so depressed about my physicall imperfections and disfigurements, at 30 years old to- what do i do ?

Question

im 30, have mental health problems to long term......bpd ( borderline personality disorder )

i live alone , due to my problems ive never been employed.....never had a girlfriend or a partner.......never made any friends, ever.

i live in a small one bedroom flat on sickness benifit, i own no possessions except a old dusty computer.

my physical problems are :

i have cracks / fissures of the skin, little tears on the head of my penis....im not sure what it is....the sexual health clinic said i was clear of any stds...by doctor said he doesnt think its a skin disorder, he said its UNUSUAL but not abnormal, he said he'll find out more...he said the fissures, cracks in the skin cannot just be glued together....when i asked what can be done about them.....most guys have a smooth surface on their penis head.

he gave me canisten cream but it hasnt worked.

im overweight, im drinking alot of fluids....im worrying am i diabetic...even though ive not been diagnosed with it,,,,

my joints ache, are tired and weak...my arm aches just to type on my keyboard.

i have torn ankle ligaments in my right ankle...it clicks...i easily go over
and twist it.....it likely needs surgery.

i have damaged nerves in my right knuckle...where i struck an inanimate object
years ago......now i cant even hit a punch back without getting sharp shooting
pains.

i have a crooked little finger, it droops slightly due to an injury months ago.

i have 2 missing teeth, at the front, bottom row......need dental implants.

ive aged in my face....im bald.

my goals of a pretty loving partner living in a SMALL COASTAL TOWN , with a
ok job....is laughable right now.

how will i find a pretty woman, a loving partner, with these physical problems,

disfigurements...imperfections ?

dear lord - why when i ask an indepth, worrying question do i recieve crap answers apart from a few ?

still not every question i get these answers

Answer 1

My husband also has BPD and I know who much it can alter your veiw on yourself. I could sit here and go through all the small problems you feel you have with your body but Im not sure that will really help you. You bidy sounds completly normal and I think you will be pushed to find someone who is happy with their body. I am 25 healthy and happy but I can come up with a list just a long and just as worrying in my view. It sounds like you are becoming a bit obsessed with your health. How about investing all your engery into inproving your health. I assume you are on sick pay with the BPD? My husband is the same and he has just started reciving direct payments to go to a gym. Would this be somthing you could consider? Excerise would be a great way to improve your physical issues and might even help your mood inprove. If you feel like leaving the house alone would be a problem is their a friend/ family menber or even Your CPN that would go with you. At our local hospital you can join a list to find a gym buddy! You never know you just might find that special somone.
I must say your body sound fine from reading your list, they are all little things. You could even think about trying a open uni course they give funds for people on disabiliy and a tutor can be assinged to you who understand mental health and can tailor a course to help you.

Try to have a merry Chrismtas and make plans to fill your life with positve things instead of focusing on the silly trival things. All the best

Answer 2

EVERYBODY has a cross to bear. Yes, for some outwardly it may look as though their's is heavier, but there is always someone much worse off. Always.
My advice, for what it is worth, is be thankful for the way God made you. Does that sound odd? Of course it does. But boy does it work. Be thankful for all you don't have to go through that an awful lot of folks do.
Are you living in a war torn country? Have you had to suffer oppression & witness the death of your children or siblings while wondering how you're going to feed yourself? I doubt it.
Yes, you undoubtedly carry a heavy load but God allowed these imperfections in your life for a reason that will ultimately benefit you. Though you will not feel like it show gratitude, even through your tears & if you keep it up in time you will see how things will change in a very beneficial way for you. But you gotta keep fighting & determine you're no longer gonna complain about your lot. The darkest hour comes just before the dawn. Winners never quit & if you don't quit you will see a light at the end of the tunnel. Make it your goal in life to reach that light, no matter how long it takes & though it may look as if you'll never reach it. Because it will look that way. But if you can do this & focus solely on this everything else in your life will fall into place. You will see. And while you're at it try to help some other soul you may meet along the way who is also struggling. It works wonders. You may not see them now because you are so focused on yourself but they are there.
Remember you can only climb a mountain one step at a time. The elements will fight you with all their fury at times but every now & then you will see a break in the clouds. The sun will shine through that break & you will see the world in a beautiful new way which will give you courage for the battles ahead.
One man & God are a majority & will win in the end.

Yes & on the practical I agree with what the other folks here have said. Get out. Going to a gym can really change your mood & improves your appearance at the same time. I know cos I do it.

Answer 3

You need to learn to love yourself first.

Start getting some exercise, which does help you mentally and physically.

You are sounding like a hypochondriac, pin pointing every small fault with yourself and health. No one is perfect.

Go on a healthy high fiber diet to fix your insides. Once you feel better on the inside you start to feel better on the outside.

Try and get out there, meet new people.

Good Luck

You never know when you might walk into someone special =)

Answer 4

You need to feel better before you can even contemplate a relationship. Start excercising your body, it will do wonders for your overall mental health. Go for walks..you will be amazed how enjoyable these can be.. go to a park or forest.. especially in winter, it's so uplifting. You will probably see a lot of your problems start to melt away. Concentrate on what you have to offer, not your so called imperfections.. If we all made lists, none of us would ever leave the house. We all have things we don't like, but so what.. Get out there and start living with them instead of living under them.
Merry Christmas!

Answer 5

You could try doing things that will improve your appearance like losing weight and just generally taking more pride in the way you look. I think you need to meet some new people so maybe you should enrol at some classes to learn a new skill

Good luck

Answer 6

and your whole question, viewed in its entirity, is a perfect mechanism through which borderline personality disorder can be explained. Yes, you ARE the BEST sick person EVER!!! YOU WIN!!! You are a medical enigma and will confound doctors for years with your litany of bizarre symptoms which are unique unto you. You will be written up in medical journals and become the object of pity for hundreds of people. Obviously you need to discuss this with your therapist~~~if he/she has not already referred you out due to burning them out and sucking them dry.

Answer 7

looks like the problems is that you don't love yourself. The moment you start liking yourslef , things will start changing. Believe me. And i will suggest you to read this book, " Tuesdays with Morrie". by Mitch Albom.

Answer 8

Only you can make yourself feel better and turn things around, think about all other people in the world that have real problems like terminal illness etc. They're alot more people worse off than you, pull yourself together.

Answer 9

there is someone for every one , sounds like you dont go out much?

you need to get out and about and start to love urself.
if you dont love you noone else will.

smile and be happy :)

Answer 10

"The disgruntled painter might have thrown and splattered paint all over his canvas, but it's still a work of art"