My fiance has a 7 year old daughter. He loves her very much and so do I. Before I met him, 1 1/2 years ago there was this woman and they had a short good time together.He said it was less than 10 times and he always wore a condom. He also found out that she was with another man when she went to NY & Miami.After a year she calls him and tells him she has had his baby and he couldn't believe that call. He will be going to get a DNA test to see if she is his.
The thing IS.. his 7 year old's mom took her to see the little girl already and has told her about the 'sister'! She is too young to have known this so soon without even being sure.
Should we tell her it's not true or leave it alone. If it is true we don't want her to tell everyone about this so fast. It's hard, any advice?
2007-12-24 01:05:04 · 24 answers · asked by HotJewels 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't undo what is already done and if the child's mother thought it was the best thing to do, then so be it.
Get the testing done, condoms fail and frequency has nothing to do with it. You and your fiance should also be tested for HIV and other STD's, as this woman has had multiple partners apparently.
If it turns out to be his child, then there won't be anything to tell his daughter about her sister, but if its not, simply tell her that the woman made a mistake and let her mother figure out how to undo what she did. There isn't anything you can do to stop people talking, simply tell the truth and don't try to cover up anything.
2007-12-24 01:49:18 · answer #1 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First the mother is just trying to cause trouble. He and her need to sit down and have a talk about what is appropriate to be telling the 7 yr old. If the little girl brings it up then I would explain to her that there is a possibility, and her dad is gonna have a test to see if the child is his or not.Everyone always says don't tel the kid, well when the cat is out of the bag the only thing left is to be honest with her. Children aren't given enough credit on what they can understand, if talked to in the right way when questions are asked the child will understand and the relationship will be stronger. You can't tell her it its true or not until the test results are in.
2007-12-24 01:58:43 · answer #2 · answered by love my life 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell the 7 yr old's mom that you are going through DNA testing and that she should not have done that.
I would also want to know how the 7 yr old's mom found out and maybe that needs to be addressed too.
No one should have known until the results were in. Someone has been doing way too much talking. get the DNA fast.
2007-12-24 01:12:30 · answer #3 · answered by sammy3256 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
1st of all the little girls mother overstepped her boundaries. What int he world do people think about when they open their mouths?
I would explain to her as best as possible that it may not be her sister . I do not know if a child that young can understand the concept but I would definately try to get her to understand that daddy may not be the father since mommy decided to spill the beans in a situation where she should have waited. I would try to explain to her that you gotta wait untill ya'll find out if the baby is daddies before saying anything but thats not a guarantee she will keep it to herslef. She is young and hasn't figured out what secrets are yet.
What a mess this is. Some people outta have their voice box permanently removed. ( The 7 year olds mom)
As for people finding out . well thast gonna happen and speed will happen cause its a juicy situation and ya know people enjoy this kinda stuff.
Wish you the best on this. :)
2007-12-24 01:32:17 · answer #4 · answered by Joann 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like the two ex's are bosom buddies which is something the two of you need to be very careful about.
Don't tell the child anything until you know for sure. It is her fathers place to tell her and it his place to tell her mother that she should not of told their daughter or introduce their daughter to another child until confirmation was made.
I suspect the two ex's are going to after child support so I have some suggestions.
Go to google or yahoo search and put the state your husband and ex's divorce is in or state they live in. After you type the state put child support enforcement then click search. It should come up with the website for your state child support enforcement. It will have a child support calculations page and it will show you what you will have to pay.
***I can not say this enough.***
ALWAYS DOCUMENT EVERYTHING and make every payment on time.
DOCUMENT ~ DOCUMENT ~ DOCUMENT everything!!!!!
Pay consistantly, on time each month. DO NOT GIVE CASH.
Always pay by money order or check and keep copies of the receipts, money order stub, and cleared checks of EVERYTHING YOU HAVE PAID.
***If you pay directly to ex then get a file and keep organized records of every child support payment.***
In some cases it it better to go through the child support enforcement office because it holds both sides accountable BUT if you ever get behind on a payment they will become the child support payee's enemy and no matter what your x is doing will not matter cause THEY WANT THE MONEY.
KEEP GOOD RECORDS on visits, children behaviors, phone calls, money, time spent and not spent together & etc.
2007-12-24 01:15:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
one thing you stay out of it, he create thi smess let him take care of it you are new to the picture, and you could be his next victim until he give you proof that this is not his baby & not by word of mouth by the proof of a DNA you must not say anything about the matter and you are certainly in no position to talk to his 7 daughter his x that has the 7 years old (the mother ) is the one that is allow to talk to her daugther with him not you, alwys remmeber no matter how long you are in this relationship or how much you love that child you don't have the right to say or discuss certain thing with her
if the x and the daugther know about her that mean it was not just a 10x time affair so beleive what you want but don't be naive not stupid
2007-12-24 01:15:10 · answer #6 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wait for the test. And this "mother" who took the 7 yr. old daughter to see her "sister" is only trying to cause trouble. She will feel like a fool when she has to explain where this "sister" went, if it turns out not to be his child. She (the ex) sounds like a nutt--who would expose a child to something they cannot grasp, or even begin to understand? She needs parenting classes....Stay away from that one!~ Good Luck.
2007-12-24 01:10:29 · answer #7 · answered by allie b 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think everyone needs to put on the brakes until the test results come back.
That was a pretty drastic move, and a rather immature one, on the mother's part to tell her daughter about a "sister."
But that's her cross to bare if the child has a different father.
But if the child is his, then allow your fiance to share the news when he's ready.
2007-12-24 01:16:01 · answer #8 · answered by Ella 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Shame on that mother! What a crazy woman!
But now the cat is out of the bag, your best bet is to not tell the daughter anything until all the facts are in.
In the meantime, have this "man" get a good attorney.
Merry Christmas
2007-12-24 01:09:24 · answer #9 · answered by box of rain 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Wow. His daughter's mother knows the other woman AND took her daughter to see her. Springer here we come....
Don't do anything until the tests are done. If the daughter asks, just say that you're not sure if she is a "sister". Stick to the truth.
I pray that it's not his for all of your sake. But if it is, good luck.
Oh... Merry Christmas.
2007-12-24 01:13:08 · answer #10 · answered by Vitiran 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋