why do men cheat after being married for 10 years?

Question

i mean come on you can not cheat and get caught and get forgivin the first time and the second and the third and finally the fourth year in a row.

people ask me why i hate christmas .
now i am sitting here with 3 kids at 39 yrs old, no job, hating christmas because every year for the past 4 years he has cheated and got busted right around christmas time ( with in a couple of days)
but i finaly had enough and threw him out.

now what?
what do i do now?
where do i go from here ?
how do i survive?

i don't believe in love any more it doesn't exsist.
after all he was my high school sweetheart
any advise on where to go from here will be greatly appreciated

some of you mentioned that we settled down right after highschool and had no other people in our lives well i probably should have mentioned we broke up in high school and married other people and after we were married to other people for 10 years we got together and began our lives together during that 10 years apart he was in the millatary and you know he has had his choice of partners and i though we were ready for each other but i guess i was wrong. i kept him around so long for the kids i grew up with out a father and i didn't want my kids to do the same so i sucked it up and stayed with him.

i am not looking for a pitty party i know i have a hard road ahead. but life goes on i guess.

Answer 1

if u for sure don't want him back, go file for divorce, get assist from legal aide, file for child support, spousal support, u get a job, if u can't make enough ask for help from social services, ask for food stamps, there are many charitable organizations that will help u, get into a therapy group that deals with survival after divorce, where there will be others there who have been through this and will be more than glad to help u. it is a hard road, it does hurt and being Christmas makes it worse. u survive by getting help from the community, start going to church, pray about things. love still exists but u just got the wrong man.

Answer 2

Nine Christmases ago I also said this:
"i don't believe in love any more it doesn't exist."

Today I'm happily married with two beautiful sons and a wife that I love with all my heart!

You are hurt, and the person who hurt you, not only hurt a beautiful human being, but also an awesome mother. I believe with all my heart that people that do evil in this world will also pay for it in their lifetime. I know this doesn't help you present situation. It is hard to sit alone. It's hard not to have gifts for your children. It's hard to see the other party going about their business laughing and enjoying themselves. But guess what? I can assure you that this present situation will pass. You will recover. You will find the happiness you deserve and you and your kids will be all right. This will be just a very bad memory someday. When another future Christmas comes and you are surrounded by your loving family and perhaps a man that will value you and honor you like you deserve,,remember then my humble words to you! Never ever give up hope! Live for now for your children, they will be proud someday to look back and see how well you stay togheter in the most horrible circumstances. Chin up,,and a big hug from this total stranger!

Answer 3

Should have kicked his but out long ago. I am married to my high school sweetheart and the first time cheat would be the last time cheat! Well besides that since you do not work he will after a divorce owe you spousal support and child support. This however is only useful if he is not an A whole bum! If you can get a job asap, If you can can you lean on any family for support like looking after the kids while you work or help out in any way possible. Remember that he cheated on you you did not cheat on him you were true to Love and yes it does exist you husband was worthless and now has lost his loving wife and family, hope his whore was worth it. Its going to take time for you to trust another guy but if I found myself single by an unfortunate accident or something I would be worthy of some ones love and trust. I am saying never give up on Love or guys the good ones are out there . Give yourself some time to lick your wounds and pick up your socks and start hunting yourself out a GOOD man. Good Luck and Best Wishes!!!

Answer 4

Hello

This is certainly not what you want to hear, but its coming from a man that has been married 13 yrs and has two kids. First of all, I know its hard what your going through and I'm sure your feeling helpless, but for the sake of your life and your kids, you do need to move on. Get through Christmas and then, come up with a plan for 2008.

Back to the reason why men cheat.

1. You mention you were high school sweethearts. Although, its cute to marry your H.S. sweetheart, I think it brings on problems later in life, after you regret not dating or having sex with a variety of women, before you settled down

2. The sex has decreased considerably and has become rather boring

3. He doesn't feel like his needs are getting met

4. The women has become more of a Mom and less of a wife/lover

Answer 5

WoW, you are in the deep ****.

First, You have very bad boundaries. This means that you have allowed him back in because you were afraid. you were afraid because you allowed yourself to be without options.

Second, Would you say that from High School, you now look more like a mother or a wife. How much have you let yourself go?

Third, if women see the romance that they get. how has this changed over the last 10 years.

Fourth, your husband is looking, yes, but there seems to be a pretty good supply of women who are looking back. This means that he is desirable....How have you shown him this in his home.

Fifth, were you lazy with yoursef and your marriage partner?

All of this are things to think about. Big Questions that you must answer.

The lady across the street caught her husband cheating and finally took him back. She said that she understood that the only thing that she could do if she wanted change was to look at her actions and change them. She needed to solve her problems first....Very smart.

Respect yourself and take responsibility for your actions with integrity. Do the right thing and things will work out. Stay on the right path. Do the right thing. If you bend over you already know what will happen. Better boundries, please. I did not say poor baby, did I. He must go!!

You are in deep ****. You should have handled this years ago. Now, you will pay the price for your in action. Deep ****!!

Answer 6

I won't give you a pitty party. If you still love him keep forgiving him because the next man will cheat on you too and maybe beat you on top of it. You need to grow up like most women and deal with reality. Here are the facts of life you obviously haven't learned yet:

1. There is no Santa
2. There might be a Bigfoot
3. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
4. Marriage ruins relationships (moving in is the same)
5. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
6. Life is not fair

Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me if you want to
hear the truth. You can ask me anything. I don't lie unlike
the other answers you will get.

Answer 7

I feel your pain, i was with a cheater for a long time, and it really hurts you, phisically, mentally and even your self steem suffers, your first step towards the new year is find a job, dont stay at home wondering, go out and find the best job you can, second is serve him with divorce papers, if hes in the military he has to pay you child support, and if he has been there for 10 years you get at least 30%of his retirment money, make sure you get that, start going to a gym and doing things that make you feel good, go out with your children at least once a week just to have fun, dont give up on love, love wont come that soon, but it will come to you and it will be the best, stay positive.

Answer 8

Divorce him, get child support and alimony.
Put the kids in day care or have a family member help you.
Go to your State Human Services Department and apply for food stamps and cash aid.
Go to the Unemployment office and have them help you do a resume and locate a job.

But most of all, hang in there. I am sure you will find love again, and with a good man. I also married my high school sweetheart, and he also cheated. Finally divorced him when our daughter was only two. Raised her by myself and married a wonderful man 17 years later. Took a while, but he was worth waiting for. Try to have a Merry Christmas!!

Answer 9

Your marriage ended because your spouse cheated on you. That doesn't mean you have to be bitter all the time. Aren't you glad you got your kids who stand by your side? Don't you think they deserve your love and care and attention. ? You Know what? This is a great time to change your focus on life. Turn your eyes away from your tiresome husband and look into the direction where you see your kids are now. Think about their future. Forget the past and move on. YOU CAN SURVIVE... but ...YOU HAVE TO MAKE A CHOICE . Get a job even a disabled person can have one . IF THERE IS A WILL THERE IS A WAY.
YOU CAN DEPEND ON GOD, HE WILL MAKE A WAY FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS. GOD WILL SEE YOU THROUGH.
We 're on the same boat, IF GOD CAN DO IT FOR ME, HE CAN DO IT FOR YOU AS WELL.
Trust in the Lord with ALL YOUR HEART and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways, acknowledge HIM and HE WILL give you the desires of your heart.

Answer 10

They cheat for exactly the same reasons as women do..... they find being locked-together with each other stifling. Now they (both men and women) find others more exciting and attractive, - just as before they got married.

Being "in LOVE" is the real anomaly, -a temporary aberration. Glorious, splendidly exhilarating aberration, but it blinds one (she or he) to the faults and basic boringness of the Other. When Passion's spent, what's left? TV? Getting drunk? looking at the opposite sex with envy?

That's why, .... but it isn't just men. To you, it seems like it, but to lots of guys I know it's just the opposite. Gal got good husband, sweet kids, lovely house, but flew the coop for this jerk with the Merc. and Big Ego.

That's what makes the world go round. Join in. Find someone new, Make out, and just try again.
It may fail, but what the hell, you'll have tried.

Brush your hair, scrub up and get out the war-paint again. Bin that scruffy old dress and go shopping again. Dab on some Chanel No 5, and shake off that stale "pizza 'n fries" smell. Smile at people, there are squillions of really, really nice guys out there that would give their eye-teeth to get to know you and be your friend.