when sexually assaulted by a friend , I only kept crying. I hate that people blame me for not fighting.?

Question

we are not in contact and i do not consider him a friend anymore.

he verbally abused me for a period of time (flatmate). he then sexually assaulted me (before the act , i said ok (he pressured me)) then, i did not want it, I kept on crying, but he did not stop.

people are blaming me for not able to control myself or not resisting enough. it hurts. true that i do not understand some of my response too. i only kept on crying. he told the police that i loved him and he was released.

Answer 1

oh for **** sake! what a wanker! the goddamn police are shite! thats no bloody excuse if you say no he should have stopped and he shouldnt have pressured you in the first place, ignore those people who are blaming you they are horrible people. i must say though you should not have agreed in the first place but in all fairness YOU are the victim not him.

Answer 2

Heh!These people were not there at the time. They could not and cannot live your life for you.

I am sure it is mostly that they feel guilty that they could not stop it happening to you. They may have seen signs and didn't act on them.

You have nothing to feel bad about. It was passing incident in your life , it doesn't define it or you. Neither does what other people may say to you right now.

People in general have a very short memory span for gossip and intrigue these days, so just hold on to the fact that it will pass and you will still be you.

A little older. I hope a whole lot wiser,but hopefully not a whole lot sadder.

There is not one of us over 30 who could not put up our hands if we are honest and admit that at one time in our lives we got ourselves into a stupid situation. Sometimes it will have resulted in a sexual assault, sometimes the loss of a good friend and so on.
It is called growing up!! Sad but true.

Every morning look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are a good person, worth liking and loving and nothing else matters.

Also keep a little mirror under your pillow. Every night tell it your worries and fears and that they are going to pass through the mirror and go away.

Believe me they will.

Answer 3

I feel for you, firstly you have to stop blaming yourself, it was not you who started it, or even encouraged him. The verbal, and sexual abuse was a test to see how strong you were.
Once he realised he had control over you, he knew it was just a mater of time. Its a power thing. The fact that you were crying, and telling him no were a waste of time, he was never going to stop. I have the feeling you trusted him, and when you realised you couldn't, it was too late. unfortunately you can not turn back the clock, but you can seek some help. You need to do that soon, if you keep the anger inside you it will affect you for the rest of your life. Do not feel ashamed, you are a victim. If you have a good friend, start by telling them, that will help you to pluck up the courage to seek professional help.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

You need to let go of the negative feelings that are bothering you. You are carrying feelings of guilt around with you and YOU have nothing to feel guilty about. What has happened to you is awful, your trust was abused as were you. The negative thoughts and feelings are hurting you and stopping you going forward in your life, they are not affecting your abuser. He will get his punishment because people like that can't help re offending and the lack of police concern will come back on them also.
Put this down to one of life's lessons, we all make mistakes but punishing yourself is not the way forward. Put this down to experience, ignore the idiots who judge you. Let the feelings go and move forward as a person who is stronger for the experience.
Good people are often the victims of bad, don't allow those bad people to mess with your life. Go forward and have a good life.

Answer 5

the guy is obviously a very nasty, manipulative wanker anyone can see that if you were sobbing you obviously did not want it. The people who are blaming you were not there and do no know what really happened so ignore them, the police are also wrong.
You need time to heal and recover and i suggest you seek out a rape councillor and also visit your gp for support
good luck

Answer 6

How long ago did this happen? Please go and see your doctor and allow him/her to guide you to do what YOU want. Nobody has the right to stand in judgement on the situation. Only really good friends will be there for you - you cannot live your life on what ifs and buts. Go back and see the police, ask to see a female officer. Good luck.

Answer 7

As far as others are concerned, forget them, they were not there, you were.
There are support groups out there, try the Samaritans, they would know who you could contact.
He sounds like a real piece of work, verbal and physical abuser.
Best wishes.

Answer 8

You need to talk to somebody about this, hun. Go to your GP and ask them to refer you to a counsellor who specialises in sexual assault. As for the people who are blaming you, if they matter to you just explain that you were manipulated and coerced by an evil predator. If they don't matter to you, then f*ck them, put them out of your life. Good luck, sweetie.

Answer 9

I don't understand why people are blaming you because this isn't your fault at all nobody knows how they would react in those circumstances but you need to talk this through properly so that you can find some peace.

Answer 10

Call the police and ask for a female cop to come see you and tell her what you told us all. NO is NO.
You changed your mind before penetration, therefore the 'NO' stands, and cause he continued to have sex with you (after you said no) he RAPED you, then lied to the police to get released..
Tell them exactly what you told us. If they dont listen, then get a lawyer.