I fell in love with someone who was my perfect match. He was funny and exciting and fun to be around. For 2 yrs., we enjoyed each others company and couldn't stand to be apart. We wrote each other love notes, gave each other surprises, played jokes on each other, laughed til our cheeks hurt....He waited on me hand and foot, knew my every need before I did, and could read my mind. He was like a male version of myself...my soulmate.
Then, we moved in together. After 2 yrs., I have discovered a bad temper. I have discovered a manipulative and controlling side of him that he NEVER let on to me previously. I have discovered lies that were told to me. I have met his men friends who hint around to a past of gambling, lying, and womanizing. I knew he could be a flirt, but only with me. He lied about his age and his education. He has been married twice. First one ran off with another man and 2nd one caught him talking to me. He claims she was addicted to Oxycottin.
2007-12-24 00:10:36 · 25 answers · asked by maplesyrup09 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Others have confirmed that and I do know she was admitted in hospital for help. Regardless, I am so confused. He is not the man I fell in love with....He has threatened me during arguments. He does use force at times. But where I get confused is....he tells me he loves me....he only gets angry once a month or less....and the rest of the time he is good to me. He always buys me gifts and cooks for me and is sweet. Nothing like when we were dating, but OK...and better than my marriage of 23 yrs. I get alot of eye contact and communication that I didn't have before with my ex.But I am still afraid of this one's outbursts and threats and verbal abuse.I was sexually abused as a child of an alcoholic and my one and only husband was very emotionally and physically neglectful.So when this man came along with love and attention and laughter.I was cautious but then let myself fall. Now I am not as excited about our relationship. I feel deceived.He asks to marry me daily.What should I do?
2007-12-24 00:16:35 · update #1
When he's buried under the patio
2007-12-24 00:12:51 · answer #1 · answered by Elle J Morgan 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T GET MARRIED!!! From reading your question is sounds like you already know the answer; RUN!!! Here are the facts of life you obivously haven't learned yet and you can learn them now or learn them the hard way:
1. There is no Santa
2. There might be a Bigfoot
3. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
4. Marriage ruins relationships (moving in is the same)
5. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
6. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me if you want to
hear the truth. You can ask me anything. I don't lie unlike
the other answers you will get.
2007-12-24 02:00:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Run.
He is playing on what he knows you need and sorry, but you are weak enough to allow it to continue. You are afraid, as we all are when we are facing a troubling situation, we KNOW needs to change. I would immediately grow a back bone and leave.
Just because someone is nice to you 50% of the time, does not excuse the other hateful 50%.
I left my high school sweet-heart and husband of 17 years after a life of misery and I had NO idea just how unhappy I was, until he was gone. His own children were begging me to leave their own father. Change and the unknown are always scary, but when you do get out; the happiness and freedom you will feel is impossible to express on this board.
Don't take the abuse. Good Luck and be strong.
2007-12-24 00:44:53 · answer #3 · answered by allie b 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The time to leave him is NOW! You just raised a bunch of red flags with these words: bad temper, manipulation, controlling, lying, etc. This is not a man to continue a relationship with.
He may have been prince charming in the past but you have to make decisions based on who he is now. His charming past behaviour sounds feigned.
You say he has a bad temper, is manipulative and controlling, and has lied about his age and education. The positive, early stage of your relationship was, apparently, a sham. Do yourself a flavor and LEAVE.
2007-12-24 00:22:14 · answer #4 · answered by The Beast 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From experience. The man is who he is okay. You cant change that, however you are a woman and we are pretty smart. Listen to your instincts you already are unhappy it gets worse with time. Sweetie if he is abusive in any form this doesnt spell love. Does he love you or does he not want to be alone? You may be convenient for him so stop it now.
Women let us not put so much emphasis on making him happy but finding happiness for yourself. If he has a problem he needs to seek help and you are not the doctor. Be smart listen to your heart.
If he is not the man for you then he is in the way, and the man God may have for you cant get to you for him. You better think! and Pray.
abuse and control gets worse not better
2007-12-24 00:39:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have to do what's right for you. I usually go with my gut instinct, it's never let me down. I'm sorry to hear about this. Maybe he is trying real hard not to ruin the relationship with you, but the real man is catching up with him. If he has a bad temper and is controlling, me personally, I wouldn't be there. I hope things get better for you and try to have a Merry Christmas.
2007-12-24 00:14:54 · answer #6 · answered by Nikki 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"He does use force at times." one time is to many. You are allowing him to continue the abuse. It is tile to put a halt to this unhealthy cycle and step back for sec. You need to think about what you need and what you want. No relationship is easy. We all have exaggerated our virtues when we are courting, no big deal. But to then start a life of abuse and thetas, well that's a different story. You need to ask yourself if his negatives out weight his positives and if you think this man can change. Take a break, focus and maybe you will come out with the answer yourself. Good luck!
2007-12-24 00:25:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you truly love him then I would tell him that he has to go to counseling. He needs help to get away from all of his addictions. If he doesn't want to go then you need to leave. I know that it will be hard, but you deserve better. You've only wasted 2 years right now. If you stay longer it could be years of abuse.
2007-12-24 00:18:44 · answer #8 · answered by calendargirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess you are lucky because you have found out his true colours before getting married to a man like this!
Dont go into this mess. I know its easy said, but gal I think you got to think about your life.
I have been thru alot of **** too. I have been hit by my husband so many times but before wedding he was all over me. He used to leave his job and come down to my town just to see me.. but after wedding i found out he is not the same man i was in love with.My husband's friends are bunch of DOGS!! though i have tried all ways of trying to stop him from hanging out but thats what he is! i cant change him.
Its my fault for not learning him more like what you have done/ discovered about your boyfriend. I wish I would have.
My hubby also cooks and helps me in everyway almost everyday that we are in good books and dont fight. The day we have the smallest arguement, he will make it big and use it as an excuse to go out and hang out with his useless friends.. wherelese I cant even have a single girlfriend! He will abuse my friend verbally. he doesnt allow me to mix with anyone. Even if I have a decent friend- he will say I am sleeping with my friend's husband! So i decided i dont want any friends. Before wedding he used to be so nice to my friends and now after wedding i cant have friends.
In a way you must be very thankful that you know him now!! and you havent done any mistake like GETTING MARRIED or GETTING PREGNANT (i hope you are not)
He is just trying to make himself secured by forcing you to get married to him. If 2 wives can tell him 'Hell with you' and leave than i think you should think twice; there is definately something wrong with this guy.
Maybe you will be thinking.. this girl is saying so much of negative things and still living with him and why rite? Well i have left him so many times, stayed away from him but I dont know why I am still forgiving and accepting him for every **** he does.Maybe God wants me to Die being tortured by my husband.
Thank God now i am pregnant and he doesnt hit me / abuse me anymore.But i still cant make him realise that he has to change whatever he is doing now.
But If I was you in your shoes now , I will probably leave him and move on. I feel he has a motive behind all his move.
Good luck Girl
2007-12-24 00:55:06 · answer #9 · answered by DJ 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Okay, why are you still with him again? It is clear he is not the perosn you thought that you knew? It is clear that you fell in love with a completely diffrent person, so why are you staying with this imitation of what your soul mate is- is the better question? What would make you stay? Yuck!
2007-12-24 00:15:25 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs.G-unit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you can count more bad stuff than good.
But, a lot of dudes have shady pasts from their college years or early 20s, that they grow out of when they cut back on drinking/hanging out/etc. i know its in rare instances but sometimes they do change, hoever if he's exhibiting similar behavior now, he isnt the rare instance.
2007-12-24 00:15:39 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋