Should you stay with someone even if you're no longer sexually attracted to them?

Question

dating in long term relationship with child

I love him very much, he is my best friend . but i have a very high sex drive

Answer 1

There is a difference between having a high sex drive and just not feeling it for your partner.

You have a child, what has changed for you? I would try other things to get the other person in the mood, try to remember the things you did in the beginning before I would end it, only because of the child. we all go through phases - dont give up yet until you have tried other things.

Answer 2

While the common thing today is to recommend sex even for the very elderly, my husband and I feel differently about this. We had great sex for about 6 months, but after that it went by the wayside until we now have no sex. It's not that we don't feel sexually attracted to one another, but that we don't really like the ACT of sex (it's messy, you sweat and stink, and you get sticky from the sweat) so we don't have sex any more. We are EXTREMELY INTIMATE though, both physically and emotionally. We sleep naked every night, usually with our arms intertwined, we hold hands everywhere, we talk about everything under the sun from the weather to world issues. Neither of us wants to even 'look at' another person in a 'sexual' way ... why should we, when we are so totally happy being together? So, the question is not should you stay with someone if you are not 'attracted' but how to you FEEL ABOUT THAT PERSON OTHERWISE? Take your 'sex drive' off the table and look at your RELATIONSHIP ... if you are close, happy with your partner, in love ... and especially if there is a REASON you can not have sex with your partner, such as illness or extreme disability that wasn't there before then YES, you should stay with your partner even if you are no longer sexually attracted. There ARE other ways to get the sexual 'satisfaction' you may want (make friends with your hand) ... but finding the 'right partner' for you may not be possible until you have this 'epiphany' ... all sex is, after all, is a drive to reproduce, although many people now seem to think it's all about the pleasure and think that having children is just another 'responsibility' or even a 'gift' of some sort. My husband and I were beyond having any more children. Our first grandchild ... my son't first child ... was born six days after we got married. My husband had not had much sex before we got together, and that was very early (he was 18) ... and nowadays, if we 'need sex' we simply take care of that ourselves ... and actually do it only very rarely because we don't want or need it any more ... because we ARE SO CLOSE and we are so HAPPY. Think about what I'm saying to you ... is getting 'satisfied' so IMPORTANT to you that you are willing to 'give up something very good' just because you feel the 'need' to have an orgasm, or is it the touching, the caring, the emotional connection that is 'attracting you' to another person or fantasy? If it's the first, stay with your partner. If it's the second, then first try to 'repair' the relationship with your partner's help, then if NOTHING can be done, get COMPLETELY OUT of the situation for at least 6 months before you 'try having sex with another partner.' Yes, this is true at ANY AGE ... otherwise, just make friends with your hand ... and have a 'friends with benefits' relation with your best friend, hand.

Answer 3

This kind of hits close to home for me lately. My wife and I have been married for 12 years and for the most part, sex has never been a problem for us. Within the past year however, sex is happening less frequently and we actually average once per month.

When I ask her about it she says she is completely happy and completely in love, but she just doesn't desire sex. She says she's not sure why, but reassures me that she loves me and has no desire to leave me.

So, to answer your question, you really have to ask yourself how important is that particular aspect to you. For me, it's extremely important, but not so important that I want to lose my best friend in a wife.

I would certainly sit down and have a discussion with your b/f and get his feelings and share your feelings. Be open and honest and allow him to do the same, then maybe you can either try and determine a solution or try and determine what route is best for the both of you...

Good luck!

Answer 4

Good question. Sexual attraction can come and go, I'd need more information. Is this a boyfriend or a husband, how long have you been together, how old are you? A relationship based only on sexual attraction will not last, it is the other parts of the relationship that give it the glue.

Answer 5

Do you still love him? if not then no, you shouldn't stay with him, it's only going to hurt more in the end. If you still love him then yes you should stay and try and work things out, and maybe the sexual attraction will come back.

Answer 6

yes as long as you don't cheat on him and no if you will cheat
just give him a lot of sex one day you might see it makes you have a change of heart but, if not divorce and leave him . it is not fair to do that to someone you no longer have feelings for but first try a lot of sex...it may change the heart around. good luck

Answer 7

well he was attractive enough for you to reproduce with wasnt he? so I think little girl you should just try to figure out how to make it work. if you have a higher sex drive make him want you more, I have never known a guy who would not jump in the sack if his woman started things up, met him naked at the door, whatever, so for your childs sake you better figure it out how to make it work, you made this mess so fix it

Answer 8

Yes, if the person is good, because sexual attraction comes to an end with anyone over time.

Answer 9

If you are married, remember your vows.

You cannot leave him for sex. Think about how many men use that lame excuse.


There are many mor great things that he brings to the marriage. Be Thankful that you have a good man.

Answer 10

have you told them you're not sexually attracted to them anymore, is it something they can fix or is there no hope? If it is something that can't be fixed then you need to move on...sex is a huge part of a relationship..