Abortion - blame?

Question

I had an abortion a year ago. Regardless of the -real- reasons why I did it, I feel this incredible amount of anger and blame towards both my mother and my boyfriend at that time (we broke up 3 weeks ago for other reasons) because I feel it was their fault that I ended up getting the abortion. I can't explain why because it wouldn't fit here. But the bottomline is that I have an enourmous amount of bad feelings inside of me towards them cuz of the abortion. I really wana start the healing process because I feel all this regret is killing me. I've always heard that you should always try and get ur feelings out otherwise they'll eat you inside. So my question is: Do you think it would help me and be wise for me to sit face to face with my mother and then my ex bf and tell them exactly how I feel and just let everything out???

Answer 1

Maybe you should see a doctor about this. You can talk out your feelings and everything that way. Yelling and blaming everyone else is not going to help you cause when it comes down to it, no one forced you to get an abortion. They may have encouraged you but you signed the papers. I am not being rude but blaming will not help you. You need therapy. Good luck.

Answer 2

The first thing you should do is find a counselor and talk to them about how you are feeling. I fear that if you sit your mother and your ex down and tell them that you blame them for the abortion, they might get defensive and possibly start a fight. A counselor could help you sort through your feelings and, if necessary, help you tell them how you feel in a controlled setting so that someone would be there to help all of you deal with your feelings without hurting each other. It is VERY important for you to talk about your feelings with someone! Everything that you are feeling is quite normal, it is part of the grief process, but it would help if you talked to a professional who knows how to best help you.

I know that you are also blaming yourself here and that is why I reccomend a counselor to help you. I know that abortion is not an easy decision to make, and everyone who has ever had an abortion has felt some degree of guilt about it at some time. You just have to trust that you made the right decision for you. It doesn't matter if I am pro-choice or pro-life, the only thing that matters now is that you are ok. And I believe that you will be just fine.

Answer 3

Well, I think that you should sit down with them and tell them how you feel about the situation at hand. Abortion is a big thing. Abortion is never really a good thing. I would never abort my baby. To me its a human being whether its born or not. You should never let anyone push you into anything you do not want to do. You can not go back and change the past but you can change the future. I would talk to them about it and then in the future if someone wants to push you into something say no. I think this is a life lesson what you went through. A extermely hard life lesson but still a life lesson. It would help you and be wise to get it off your chest. You should start the healing process yes. You will never be fully healed from it but at least you'll be able to put some of the feelings behind you. Remember you know yourself better then anyone else does. Pressure from other people is never good and always remember to say no.

Answer 4

I don't know whether it would be good for you to let it out in front of them. It depends on the way your relationships work. They may end up making you feel even worse. Counselling may help and may help you understand why it's coming out now. what's going on inyour life at the moment that makes this comes back? I don't think abortions are wrong and it must be SO hard to go through that and your experience shows that it IS NOT an easy option. As for those who say it was YOUR choice, when you're lost and don't know what to do, it is very easy for people to push you to make a decision.
You say you broke up with your b/f 3 wks ago so aborting was probably a good thing otherwise, your baby would be going through a hard time seeing his mum going through separation.
YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG and they probably genuinely gave you their best advice at the time.
Good luck
XX

Answer 5

It may help you to air it out and get your feelings known...but don't expect that to be a magic fix. Their reactions may not be exactly what you will be expecting...and may even fuel the fires of your anger instead of putting them out. You might want to start a journal, write a letter to your little one, or even see a counselor...since it's more about you and not really those other people you're angry at. In the end it was you that made the final decision and in the end it's YOU who you will have to forgive.

I know what you're going through and I went through the same thing when I had one...I blamed my now hubby for a long time and it nearly destroyed us both. But once I forgave myself it was easier to forgive him too...and eventually come to realize that he didn't do it to hurt me. In my heart I knew that it was probably the best decision but the pain can cloud what we see. Give it some time...and look inside to fix what you think is broken.

Good Luck

Answer 6

I am pro-choice, and in my opinion, if you did not want the abortion you should not have had the abortion. A lot of people may pressure you for a lot of reasons. You may feel ex and mother said the wrong things. But in reality it was your choice in the end. You could have stood your ground, and you could have said no.

No one put a gun to your head and said do it. And if other people have soo much influence over your actions you need to reconsider you own views on life.

Sorry i just do not feel you can blame someone for your own actions. You can tell them you do not appreciate how things turned out or how they didnt support your true choices, or that you now feel it was wrong of them to behave how they did, but you can not blame. You need to go to therapy and deal with the choice you made.

The only reason you are having problems is because you yourself were not 100% behind the decision. And in that case, regardless of what the action is you should not have undertaken it.

Answer 7

yes it would be wise to tell them how you feel. maybe then you can begin the healing process. this would also give your mother the chance to explain to you on her reasons for whatever the problem is between you to concerning the abortion. you didnt state your age so im not sure if your mother did what she thought was right for you. but whatever the reasons you need to sit down with her and get this all in the open . you only have one mother and tension between you two is not good! then talk to your boyfriend and tell him what is going on in your heart and mind! the best to you. i hope it all works out!!!

Answer 8

don't let anyone make you feel bad about your decision it wouldn't of been an easy one to make. I think you need to talk with them and maybe see a counsellor its alot to have on your shoulders. there is no right or wrong when it comes to abortion because life isn't black and white. please just make yourself happy and deal with this in the best possible way you know how. its nobodys business why you have done this just know that things happen for a reason and i hope you can get through this goodluck xo

Answer 9

abortions no matter what the reason being done are always hard because you feel like you did something wrong. it is best to talk to them and let them know how you feel before your anger and resentment starts to tear you apart. if you are scared there are always counselors who are willing to sit with you and your parents/bf and help you through troubling things like this. its never good to go through the guilt alone and if they knew how you felt i think they would understand and that would give you some support that you need. talk to them, let them know your anger let them know why and then maybe you can all get through it together.
good luck hon

Answer 10

YES
I think it would be very beneficial for you.
I hope they don't decide to just throw the blame back on to you and make you feel worse.

Perhaps it would be good to set up a session or two with a counselor and have them go with you.

This is a big burden to carry around, you need to tell someone about it- good luck