I have to wonder, has there ever been talk of marriage? Even when THINGS may have been OK? Was there ever a sense that both of you were "committed" to each other, on any caring level?Certainly millions have children, unmarried, and make it work.

I wonder one other thing. WHO PAYS the BILLS??? (meaning directly, not in any social service agency aid)

Who Rents or Owns the dwelling you share?

Do you suspect, or know definitively, that you can maintain YOU, and a child without HIM?

No real offense, but your diatribe stating his faults is none of our business, nor is it our business how you survive, and you could have left the details out of this Q.

Finally, and foremost You probably should have just asked the Q, and left the detail area blank. First of all, even the wise cannot know what will be the consequences of your life, with or without HIM. Likewise NO ONE, even a Priest, can know, if a GOD will accept the fact that you had a child out of wedlock, and feel some guilt in asking, What Would your God Want??? Can you assume that you've been "forgiven"? Probably. A more important question you should ask yourself is..."Can I or my child, forgive me, should I choose to stay in a degrading situation, with possible, potential, harmful, scenarios, to either?"

I don't mean any disrespect to answer 1 or 2 either, as I have been in a place where I needed aid and was denied, but Stay At Home, will obviously be the system supporting you. More valid however, is the child, and its well being. No offense, but if you die in child birth, the baby will become a ward, and be cared for.

Finally, finally, this was perhaps an inappropriate category to post this Q in?

Your situation is not at all unique. What might be unique and specific to you is gathering up some strength to do the right thing for the child, and make every effort to move on past this situation, looking for a better one.

Answer 3

Quite living off me and get a job like my wife and i had to.

Answer 4

does he follow the Bible? Is he Catholic too?