How can I force myself to like my friend's boyfrienend?

Question

He's super controlling (ie: he calls her every 30 minutes to an hour, has planned out her entire career path for her, etc), disrespectful (he's always going on and on about how women think he's so sexy or he'll say another girl's butt is so big and juicy and ask if we agree) and he calls me to arrange for me, him and my friend to hang out (wtf?)

Whenever my friend and I are hanging out with the girls, he invites himself along or just "shows up" at the place we're going.

BUT none of this seems to bother my friend. She seems very happy with him. The two recently got engaged. How can I make myself like him?

Answer 1

Been there, and done that. My best friend married her guy. I was polite, never did like him, and put up with him to a point. when he'd try to butt in on "girls night", I politely explained to him that he had the wrong anatomy, and perhaps next time we'd plan something he could join in on, this time, he needed to either go home, or go run with the boys cause us girls had plans, and as it was my outting, I had planned it that way, and thank you for respecting that.

Just hang in there, and know, friends are forever, men come and go. As to my best friend and her control freak, she finally got tired of that crap. He's gone, and I'm still here, just like I told him one day when I'd had enough of his crap!

The important thing, is to be there for your friend, and do your best to keep your loathing to yourself, as at this point, she, somehow, still thinks he's wonderful. Just be there, she'll figure it out, and when she does, she's going to need you.

Answer 2

You can't make yourself like him and you shouldn't. I would recommend that you and your other friends talk to her BEFORE she gets married. I almost made the same mistake myself and I'm so glad my friend sat me down and opened my eyes. Tell her that you love her and that you'll support her no matter what, but that you're concerned for her happiness and safety. The controlling behavior she thinks is cute now will turn into an abusive situation and the fact that he disrespects her is not good. See if she can go out with her friends without him knowing where she is or showing up. If he gets mad or insists on coming then that should be a clear sign to her that this guy is a control freak. She needs time to just hang out with her friends without him coming around. I don't know if she has low self esteem but I know I did at that time in my life. Tell her she deserves better and that a man who treats her right and respects her will come along. (mine did). Just because she's engaged it doesn't mean its too late to change her mind. If she does insist on staying with him just be there for her. Chances are she'll either need you to help pick up the pieces or he will try to shut all of her friends out of her life. Make sure you stick with her, she's going to need you.

Answer 3

You cannot force yourself to like someone, especially when you see that they are hurting your friend, or are setting up your friend in a "grooming" manner for a lifetime of abuse and unhappiness. If you get your friends together and any family members, that truly see what you see, and have an intervention perhaps she will have her eyes opened. Every 10 minutes a woman is killed in the US from domestic abuse (abuse starts with controlling behavior and demeaning comments, and graduates into violence once the couple is alone and behind closed doors). I am sure you know all the information concerning this topic already.
If it turns out that she doesn't want to listen, doesn't want to do anything about it...then you have to let her go her own path and just be ready to be there as her safety net when she needs you. That's what freindship and love between friends is all about.

Answer 4

That's the beauty of this situation, you don't HAVE to like him! Start muttering around him about being a 'control freak' and 'insecurity' - be sarcastic when he says women find him sexy, say 'oh do you often talk to/work with morons then? - But smile sweetly as you say it! If he comments on a woman's butt, tell him you're not in the habit of looking at women's backsides, but if he happens to notice a nice 'packet' on a guy to give you a nudge. Get the other girls to join in, AND if necessary say to your friend, can she understand, it's a 'GIRLS' night out. On girls nights out, you might want to sit and just chat, have a quiet drink or look at lads or talk girlie things like periods and panty-hose! But it's restricting if he's there. The thing to do is for you all to 'take-off' if he turns up - oh, well as you're here now, we're all going off to a club (don't say which one) if you take off without your mate, she'll either come to realise that he's cramping her style, or if not then I suppose she won't be going out on girlie nights much once she's married, he'd be paranoid by then of letting her out of the front door

Answer 5

You need to buy your buddy a book on controlling, abusive relationships because of what I'm hearing about this one, I think this is it. He's calling YOU to plan their dates? He calls her all the time? He asks his GF's opinion on other girls' hotness? This guy just sounds like a bad boy character playing the bad boyfriend out of a teen movie! Stake out a day for just you and her (try to make sure he isn't aware of it...) and show her your list of recent calls on your cell phone to show her how many times HER boyfriend called YOU. Remind her about all those girls her told you about... the ones with the "big and juicy" butts. Hopefully she'll see the light. If not, it's time to bring in the reinforcements... AKA call her family!! Her parents, brothers, sisters, anyone! They should all be smart enough and they should all love her enough to see why they need to help. Good luck!

~PS This is a link to Amazon and its an Emotional Abuse Relationship book that may help. Again, good luck!

http://www.amazon.com/Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship-Abused-Abusing/dp/0471454036

Answer 6

why make yourself like a jerk? you need to have a serious talk with your girlfriend about this character. his controlling and boastful behavior is indicative of extreme insecurity and is a recipe for disaster. Ask her if she really wants to be involved with a guy who wants to control everything she does, every decision she makes, her thoughts, her actions, etc. A good marriage is not made of this and hopefully she will realize this before they have kids. A good friend would tell her she's very concerned for her well-being and that she's not at all comfortable being around him. Good luck.

PS though she may not like to hear this now, later she will know you were right

Answer 7

You can't and don't bother. I'm sure the rest of your friends feel the same way. There's probably no talking to her but there are self help books out there. Maybe you could buy her one. If she marries a control freak she'll regret it the rest of her life because he will eventually separate her from friends and family. Get all the girls together and do an "intervention". You just might get through to her. Good luck.

Answer 8

You cant make your self like anyone. You just have to except the fact that your friend is love with this idiot, and nothing anyone say or does will change that. See if you find something funny about him to laugh about, and sit back and watch him make an *** out of himself. She will get tired of being disrespected. He has tell everyone how great he is, because know one else is going to, Hahaha! Start asking him about guys (packages, privates, biceps, muscles, etc.) and see if he thinks they are big enough. Learn to have fun with this. Enjoy.

Answer 9

You can't. The best thing you can do is tollerate it. Don't make a big deal out of the relationship, don't roll your eyes etc...

If you want to send a message, find other things to do if you don't want to be subject to him. Eventually your friend will ask why you dis her, you can then - in a non-confrontational way tell her your opinion of her significant other. Just tell her you don't care to be around "bf". When she asks why, tell her, but don't let it turn into a fight.

You can't make yourself like him, but you might be able to get your friend to look at the relationship from another perspective.

Answer 10

With people like that, sometimes anyone can be blinded by their "good qualities", maybe your friend was so desperate to find someone to be with, to have affection after a nasty breakup, or a bad event, that they are forcing themselves to not see how controlling their fiancee is. My best bet would be to talk to your friend, and say something like this.

"(name), I really care for you, and want to get on with your fiancee - to not lose your friendship, but I care for you too as a bff (best friend forever). I will try my best to get on with him, but I wanted to just say as a friend that I get bad vibes off him, I don't ever want you to be hurt - so remember you have a very close friend should you ever need to talk about anything.

Then give her a little hug, and carry on.

Maybe follow this up by giving her a book about abusive relationships, or something similar to open her eyes a little and see similar qualities between that and her own relationship.

You don't necesserially have to get along with him, that would be forcing yourself to do the same as she did when she went into the relationship - to avoid his bad points. If she is a true friend, she will not push you aside if you choose not to be blinded by his idiocy.